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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to a wedding when the invite has one of those stupid money beging poems in it

360 replies

bloated1977 · 27/01/2016 18:38

Apparently they think shopping is a pain so we can gratefully give them cash or cheques. AIBU to actually buy them a present?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 27/01/2016 20:18

I agree with bibbity - most couples these days seem to spend thousands on their wedding day so why on earth expect presents and/or cash as well.
Guests shouldn't have to feel obliged to give a gift in exchange for an invitation to a wedding.

Thank goodness I am at an age where I rarely get invited to a wedding Grin.

pollylovespie · 27/01/2016 20:19

Some marvellous poetry, particularly like yours TiggyD.
Horribly rude asking for money- or things. Directing guests to shop you'd like vouchers for, or things you'd like, IF THEY ASK, is fine. Poems/list info in invites- tacky as fuck. YANBU!

deste · 27/01/2016 20:19

I think you are being awkward for the sake of being awkward.

wispaxmas · 27/01/2016 20:27

YANBU!

bakeoffcake · 27/01/2016 20:31

Considering the expense of attending a wedding, especially if it involves an overnight stay, (outfits, accommodation, food, petrol) I do think it's a bloody cheek to ask for cash.

witsender · 27/01/2016 20:34

Tbh, if you have what you need just don't ask for anything at all. Nasty, tacky.

imwithspud · 27/01/2016 20:37

NRTFT but YABU to not want to go because of a poem as naff as they are. If they're your friends/family then what's on the invite shouldn't really matter.

ChampaleSocialist · 27/01/2016 20:38

Wait, wait, so whats the last line? It has to rhyme with 'you'.

*We haven't got a wedding list, the reason we'll explain,
is to save you all the hassle as shopping is a pain.

We've been together for a while and have most things we need.
So cash or cheques would be gratefully received.

The choice is yours, so please don't fuss.
The most important thing of all is that you come and celebrate with us!

But if you'd like to contribute, our heartfelt thanks go out to you...*

And if you are too cheap to give then fuck you too.

expatinscotland · 27/01/2016 20:40

I think selling tickets is more honest, Gabi, than the 'we don't want presents, but yeah, actually, we want money.'

Alconleigh · 27/01/2016 20:40

I think it's tacky as well. Weddings are at an awkward stage though. Speaking for the UK anyway. The origin of wedding presents was to set up a young couple in their new home. Most couples getting married now though already live together, with crockery, bedding, lamps, hell even a couple of kids and a dog sometimes.......bluntly, a wedding simply isn't the life altering event it was a generation or two ago.

But the customs around it haven't caught up. Indeed in many cases increased disposable incomes have led to some very strange aggrandisement. Witness the 4 days long hen or stag do abroad to mark the passing of your life From living with your partner to, er, living with your partner........And the costs of attending a wedding have rocketed, as couples pick non local country houses with astronomical bar prices because, well, the photos will be nice........it can all lead to some festering resentment that can easily culminate in feelings of "you can cock off if you think I'm paying to upgrade your honeymoon you chancers".

jevoudrais · 27/01/2016 20:42

I do wonder how you're meant to win with this topic.

We have bought our first house and have most things we need. I don't want to ask people to give to charity nor do I want to ask for money for us. But everyone is getting on at me asking if we want money or gifts and wont take 'neither' for an answer.

I would be pissed off if someone bought me a present just for the hell of it because I don't want glasses with our names on, photo frames, commercial family figurines etc in other words clutter in my nice, minimalistic house I always feel obligated to keep things because people have probably gone out of their way to buy something that they deem to be nice, but when I say I don't want presents, I actually mean that.

I can't say YANBU because I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place on this one too.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/01/2016 20:43

"in many cases increased disposable incomes have led to some very strange aggrandisement. Witness the 4 days long hen or stag do abroad"

I sometimes think it's the very fact that most people live together before that means the wedding has to be something big. And of course, people can wait until they have enough money for a more lavish wedding than if they were desperate to move in together.

Orange1969 · 27/01/2016 20:44

First and Pax - love it!

The poem is awful. That itself is an abomination.

Asking for anything is naff, but I am guilty as I asked for vouchers to buy a new cooker Blush

Over the years, I've received invitations that including the most outrageous requests - one couple wanted a gap year funded (they were in their 30s and had already enjoyed at least two "gap years". Another couple wanted a top of the range VW camper van.

It's just greedy. Asking for cash and / or cheques is greedy, especially if the couple don't say what it's for.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 27/01/2016 20:45

If the bride and groom don't need anything then just say no gifts. Not really a true statement if they then go on to ask for cash is it?

If they want cash, they could spend less on their wedding or earn more, it shouldn't be for others to fund their wants and desires.

I'd never turn up empty handed and can be trusted not to buy a toaster!

Gwenhwyfar · 27/01/2016 20:47

" why on earth are you attending weddings where the bride and groom.are going to be totalling up how much people have spent on them"

They wouldn't judge me, but I would feel embarrassed.

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/01/2016 20:49

But why? they invited you. not your bank balance.

expatinscotland · 27/01/2016 20:51

'But everyone is getting on at me asking if we want money or gifts and wont take 'neither' for an answer.'

They had to if it's the only answer you give them.

romanrainsalot · 27/01/2016 20:53

Alconleigh you're right. That's what it is. No-one really wants to give someone a toaster if they've already got one, but there's just something about asking for money. I think its because the recipients can clearly see how much you've given them and might be judgey accordingly. I'm one of 3 siblings, but we might not all give the same amount,, we have all different circumstances.

Floggingmolly · 27/01/2016 20:58

But why? They invited you, not your bank balance
But they instructed you to bring cash...

passmethewineplease · 27/01/2016 20:58

YANBU.

We aren't even mentioning presents. I don't even really see the point in them either for a wedding tbh, though I'd obviously graciously accept if people bought us some! Grin

I think weddings can go overboard, I'm part of a large FB group and some of the shit ok there is unreal. One even tried to ban mobiles. Fucking ridiculous. It's a wedding.

sleeponeday · 27/01/2016 21:00

I prefer being asked for money, or for a honeymoon. I like knowing that the person is getting exactly what they want, and it's less hassle for me.

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/01/2016 21:00

No, they said the choice is yours, not to fuss.

if you do then.thanks.

if you called asking what they wanted and they suggested cash, again.it was only as you asked.

maggiethemagpie · 27/01/2016 21:01

I steered clear of cash poems in my wedding invite, but did say that if anyone wanted to contribute to our honeymoon fund we'd be very grateful. Is that so very bad? Most people actually want to give something, and would prefer to know what the b/g want.

I don't agree with cash poems but more for the cheesiness than the principle of giving cash/contribution towards a honeymoon

sleeponeday · 27/01/2016 21:01

Oh, and I didn't do either, because despite preferring it as a guest it would have felt hideously rude as a bride.

Not consistent, I know.

sleeponeday · 27/01/2016 21:02

but did say that if anyone wanted to contribute to our honeymoon fund we'd be very grateful. Is that so very bad?

Nope. I like that one - it's lovely seeing the photos and knowing you were part of such a special start to their married life. Way more fun than trying to choose something for them, IMO.