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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend some of the kids' Christmas money on a meal out?

339 replies

Happythistime · 27/01/2016 17:34

Can't decide whether this sits right with me or not.

We are thinking of taking the kids to the Rainforest Cafe at the weekend. It is super expensive due to its central London location and themed interior. I want us to go and not wince at the prices and I know the kids will love it so am toying with using a little bit of their Christmas money that they've received from relatives to go towards the bill.

I think that if Christmas money I had given to a child went towards a nice day out, be it a meal or a show or something similar I'd be happy with that. Usually we just put their gift money straight into savings as they have more toys than they need. A bit of me worries though that people would see it as me and DH profiting from their xmas presents. We would obviously pay the bulk of it and only put a bit of their money towards enabling us to go and enjoy it without feeling resentful at the prices. AIBU?

OP posts:
Muskateersmummy · 27/01/2016 18:33

Pretty sure you will have made that £60 back up with toys/clothes and trips out through the course of his life probably even that year leanne . Nothing selfish in making sure everyone was fed.

ImperialBlether · 27/01/2016 18:34

I misread the OP and thought you were going for a day out somewhere. I wouldn't spend money I hadn't got on a meal out, so I wouldn't spend their money on it, either. You mention other restaurants you've taken them to - do you need to do that? Wouldn't the kids be just as happy in an ordinary café?

bakeoffcake · 27/01/2016 18:34

Are you doing anything else when you're in London, which costs money?

MissBattleaxe · 27/01/2016 18:35

I think if they've got enough toys and there's nothing in particular they want, then a family occasion is a nice way to spend it. Go for it. I'd be fine if I gave money and the family spent it on a family treat that they would otherwise struggle to do easily.

Muskateersmummy · 27/01/2016 18:36

I also think it's not like OP is planning on going to just a restaurant. From what i gather the RFC is more themed than the standard restaurant and aimed at the children.

At the end of the day I see the meal as part of the day trip to London, so OP is using the children's money to treat them to a trip to london. Whether that money is specifically spent on train tickets, London eye tickets, or the meal... Does it really matter? The money has helped towards a family trip to London.

LeaLeander · 27/01/2016 18:37

Of course, it's fine.

a) gifts are meant to be treats
b) parents control the $$ of minors, you are entirely within your rights to use the children's funds as you see fit

Have fun!

QueryQuery · 27/01/2016 18:39

We've used birthday or christmas money for days out if it's something DC wants to do.

Rainforest cafe isn't great though, but if you really want to do there is a voucher here for 15% off. www.letsgowiththechildren.co.uk/Rainforest-Cafe-Family-Discount-Voucher.aspx?skipmobiledetection=true

cariadlet · 27/01/2016 18:39

A lot of the posters who are saying that it's ok are also saying that if they gave money they would be happy for it to be spent on an activity. But I think that's missing the point.

Nobody has suggested that the giver should dictate how the money is spent. The question is whether children have the right to decide how their own money is spent, or whether parents have the right to choose how children's money is spent if they think that it is something that the child would enjoy.

Personally, I think that children should be able to choose how to spend their own money. if they are given more than would be sensible for them to spend, then I think that parents ought to put it into children's savings accounts.

catsonlaps · 27/01/2016 18:40

Yes, am in agreement with cariadlet on this.

StrawberryDelight · 27/01/2016 18:46

Memories last a lifetime, toys a few years if your lucky

No they don't, kids forget stuff. We took dd to Florida at 5. She doesn't remember it at all, now she is 12

Well in that case we just as well stick kids in a box until they're at least 8 Hmm

I would much rather my dc spend their money on experiences rather than stuff. We went to the Rainforest Cafe in DLP and I thought it was fantastic and the dc adored it. It's much more an experience than a meal IMO. Sounds fine to me op.

Xmasbaby11 · 27/01/2016 18:47

It's fine. You've said yourself the kids don't need more toys. It's unusual for small children to have savings so I'd spend it on anything that's for them.

Xmasbaby11 · 27/01/2016 18:49

3 year old can't decide how to spend money! I doubt the 6 yo could either. And the outing is entirely for them.

If the giver cares about how the money is spent they should stipulate that.

Muskateersmummy · 27/01/2016 18:50

If they were older then absolutely I would agree cariadlet, but one of these children is 3. would we really ask a 3 year old if they would like to spend their Xmas money on going to the RFC ?

Youarentkiddingme · 27/01/2016 18:50

Yanbu. TBH if I gave money to a child as a gift I'd be more annoys that it was out into savings and they didn't enjoy it than them enjoying a day out with it.

The thing with money as a gift is it's designed for the receiver to spend it on something they want/enjoy.

I gave my friends DD £20 for her birthday as was near Xmas. I have no idea what she sent it on. I do know she went into town with some mates to the sales with all her birthday money. They had milkshakes and muffins, they bought loads of clothes, accessories and shit!, they had BK lunch and went to cinema to see a film and had popcorn and sweets. I do know she had an amazing day and was extremely animated when she was telling me about it. I don't know exactly what my money went on - but she enjoyed spending it and will likely always remember her first full day trip into town with friends and her own money.

MrsHathaway · 27/01/2016 18:50

When we took our DC to London at a similar age, most of the things they wanted to do were basically free including the transport, so although there were costs involved, the children themselves didn't incur them IYSWIM.

The exceptions were meals, ice creams and overpriced museum tat.

I would be a bit surprised by the idea of such small children putting money towards the trip per se, although being allowed to spend some of it on postcards, bright blue ice cream and A Rubber With A Dinosaur On It would be absolutely standard.

Mine loved the trip btw, and enjoyed having lunch at the Science Museum with the light up tables. It was more than eg McDonald's but far far less than £17 each.

redshoeblueshoe · 27/01/2016 18:52

I gave £ to a family member for their child for Christmas, I made it very clear I didn't mind what they spent it on. I'm surprised to many people think that 3 year olds should be choosing what to spend it on.
Whatever you decide have a lovely trip out

RaskolnikovsGarret · 27/01/2016 18:54

I am really far off a food snob and eat anywhere, but the RFC is quite possibly the only place in the world I would never eat again. The food is revolting. The animals couldn't make up for it and both we and DDs were very unimpressed. Go sightseeing for entertainment and visit a Giraffe or Nando's - much better. Sorry. Have fun though and spend without guilt!

WorraLiberty · 27/01/2016 18:54

I'm not opposed to the idea of you spending the kid's money on a day out OP

But I can't help thinking this particular day out has 'Mum and Dad' written all over it.

Why not sit them down and discuss a few different ideas, like a theme park or the zoo or somewhere?

XiCi · 27/01/2016 18:54

In your circumstances I don't think it's right to use their money. From what you've said it's not that you can't afford to pay, just that you'd like to use their money to subsidise the bill and make it more palatable for you. I really don't think that's on, you should just figure that into your holiday costs and assume that meals out will be more expensive as you are in a capital city. You have chosen to take them there, they shouldn't have to pay for their own food! I'm of the same opinion as pp that money gifted to children should be banked until they are old enough to decide on what they would like to spend it on

Original poster
Happythistime · 27/01/2016 18:54

Obviously I DH and I wouldn't choose to go to RFC for a meal ourselves and would be going solely because we think that it would appeal to them. We would probably take about £15 each of their £75 Christmas funds to enable us to go to somewhere a bit overpriced but that we think they would love.

We'll be getting the train to London from Kent, staying overnight in a hotel, going to Natural History Museum and Hamleys. They have some Hamleys gift vouchers to spend otherwise we wouldn't go there. Whole weekend will be £££ and I think using £15 or so of their Christmas money is ok really. The whole trip is for their benefit.

This kind of healthy debate is what AIBU is all about though eh Grin

OP posts:
Oldieandgoldie · 27/01/2016 18:57

I'm sitting on the fence here.

But,

If OP had phrased the original question in a different way eg We're going to London soon. Would I be OK to put the kids Christmas money towards a fantastic weekend of treats for them?

What would your answer have been?

It seems to me that it's the over-priced RFC that's the issue here.

And out of curiosity, what proportion of their Christmas money are you talking about?

JugglingFromHereToThere · 27/01/2016 18:59

Absolutely fine, great to value experiences and not just things!
But I guess I am fairly relaxed about family money
DS and DD both often spend money they've received from relatives and friends on pressies for others, such as their friends and each other

  • we had a big pile under the tree at Christmas with everyone getting something for everyone else.
I think it's good for them to enjoy giving as well as receiving. So yes, no qualms about spending it on an exciting day out that you might not do otherwise. Have a great time Smile
Muskateersmummy · 27/01/2016 19:00

Why not use their money for the entrance to the natural history museum instead? The money you save from that then goes towards the meal. That might make your feel more comfortable about it.

That said I agree with you entirely it's a eatery chosen specifically for them, so I see no issue with you using it for their lunch.

MistressMerryWeather · 27/01/2016 19:00

Sounds fine to me.

The whole point of giving monetary gifts is so it is spent on something that they will enjoy. That's doesn't mean it has to be toys or sweets.

A day trip is actually a really good way to use it, especially if you wouldn't be able to go otherwise.

It's far to easy to overthink these things.

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