To not want to go to a wedding when the invite has one of those stupid money beging poems in it

[bloated1977]

Apparently they think shopping is a pain so we can gratefully give them cash or cheques. AIBU to actually buy them a present?

That's just not true, Bathtime.

If you put nothing on the invite, everyone phones them or more likely their mum or bitches/mithers/moans/panics behind their back.

The reason for the note is not to be helpful, it's to make sure they don't come empty handed.

I don't think it's that, at all, I think you're being very cynical

I'm getting married this year and not putting a twee note in the invitation, makes me cringe.

Flogging that's your choice. My point is the wedding is for the B&G, guests can choose whether they want to go or not but they can't dictate what the wedding should be like

If you don't mention gifts in your invitation (like a greedy, mannerless oik might) people will almost all give you cash. - I call bullshit right here. You dont mention gifts in your invitation you will not get cash. You will either get calls from people asking what you want (which a few lines in the invite would have prevented), nothing (again this is fine but unlikely, who ever ever shows up to a wedding empty handed?) or stuff (personally it would be unwanted stuff).

guests can choose whether they want to go or not but they can't dictate what the wedding should be like

By the same token B&G can't dictate what they want as gifts.

Humpty why wouldn't you want to give someone something they'd actually enjoy?

How do you 'enjoy' cash

oh come on. how do you enjoy cash. really? having that little bit of spare cash not designated for bills etc, totally free to spend on something nice for myself. nope. cant think of a single way id enjoy spending it. nothing at all.

Much politer, if you have everything you need, to explain that no gifts are necessary - or, if someone wants to give, to ask for gifts for a chosen charity

Completely agree

Humpty someone replied and explained it

aaah, good old politeness, where rather than receive something pleasant for yourself, you have to give it away to someone else in the hopes that you dont offend the giver :/ ok dokes. Does this only apply to weddings or does this apply to every gift situation?

harassed that mentality is almost always about the giver rather than them actually thinking of the person

If shopping is such a pain though, why do they want money to er shop with?

yh i know, I was being a tad sarcastic :D I dont get donating to charity as gifts. Gifts are supposed to benefit the receiver surely? Thats my mentality when giving gifts. If you really want to donate any gifts to charity why not request cash as your preferred gift then donate it (privately)? But totally dont agree with im going to donate to charity on your behalf even tho you dont particularly want to.

harassed I agree! I think some gift givers make it about themselves

If you don't mention gifts in your invitation (like a greedy, mannerless oik might) people will almost all give you cash.

Yep. That's exactly what we did for our wedding. No calls and everyone bought cash. We genuinely weren't expecting anything, so it was a nice surprise.

It's my 40th this year. Perhaps when I ask people to my party I should ask for cash or a contributions to a holiday fund.....nope, sounds unimaginably weird doesn't it?!
I stand by my earlier post; weddings are totally out of step with the significance of what they actually stand for these days....I am interested to see how it will pan out though, whether they settle down to something more reasonable, or get even more out of kilter.

If they've got everything they need then why ask for money?

Surely a traditional wedding is about helping a young couple start out in life hence wedding lists not to recoup wedding costs.

What makes me uncomfortable about giving money is the fact that people are judged on how much they give whereas a present allows the amount to be hidden.

It's my 40th this year. Perhaps when I ask people to my party I should ask for cash or a contributions to a holiday fund.....nope, sounds unimaginably weird doesn't it?!

It wouldn't sound weird to ask for cash for a birthday present.

And surely you wouldn't be friends with anyone who judged you on the amount? Plus you can easily look up a present!

What makes me uncomfortable about giving money is the fact that people are judged on how much they give whereas a present allows the amount to be hidden

if that's what your friends are doing. then they aren't friends are they. if that's how you think things are going to be viewed then DON'T GO.

my friends however, I don't give a shit how much they do or don't spend or whether there's a present at all. I cate that they are with me.

no judgment for anything

All this reminds me of that old saying

Those who ask, don't get
Those who don't ask, don't want.

And surely you wouldn't be friends with anyone who judged you on the amount?

In the real world people do. Whether you like it or not or whether they say it to your face or not.

Those who ask, don't get
Those who don't ask, don't want.

Agreed

Or as we got told as children I want gets nothing