To not want to go to a wedding when the invite has one of those stupid money beging poems in it

[bloated1977]

Apparently they think shopping is a pain so we can gratefully give them cash or cheques. AIBU to actually buy them a present?

What giles said. Yes, people get very irate about requests for money / gift lists / whatever. I'm just happy to give people something that will actually be useful to them, rather than their eighth cutlery set.

It's their day. Be happy you mean enough to them to be invited.

You could reply back with a poem

Thank you for the invite
I saw your money request
I don't find shopping a pain for you
And I think you deserve the best
So I found the perfect toaster
You can't have one this great
It's got a lukewarm setting
And a silver toast crumb plate
I hope your life together is happy
Full of fun and laughter
I hope you have a lovely day
And live happily ever after

I had one today-how much do you actually give though? Its a friends that I'm travelling to so paying out for hotel also- £50 ok do you think?

Haha! Didn't see First's poem! Brilliant!

I don't have a problem with it.

I would never go to a wedding without a gift!

I am equally relieved if the invitation contains a John Lewis gift list or a request for cash or a charity donation.

Means their home is filled with stuff they love rather than cluttered up with other people's taste!

It's difficult to outright ask for cash so a poem skirts round the issue a bit.

that poem was crap though

Paxillin,

Take a bow, that woman!

Clara with bells on

"
It's considered rude to ask for money OR presents."

Yes, but wedding lists have become acceptable. People in other countries might be more shocked at being told you have to buy a gift and you have to buy one from this specific list. Which country is it where they stick notes on the bride's dress?
I used to live somewhere where people sent out baby lists to their acquaintances.

Depends, if it's an invitation for an evening do, decline.

I went to a wedding where the poem requesting cash not presents in rhyming verse was written in the voice of their dog

Fwiw We didn't bother with a wedding list, and the "begging poem" hadn't been invented yet....people either shoved some cash in a card or rang and asked us what we wanted and we told them (ie a knife block would be nice) .Some people brought really lovely surprises. It all seemed to go perfectly smoothly.

"I had one today-how much do you actually give though?"

That's why asking for money's not nice. If you bought a gift they would know how much it was if it was from a list, or might guess even if it wasn't. but if you ask for money there's no hiding away from the amount that everyone is giving.

I think any amount is fine, especially if you're also paying for travel and accommodation.

At some point the vast majority of weddings will just bypass the middleman of the B&G paying for dinner, entertainment and usually at least one drink for 200 of their most closest friends with said guests trying to cover their plate in either cold, hard cash or tasteful wedding gifts and just have the 200 invitees pay for their own dinner and drink/s. With the cost of any entertainment split evenly by 202. Obviously.

Bleurgh - I loathe requests for money. It's so vulgar.

Guests will give money without being asked to in a fucking poem.

I also hate when people who don't have the first clue about rhythm, rhyme or metre make some ham-fisted attempt at 'poetry'.

Gwenhwyfar Definitely Cyprus and Greece - presents are given at the engagement, if they do a 'proper' engagement. It's big long lines of notes pinned to the Bride at the wedding. Me and DH scandalised his family by having a civil service and asking for no presents (oh and being hugely pregnant too...)

Clara, it's what we did 25 years ago. I think that strikes the right balance.
You've passed

Fuck you harrods,
And the insipid John lew'
We want some fucking money
And we want it from you.

That's why asking for money's not nice. If you bought a gift they would know how much it was if it was from a list, or might guess even if it wasn't. but if you ask for money there's no hiding away from the amount that everyone is giving

bit why on earth are you attending weddings where the bride and groom.are going to be totalling up how much people have spent on them. either they are people you want to spend time with who care about you and know you well. or they aren't. in which case why go?

what with the fa t that the foods bound to be wrong, your babies aren't invited, your next door neighbours hamster isn't allowed to come and you had to take time out of your day when you are just sooooo busy being offended and it's all just too much effort. . .

Here's a little ditty
To tell you what I think
Of your poem: Shitty
And the thoughts behind it stink.

You just want our money.
You just want a buck.
Well listen up now honey,
I just don't give a fuck.

Wedding presents are for what you need
Because to set up home can be quite dear.
But you don't have to do that deed
So let me whisper in your ear...

Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, fuck off!
You money grabbing whore!
Fuck off, fuck off, to the far side of fuck,
Then just fuck off some more!

I hate the gift/money request being wrapped up with an invitation. It's like 'we've invited you, we expect a present'. Just rude.

If people want to give something (which most obviously do), they will ask.

It's no worse asking for money than it would be to tell people where your gift list is.

However, the poem is terrible.

For the posters asking how the bride and groom can inoffensively ask for money - they can't. They can inoffensively request no gifts (so as to avoid the things they dont want/need/like) and that's absolutely fine.

I went to a wedding of two previously married friends in their late 30s/early 40s and they had a "there's nothing we want or need list but if you really want to buy us something ... "

and it included beer, crisps, garden hose, seeds, compost, sand, cement - all that kind of shizzle. But people genuinely know that they did not expect anything and there was no entry fee to their celebration.

Maybe there is a business in passive aggressive tea towels for greedy brides and grooms?

I just don't see why gifts or money are EVER mentioned by the B&G-to-be unless asked. I can fully understand why they prefer cash, but unless somebody asks if you have a wedding list or for present ideas, you just don't say anything at all!

Of course in most cultures it's traditional to bring a gift/cash, but it's just rude to ask.

Its so tacky and grabby to ask for money. Or ask for anything for that matter. The ones I hate the most though are those who ask you to buy extras for the honeymoon. I know of one couple who got married 2-3 years ago and went on honeymoon to Cornwall. They funded pretty much none of it themselves, there was a price list and a paypal link next to each listing to tell guests what they wanted. Tacky and awful, theme wedding was apparently the same (no I didn't go).

There is actually a MNer who sold tickets to her wedding to fund it. She charged per plate IIRC. Not sure if she is still around.

But can you imagine 200 plus phone calls. on top of work and family life and planning a wedding, and all the shit that involves.

surely you know them.well enough to know.they aren't greedy grasping people or you wouldn't be going?

I actually think. it's far worse to turn what is an exciting event for them onto some tedious exhausting task.of managing the feelings of the over analytical guest....

we all know you have done it already, it's really no big deal, it's just a wedding no need to make a song and dance about it....