To not want to go to a wedding when the invite has one of those stupid money beging poems in it

[bloated1977]

Apparently they think shopping is a pain so we can gratefully give them cash or cheques. AIBU to actually buy them a present?

Not asking friends for fivers = puritanical

Love that Liney

No Bathtime not answering the question when asked what present you would like is. I'm convinced you're being goady.

Not asking friends for fivers = puritanical

Wow

Also please tell me if you have a problem with presents in general?

What if someone says "I'd like a scarf" in response, is that okay?

Humpty you know that's not what I said.

Thank you both for the kind invitation
But in truth it's caused constination
We've wrestled with etiquette, manners and breeding
To form a response that you can't help heeding
So here it is right between the eyes
And I'm sure it isn't a great surprise

Your request for cash is greedy and grabby
You've got all you need to make you happy
Trying to pump Great Aunt Maude for cash
To pay for your day that's gone in a flash
Is not a kind thing or the act of a friend
She's just spent a fortune just to attend

So please smile sweetly and do the right thing
Let your guests decide what they want to bring
Then you'll have a great day without breaking etiquette
And you're sure to impress the whole of Mumsnet

In the style of Liney

Right ok, so what do the majority of MN do then when going to a wedding? Just not get/send any kind of gift at all because it's outdated/grabby/greedy?
Honestly, what is wrong with giving people a gift on their wedding day (I know this thread was about the cringey poem in the invite) but it seems to have turned into a rant against giving any wedding couple a wedding pressie.

Janey it's so weird isn't it! Who knew presents could be so...controversial...

But it's not about resenting giving a gift at all; it's not wanting to have the type of gift the recipient deems acceptable dictated to you. We don't trust you to have any modicum of good taste, so keep your shite nick nacks to yourself and give me CASH.
As part of the invitation, before you've even accepted.

We don't trust you to have any modicum of good taste, so keep your shite nick nacks to yourself and give me CASH.
As part of the invitation, before you've even accepted.

^ just about sums it up.

Janey not one single person on this thread has "ranted against giving a wedding couple a wedding present".

Theres always moaning about a wedding, if it wasn't the poem/cash aspect it would be something else. The time, the distance, whether its child friendly, oh its not child friendly etc. The bride and groom can't please everybody so its up to them what they choose to do, whoever doesn't like it should just not go. Decline politely and do something nice for yourself on the day. Better than starting critical wedding threads, relishing in comment after comment from people dissing the bride and groom, and then going to said wedding and smiling sweetly with the bride and groom who, I presume, are your friends. Thats sly and hypocritical, the amount of wedding-dissing that goes on around here is legion, as if nuptials enrage so many people. Odd.

We got given some right crap presents for our wedding. We put on our invite we didnt need anything so don't buy us presents.
The sub-text being we know you will just buy us plastic tat from poundland sonplease don't.
I also had a relative tell me they didnt like the meal offered, and another tell me how much it had cost them to come to the wedding. On the day.
Wished we had gone through with the vegas plan now.

Well you obviously knew your audience, handprints...

Thinking through the last few weddings I attended I don't think I had met any of the parents before the Big Day itself, never mind know how to get in touch with them to enquire about gifts.

Weren't there any contact details for the RSVP Christine?

i.e. if the couple's parents aren't doing the inviting, you contact the couple instead to request the wedding list.

I think thats fine rather than unwanted gifts.

I received money, no poem, but thats the norm for my culture

what do the majority of MN do then when going to a wedding? Just not get/send any kind of gift at all because it's outdated/grabby/greedy?

Of course we get something. And if no gifts are requested I probably would give a monetary gift of some sort - currency for their honeymoon, a Selfridges voucher, even cash - and give it gladly.

It's the being asked for it from the outset that just makes it all seem a bit calculated.

Imagine you were popping in to see your MIL for dinner and she suggested that you bring her a pink indoor rose if you wanted to bring a gift. Even if you were planning on doing exactly that, wouldn't you suddenly feel a bit naffed off at the request? It stops feeling like a gesture of thoughtfulness and just feels like a transaction. To me, anyway.

Do people not have gift lists any more? I'd rather get someone something that would last rather than give naffing Thomas Cook vouchers to pay for someone to go all inclusive on some crappy Caribbean island six months after the wedding. It's a bit cheeky to claim that a holiday you haven't even booked at the time of the wedding and won't take place for some time after the wedding is a 'honeymoon'. It's not.

Imagine you were popping in to see your MIL for dinner and she suggested that you bring her a pink indoor rose if you wanted to bring a gift. Even if you were planning on doing exactly that, wouldn't you suddenly feel a bit naffed off at the request? Umm no. Not at all. Id be glad that she confirmed/pointed out the exact one so I dont have to worry about picking up one that she might not like. You know, putting the needs of the recipient first. Plus its also a good way to bond, afterall great minds think alike. But then I believe its easier to be nice to people, it must be awfully tiring to get het up and 'naffed' at everyday requests. Reallly, it must.

But then I believe its easier to be nice to people, it must be awfully tiring to get het up and 'naffed' at everyday requests. Reallly, it must.

Completely agree

One wedding b &g asked for honeymoon contributions - easy gift, glad I contributed to happy time

Another had a guest list - again easy, chose lovely gift they wanted and all happy

Another no indication of what they wanted. Really struggled. Kept thinking someone else might get them this every time I came up with a meaningful gift. At the wedding I was one of only a few who bothered - most popped a voucher in the card!!!!