To not want to go to a wedding when the invite has one of those stupid money beging poems in it

[bloated1977]

Apparently they think shopping is a pain so we can gratefully give them cash or cheques. AIBU to actually buy them a present?

The choice is cash or cheque.

The not fussing is presumably the having to shop for a gift.

I still go but make a point of buying a present, usually a photo frame.
I'm more than happy to give money to children in my family but adults asking for it even if it's dressed up in a pathetic little poem just makes me cross.

Whats even worse about that poem is that it doesnt even say what they'd use the money for drug habit?

But then I'm feeling particularly bitter right now at being asked for a contribution towards a honeymoon when I cant even afford a camping holiday in the UK this year.

It's not mean spirited to despair about an increasing prevalent cultural practice that involves copying and pasting terrible poems off the internet.

It is not creative, or fun, or imaginative. It's lazy and treats your invitees like they are idiots.

This has been done a million times on AIBU but most Mumsnetters seem to hate weddings and will be offended by anything about them so you will get loads of 'YANBU'.

I'd always give a gift, if cash is what they want then fine at least I know what to get and won't give them something they don't want.

If you don't like them and think they are tacky do them a favour and decline the invitation.

I think that's fine myself (thinking of those four meat cleavers we've been given which are now in the attic and have been for 15 years).

We didn't have a wedding list as we were both living out of home in shared accommodation or a bedsit and we had the basics between us. We also really didn't have room for anything other than that in the bedsit we moved into together. So if anyone asked whether we had a list we just said no and most people gave us money without us having to write poetry!

Plenty people gave us photo frames and a few physical presents but we were able to write thank you cards saying thanks for what we bought with their money or why we put it towards which people seemed to like (well they said they did!)

Is asking for money only considered rude for those who are well off?

I can't think of a single wedding I've been to where the couple has actually had a gift list, every one just politely asks for money if people would like to give anything. But I've also never heard someone moan in RL about being asked for money.

Yes, obviously the poem is naff but speaking as someone who used a poem to ask for money so should be banned from Mumsnet people only use poems to try and be polite about asking for money as it is uncomfortable to do but surely better than asking for a load of expensive house items seeing as most people live together and have the basics already now a days.

Our poem was better.

I don't mind people asking for money - but why on gods green earth do some people have to do it in a horrible, toe curlingly twee poem?

The last two wedding invites we've received have had crap poems asking for money in them. Friends who are considerably well off and had already had two long haul holidays that year wanted money towards a honeymoon. I could sort of see the point in that as they already had a house and all they needed but it still felt a bit cheeky.
My cousin's daughter was saving for a house deposit so asked for money towards that as they were apparently really struggling to raise enough. They then flew off to the Maldives for their honeymoon and shortly after that her new husband treated himself to an XBox One (he posted about it on Facebook) so that left a bad taste!

Much politer, if you have everything you need, to explain that no gifts are necessary - or, if someone wants to give, to ask for gifts for a chosen charity. There's something vaguely nauseating about weddings where the safe plays a prominent role!

Mind you, I particularly dislike those where people are asking for upgrades to their honeymoon: so include how much it costs per night for a cabin over the lagoon, or five deep sea dives, or whatever. The best lists - which, in the old days, you requested and weren't just issued with alongside your invitation - have a range of prices, from 10p wooden spoons up. I suppose, though, in our increasingly material society, it's not surprising that people are ever more materialistic.

But the poems aren't polite and they don't get round the embarrassment of asking for money. They actually make it worse by dragging it out through several lines of incompetent poetry.

A couple of straightforward sentences would always be much better.

We are getting married.
We've got most shit we want.
When you walk into the church
Chuck a twenty in the font.

We simply want some money.
This wedding's been quite flash.
We don't want thoughtful, heartfelt gifts,
Just a wedge of fucking cash.

RSVP.

So don't go then!

tbh it's nicer than most I have seen

First that's brilliant!

The poems are horribly cringey.

But I prefer giving money because I'm too tired these days to think of a decent gift.

Just out of curiousity, is there any 'acceptable' way of asking for money/honeymoon contributions at a wedding? assuming you don't use a poem

YANBU just on the grounds of being sent a hideous poem.
I understand why people don't want lots of 'stuff' but surely it's good manners to wait until someone asks what you might like before indicating what you'd like as a gift. Otherwise it's not a gift it's a 'payment'.

I like honeymoon contribution requests... Or vouchers for a particular shop... Or a gift list...

I don't like when people ask for cash (even though I get that it's essentially the same!)

It just feels a bit on the wrong side of grabby.

I would make an exception to the rule for that poem though manhattan

I imagine that thoughtful heartfelt gifts would be well received. Five toasters when they already have a perfectly good toaster, otoh, is a waste of the givers money and the recipient's time. Or a fucking massive silver and crystal decanter that takes up half the sideboard when the bride and groom drink beer and have never decanted anything in their lives. That goes down well, far better than contributing to something they actually want/need. As for 'asking' for gifts being grabby, it is completely the etiquette to give a gift at a wedding so IMO it's polite to give some pointers to your guests - I've been to many a wedding where I wouldn't have a clue what to buy and a gift list is dead handy (cash is even better, just a quick trip to the cash machine). Also in several cultures giving cash to the newlyweds is very very much the done thing eg Irish and Greek families. So OP, give what you want and can afford but if you actually like these people be a bit more generous of spirit, and if you don't just don't go!

Dear lovely groom and charming bride,
I hope you take this in your stride
I see you try to spare me the shops,
But shopping well and truly rocks!

Your poem absolutely sucks,
So I went out and spent my bucks
On tea towels embroidered with your rhyme
So you can see it all the time.

It's just embarrassing to ask for money isn't it? Unless it's for charity or you're skint due to illness or bad luck.

I find a contribution to a honeymoon much more acceptable but this is just grabby.

'we have everything we need' well just don't ask for anything then!

Just out of curiousity, is there any 'acceptable' way of asking for money/honeymoon contributions at a wedding?

Is there an acceptable way to ask friends and family to give money?

No. There is no acceptable way.