To not want to go to a wedding when the invite has one of those stupid money beging poems in it

[bloated1977]

Apparently they think shopping is a pain so we can gratefully give them cash or cheques. AIBU to actually buy them a present?

I can't see why it's a problem. They don't want more stuff. They want to buy something bigger or have money for a honeymoon probably. The reality is most people buy a present or gift money for a wedding; they are just telling you which one they want. Or nothing at all as they are saying just you coming is enough. What's wrong with giving them what they want? The world is full of stuff people don't want and it's such a waste.

No, Ciabatta, there really isn't.
at Rumplebelle's notion that asking through the medium of poetry was more "polite" and made her feel less uncomfortable... Takes all sorts.

First

I'd totally give some cash if I got that poem in an invite. At least it's honest!

paxilinn I think you have a career in Hallmark calling - genius!

I've declined several invitations where cash has been asked for, I hate an entry fee to a party.

Thankfully close family are all married with no sign of greedy requests so can happily turn down any others with no feelings of guilt.

It doesn't work that way though. If you send out wedding invitations people, in my culture, want to bring a gift. It's the norm for me - I couldn't attend a wedding without bringing a gift. So if you say nothing, you'll get a load of phone calls - what would you like.

So I'd rather have some idea of what they'd like than no idea. I know they don't want my choice of ornament or art, which they put in the loft and bring down when I come to visit. Nobody does. People want to create their own relaxing environment.

I really don't see the problem myself with suggesting money or vouchers or honeymoon contributions. Several friends and family have done so, I have no problem with it. It means someone can buy a lifelong piece of furniture or something.

Please please get them the tea towels embroidered with the poem!

My friend got married in Ireland and his now mother in law thought a gift list was crass, it's normal in their circles to give €250 cash!

I'm just meh about poems, and if you can't be arsed don't go don't, and if you want to buy an actual gift just do it. Although it needs to be awful and we need to know what you get

I don't care about the wanting money rather than stuff. I always give money as a wedding present because it's much easier all round.

But I really do care about the atrocious poetry. This is a cultural practice that should not be tolerated. It simply draws attention to the asking for money by doing it in the most cringeworthy way possible.

There is no acceptable way to ask for any gift. Period. But implying that cold, hard cash is preferred to a sentimental token picked out by the giver is beyond crass, tacky and grabby.

I would re-evaluate my relationship with people who did so. If you don't trust me to select something you would cherish as a marker of your life milestone, then don't bother inviting me to the milestone. I've no desire to pay for parasailing, your mortgage or your upgraded hotel room view.

For our wedding this year we've set up a gift list at John Lewis which people will be given the details for if they ask. People have been made aware of this when they've asked what we want so I should imagine we'll get a combination of presents and gifts but honestly I just want people to come along and have a good time! Do I pass the MN wedding gift etiquette test?

It's considered rude to ask for money OR presents.
*
Most children know they are not allowed to demand presents from people who come to their parties by about age 5.*

This ^^

When DH and i got married a couple of years ago we put in our invites that we want just your company, lovely if you can make it, no need for presents.

Most wedding invitees will know if the couple have been living together for ages. They don't need ''We have everything we could ever want so give us cash'' spelled out to them

For info., in our case, everyone just put some money in the cards anyway. And that was lovely of them.

Asking guests to anything other than a charity event for cash is just crass. With or without a poem.

It's just normal here to give money. Everyone understands this everyone complies and no need for poems. The vast majority of couples already have a home set up and don't need twenty toasters

What is the problem? Most people live together before getting married so have everything they need in the way of homeware. I see absolutely nothing wrong in saying they'd prefer cash or vouchers. You wouldnt go empty handed to a wedding so would you rather waste your money on something they don't want or need? Yes the poems are crass but I think that surely they are a bit tongue in cheek.
I got one of these invites recently and thought nothing of it. Most people give cash at weddings now anyway surely.

YABVU. One mans 'heartfelt' gift is another's dust magnet piece of tat. Why as gift giver, wouldnt you want to give the recipient something they need, have specifically asked for and could make use of? Its not about your needs as gift giver, what a stupid and selfish notion. Do people really think their 'needs' prevail when buying gifts for other people? Cash is easy to give and always well received.

Well the poems dodgy to say the least.

bit MN seems full.of peolel who use wedding presents as a way to make something all about them just to prove a point.

money makes life so much easier.

most people these days live together before they get married so have everything.

but god damn it I'm. going to pout, stomp and buy them their fourth toaster anyway cos I'm professionally offended.

as long as it's not demanded, I don't see the harm in suggesting money when.people ask.what they want.

the poem.is lame though.

The poem doesn't even bloody scan!

IMO I don't see a problem with it. I think if you've been invited to a wedding, you would likely know the couple quite well, so as friends, I don't see the problem with just doing what they've asked of you. Why would you want to get them a gift that they don't need/won't use? Think its to save people wasting money on things that they already have...

Just out of curiousity, is there any 'acceptable' way of asking for money/honeymoon contributions at a wedding?

No.

If you can't afford it go somewhere cheaper or not at all

I hate the bloody wedding list, don't get me started on fucking begging letters

If there were no list or request for money, I think most guests would ask what gift they should bring. I would suggest a JL or M&S voucher, at least you could spend it on your groceries!

First you haven't had enough recognition for your poem. Bloody brilliant.