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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think there is something wrong with DS?

207 replies

AutumnSky123 · 27/01/2016 23:02

DS is 7 y/o and I'm seriously concerned... I've been called into his school, many times, due to him using sexually explicit language and it's incredibly embarrassing/concerning - I have no idea how he knows about the stuff he is saying. I've heard him saying such things to our cat/his teddies too and I have no idea how to deal with it :(

OP posts:
OuchLegoHurts · 27/01/2016 23:27

No, there's something very wrong with your relationship with your 7 year old if a) you can't take him to the doctors, even if it's against his will and b) you can't get the truth out of him. He's only 7 ffs. You're his mother. It's your job!

Original poster
AutumnSky123 · 27/01/2016 23:27

*Yes, he is only with me, when not at school and yes, his behaviour is very hard to deal with.

OP posts:
QuietWhenReading · 27/01/2016 23:28

Who is looking after your child without you there? You need to start investigating this properly.

He's seven he's not coming up with it in his own.

You need to think very, very carefully about who is spending unsupervised time with your child and narrow it down.

ouryve · 27/01/2016 23:28

So, is there going to be a reason why you can't do everything that's suggested?

I might not buy the very clever boy comment if it wasn't for the fact that he has you nicely at arm's length. He hasn't invented these words and phrases without having heard the somewhere first.

How is his behaviour in general? Do you find yourself letting a lot of things go? And why does he refuse to go and see a doctor? What was the conversation that led to that refusal?

Original poster
AutumnSky123 · 27/01/2016 23:30

Honestly, I do let a lot of things go, but his father passed away a year ago and that has been very hard on him, so I find myself not moaning at him much.

OP posts:
SnootBoop · 27/01/2016 23:30

so...

he doesn't hear it at home
he doesn't hear it from the internet
he doesn't hear it from friends at home/older siblings

which leaves what, school?

PurpleDaisies · 27/01/2016 23:32

What is he actually saying? Is it sexual swear words or is he coming out with provocative phrases?

ouryve · 27/01/2016 23:33

I'm not sure the GP can help much with this, at this point.

Has he had any access to any sort of counselling or play therapy, at school?

grumpysquash2 · 27/01/2016 23:33

OP, if you are with your DS all the time outside of school, then he must be hearing it in school.
Maybe school could help you try to investigate rather than trying to get you to sort it out.
It is definitely worrying.

[FWIW, I run a Beaver Scout group (age 6-8 years) and I have only ever heard very mild curse words (e.g. shit), and only one or two. So I do think that the language your DS is using is extreme]

Also, just a thought. If he is talking to himself, using that language, while playing with toys, is he acting anything out? Is there any way to watch exactly what he's doing with the toys?

Original poster
AutumnSky123 · 27/01/2016 23:34

Provocative phrases.

OP posts:
OuchLegoHurts · 27/01/2016 23:34

Welcome to Mumsnet by the way...Hmm

PurpleDaisies · 27/01/2016 23:35

What is he doing with the toys/children in the playground when he saying these phrases?

Original poster
AutumnSky123 · 27/01/2016 23:35

I mean, he does stay with family/goes to clubs etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnSky123 · 27/01/2016 23:36

Thank you Ouch and he doesn't do anything Purple

OP posts:
GreenPetal94 · 27/01/2016 23:36

Is what he is saying that bad or are school fussing.

I know my kids picked up sweared from the dialogue of very innocent looking Minecraft youtube videos. But they were a bit older and so more canny about when to use it.

I would keep clearly picking him up when a word is inappropriate and explain why it is inappropriate.

Shineyshoes10 · 27/01/2016 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grumpysquash2 · 27/01/2016 23:36

OP, please don't feel obliged to say, but what is a provocative phrase? I initial thought you meant hard core swear words that referred to genitals.

QuietWhenReading · 27/01/2016 23:37

I would think that it's likely he's hearing it from family then.

Sorry.

saoirse31 · 27/01/2016 23:37

Think there's 2 at least issues here. First you need to get back in control, second you need to fins out where he's hearing whatever he's saying. How do u know he doesn't interact with friends siblings? Presumably he plays with them in their houses sometimes?

Has his behaviour always been an issue? Obviously his dad dying was exceptionally awful for both of you, but you're doing him no favours by not enforcing rules etc

SparkleSoiree · 27/01/2016 23:37

When was the last time you were called into school and what did you lad say that necessitated your attendance?

Original poster
AutumnSky123 · 27/01/2016 23:39

He doesn't stay around friend's houses and the phrases are relatively bad, but not sure I should really say them here.

OP posts:
notenoughbottle · 27/01/2016 23:39

It's helpful to know that his Dad has passed away - sorry for you're loss OP Thanks Is he scared of the Dr because of what happened with/to his Dad? Although this doesn't explain the reason he is saying what he is I would say that goes some way to explaining why his behaviour may be difficult. Have school referred to CAMHS?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 27/01/2016 23:40

OP not to be harsh but you need to find out where he is learning this. People are making suggestions, you shoot them down but don't seem to be trying yourself. You need to be proactive and figure out what is going on!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 27/01/2016 23:40

This is quite serious stuff to start your posting history at MN about. Have you been lurking prior to this?

Original poster
AutumnSky123 · 27/01/2016 23:41

He does claim the "doctor never made daddy better", but also "I'm not sick" and school said they cannot refer to CAMHS, it has to be through the GP.

OP posts:
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