To not want to go to a wedding when the invite has one of those stupid money beging poems in it

[bloated1977]

Apparently they think shopping is a pain so we can gratefully give them cash or cheques. AIBU to actually buy them a present?

Wh didn't ask for wedding presents and when people asked we just said "we don't want anything thank you"
People did mostly bring presents- lovely one off things and we didn't get one toaster!

They are kinda lame but actually we asked for money instead of presents for our wedding, to go towards a honeymoon that we otherwise wouldn't have been able to afford, especially considering we already lived together and there wasn't anything 'housey' that we needed. so yes YABU.

I don't really MIND doing it, but it's not really a honeymoon if they don't go on it straightaway, is it? Isn't the point of a honeymoon that it comes straight after the wedding? Isn't it just a .... holiday?

It's rude to mention presents with an invitation. You wait until people ask if there's anything you'd particularly like. And even then you don't ask for money. Just give a gift and ignore the money request.

I really don't get why people are so precious over this. No one would complain at being given a gift list with a wedding invite so why is money so different? (Mostly) Gone are the days when people were setting up home together after a wedding, so needed a twee crockery set and a soup tureen.

My partner and I are getting married and no we didn't send a poem because they make me cringe but we have instead informed people about our favourite charities or the honeymoon we are saving for on a website we have made we made for guests. We did also politely make it clear we do not expect anything. It is a wedding, people are going to buy you gifts so at least with money you can go on an amazing holiday than have to find places in your home for lots of Mr and Mrs guff from notonthehighstreet.

No one would complain at being given a gift list with a wedding invite so why is money so different?

I think a lot of people do think it's rude to enclose the gift list with the invitation though. It's presumptuous. Yes, of course people will want to give a gift, but it's up to them to make the first move on that.

Money is a particular bugbear because not everyone is comfortable giving money and so don't appreciate being asked for it.

Sorry to be a little brash,
But please don't buy us trash,
kindly send us cash.

So instead people send an invite, leave out the gift list/ any mention of a gift which then leads to 80 odd people trying to contact the bride/groom who are already trying to plan a wedding or the parents of bride/groom to be given access to the gift list that was there all along?

Sometimes etiquette makes sense. In this case it is just causing more faff than it is worth. If people aren't comfortable giving money, don't give it. Personally I would feel much happier giving someone money they can use how they wish than a gift they may not want, which then means they have to go to the effort of returning it or it is just sat in their house taking up room.

My friend asked for money. Bought a lovely photo album for honeymoon pictures as they were touring the USA. They seemed genuinely pleased and have filled it with their trip pictures

I always buy a glass flower vase for a wedding present. Everyone needs a variety of sizes of flower vases.

I think asking for anything in the invite is rude! If guests want to buy a present then they will ask if there is a gift list. Surely that's the time then to mention that cash would be preferred?

So instead people send an invite, leave out the gift list/ any mention of a gift which then leads to 80 odd people trying to contact the bride/groom who are already trying to plan a wedding or the parents of bride/groom to be given access to the gift list that was there all along?

Yes. Politeness does take more effort so that needs to be taken into account when making the plans.

'So instead people send an invite, leave out the gift list/ any mention of a gift which then leads to 80 odd people trying to contact the bride/groom who are already trying to plan a wedding or the parents of bride/groom to be given access to the gift list that was there all along?'

Why would they all contact? Most people are intelligent. They'll think, 'Hmm, couple's been living together a while, probably have all they need. I'll bung some money in a card.'

tin Yes of course, causing more hassle for you and your guests for the sake of some out dated way of doing things is polite.

What do you expect on MN puddle

even when being rescued from a burning building they'd be offended at being called miss instead of Mrs akd refuse to budge until correct titles were used

It's not about making extra work for it's own sake. It's about not being grabby and entitled by assuming you'll be receiving gifts. It's also about not making your guests feel uncomfortable by asking them for money, when they might not be able to afford an amount that looks "good enough".

How hard is it to just email those who ask with a website address for the gift list?

How hard is it to just email those who ask with a website address for the gift list?

about as hard as it is to give the B&G more than a week before starting a "AIBU for expecting a thank you card" thread?

I haven't started an "AIBU for expecting a thank you card thread". But last time I posted on one, it was a vote for allowing people more time before chasing them up...

I wasn't talking about you. just in general

Oh OK

it's not the fact of writing a poem that gets me
it's the way the rhythm of the poem is just all wrong

how can they read that back to themselves and not know it just doesnt work?

then again having read the other poems on this thread it seems that many people just dont understand that a poem generally needs to 'scan' in order to sound right

eg this
'Sorry to be a little brash,
But please don't buy us trash,
kindly send us cash'

rhymes but doesn't scan

a version which scans would read something like

Sorry to be brash
don't buy us trash
just send us cash

I dont understand how people cant see that

Stick a fiver in an envelope.