To not want to go to a wedding when the invite has one of those stupid money beging poems in it

[bloated1977]

Apparently they think shopping is a pain so we can gratefully give them cash or cheques. AIBU to actually buy them a present?

Not as simple as that cat if I put a cheque in for £10.00 then I'm sure it would raise an eyebrow regardless of how friendly you were. With money the amount is a statement regardless of how cool everyone pretends to be about it. So there's instant pressure to give more than you might.

I wouldn't be friends with someone who looked up the value of a gift on the Internet though. That would be odd.

In the real world people do. Whether you like it or not or whether they say it to your face or not

really? I certainly don't. and neither do my friends

In the real world people do. Whether you like it or not or whether they say it to your face or not.

not everyone does and they can easily look up the cost of a present if they're that shallow.

Why do you care if someone judges you for something so stupid?

And it wouldn't amongst me and my friends. I tell people to give me £5 in a card when they don't know what to buy me for birthdays, I'd expect the same at a wedding

Why do you care if someone judges you for something so stupid?

Where have I said I care?

Fun I think that comment was aimed at me.

Shut I thought the judgement comment was aimed at me

I think the assertion that what the guests want/think doesn't matter is what's wrong with the contemporary wedding industry in this country. It may be 'your day', but if you're asking tens of people to come and join you, you do need to give some thought to them.

The bloody awful poems are symptomatic of it. Bride and groom feel uncomfortable about straight up asking for cash so they download an unbelievably shitty poem from the Internet. They don't really care about what their guests think; they just don't want to feel awkward themselves. So the guests get sent some not quite rhyming lines that scan poorly and are worded awkwardly alongside their invitation. No one enjoys receiving that.

Even worse if it comes in one of those invitations with an envelope full of glitter and shiny shite that falls all over you/your floor when you open it. That's the sort of touch that says 'I care more about imagining myself as a stylish and creative person than about you trying to open this'.

What we really need is a shift in etiquette to understand that unless you are told otherwise, pretty much everyone does want cash for their wedding present. If you feel strongly about buying a particular thing, you can do so. But if you don't know what they'd like, the default would be to give cash. No need to ask.

I don't get donating to charity as gifts

But the PP whose remark I quoted wasn't suggesting that, were they; they mentioned giving to a charity instead of a gift. After all, if folk "have everything" why not offer an opportunity - not a directive - for someone else to benefit?

If a guest dislikes the idea there's absolutely nothing to stop them bringing a gift (or even money!!) instead - it's simply that the B&G wouldn't then have been crass enough to ask for it

Awful! Doesn't matter if cash is what they want, it's poor form to ask or even to send a gift list in the invitation. It shouldn't be a given that a guest will buy a gift. You request their company, nothing else. Gift lists should only be sent if a guest requests one.

It wouldn't sound weird to ask for cash for a birthday present.

Things are obviously different on Planet Mannerless.

Here on earth it is considered extremely rude to ask for presents.

Even if you try to pretend it is helpful, everyone still thinks you are awful for doing it.

Even children in their first years at primary school know this basic rule.

It really isn't an OK thing to do.

Bathtime

Wow, for someone so concerned about manners you're very rude.

For a birthday party most people ask what you want, it is not rude to ask for cash.

I hate this idea that we have to pussyfoot around things for the sake of pointless conventions. It's like the food refusal thing in certain cultures, utterly ridiculous

I really love the "helpful" angle.

"Yes, I am going to manipulate social expectation to browbeat you into giving me some of your money. But I'm just thinking of you."

Fucking woeful.

Just admit you ask for money because you are greedy and don't want any of the unimportant fuckers attending your wedding to imagine that you don't expect cash.

Manners might well seem like "pointless convention" to someone who was raised with no manners.

On Earth, manners fulfil very important social functions.

I actually cringe at the idea of an independent adult asking for money for their birthday.

Ugh.

Bathtime or they know that most people give gifts and most people want to get something they'd actually like so they suggest something that would be the most useful and takes little effort of the giver?

Stop being so cynical and taking offence at something that isn't offensive

So Bathtime in your opinion this is rude?

Adult 1: what would you like for your birthday?
Adult 2: honestly I'm not fussed just stick £5 in a card or a voucher

How is that rude? Christ.

At our wedding celebration
There will be an expectation
That you attend at your expense
And give us lots of pounds and pence
As well.

If you rock up at our bash
Without an envelope of cash
We'll smile of course whilst wishing that
You'd fuck off in your lilac hat
To hell.

Adult 1: what would you like for your birthday?
Adult 2: honestly I'm not fussed just stick £5 in a card or a voucher

😝😝😝😝😝😝

Cringe face!

That is the sort of conversation I only expect to hear about a child.

You would actually ask your friends to bung you a fiver?

The correct answer is "don't be getting me a present. It's not a big birthday."

I'd be morto to get a fiver in a card.

I earn my own fivers.

That is a work of art, Liney

Bathtime so you object to presents in general?

Or do you just not tell people what you'd like and deliberately make it hard for the gift giver?

Do you object to Christmas presents? You sound very puritanical

Also why ask the question if people don't want a response.

Many thanks for your rhyme,
asking me for cash,
I see there is a choice in there,
To Home Bargains I must dash...

Limey now that's clever

Someone's had too much coffee or I think...