...to ask those that had an 'easy' and 'amazing' birth how the hell they managed it?

[stumblymonkey]

Hi,

I'm shamelessly posting here for traffic.

I hear these stories of women who have had 'easy' births or 'amazing' birth experiences.

Are they urban myths? Or reserved for child #16 when your vagina is stretched to water slide proportions?

Did anyone have a great birthing experience with DC1 and if so.....what do you think you did, if anything, that I could steal?

I had a good birth with DC1. I think it's luck, definitely agreed, but if it helps this is what I did which I think helped:

• Went to good antenatal classes beforehand which explained a range of different births and what to expect, so I wasn't going in blind. I happened to find that at NCT but the teacher ended up leaving NCT and setting up her own company. Look for independents as well as larger companies and ask what they cover. I found it helpful because things weren't unexpected even though I wouldn't have thought of them without the classes, and because when the midwives asked me or told me things, I could understand what they were talking about which allowed for easier communication.

• Planned a home birth, which meant that the early stages of labour were at home and I had two separate midwives come out to examine me and see how I was doing as I thought I was in labour twice. This was less stressful, I expect, than going back and forth to the hospital. However, I realise that not everybody would be comfortable giving birth at home, so I'm not sure that it's a good solution for everyone, but I certainly found that it helped keep things relaxed in the beginning. I also found that the midwives in hospital treated me differently - they kept saying "Oh you were booked for a home birth, so..." WRT choices I wanted to make and even going home shortly after the birth.

• Used a water pool for pain relief. I can't explain how amazing this was. It was just a massive, massive relief from the moment I got in. I didn't get out except to use the toilet. I used gas and air too towards the end but the pool was incredible. I recommend it to everyone!

• Whether it helped or not, I don't know, but it kept my mum happy - I sipped a bottle of water throughout which contained a few drops of Rescue Remedy. It's something I've used at other stressful times with success and this seemed to help with birth, too.

My sister in law had painless contractions with both her children. She said the only thing that hurt was when the head came out. She described it as being similar to a 'Chinese burn' on your arm.

She is one hell of a tough women though.

I had painful contractions at what I think is probably a normal level of pain, but didn't feel the baby coming out thanks to the lovely epidural I had!

I have had five and am due Dc6 at easter.

Al so far have been easy, straightforward vaginal births, no forceps etc.

Dc1 was a long labour partly as I ended up flat on my back.

With the others I was more informed, made sure I stayed mobile in labour and tried to ensure baby was in good position before birth using birth ball, swimming, spinning babies info etc.

I was induced with all mine but still stayed active, even when I needed the drip with dd I insisted on staying mobile, using birth ball etc and dh backed me up against Dr's thst wanted me flat on my back on continuous monitoring. Had I just gone along with the Dr's I don't think my births would have been as straightforward, particularly as my babies were big ie 9lb + and Ds4 was 10lb 13oz with a 42cm head circumference off the top of the chart, he was born in birth pool. Had I done as Dr said and been on back on bed I don't think I would have had easy deliveries, I am only 5 2 and small.

So I think it's a combination of luck, genetics but also helping to get baby well positioned before and during labour.

My one baby tgat was back to back was more difficult to deliver but again being mobile helped and birth was three hours, had she been the right way round she would have shot out.

My back to back baby had anterior placenta which makes back to back position more likely apparently and not much you can do about position of placenta. This baby (30wks preg) also has anterior placenta so I just ordered a gym ball and have been spending my evenings on all fours etc to encourage baby into a good position.

Being supported and labouring in a midwife led unit rather than consultant unit helps your chances of easier delivery. Lots of things can affect how you feel and how you labour, so yes luck is involved but there are things tgat can help make a difference.

I've had 5 and only one was difficult (breech birth!). My first and second were induced and my second was ridiculously easy- didn't properly hurt until the last half hour.

However I've had 5 times of hyperemesis and spd. So while giving birth was easy, the 9 months prior was hell. Then I had pnd.

And my 'difficult' birth, the breech one, was following when I'd had an easier time with hyperemesis (no hospital admissions, only medicated). My youngest was awful pregnancy but very easy birth.

Loads if anecdotal stuff above - if you're after a piece of research, look up Anne Drapkin Lyerly's book 'The Good Birth Project'. It's a fairly recent piece of qual research from America, presented in laymans terms.

In summary, women who've had a 'good birth experience' are NOT universally those who have spontaneous, unassisted births. Many women who had assisted births - even EMCS - also report good birth experiences. What makes the difference is feeling trust in your birthing partners (which is why doulas can be so important); understanding options and making informed choices; feeling in control; feeling respected and 'heard'. (So the pp who mentioned NHS conveyor belt care was actually spot on, in substantiated research terms).

Luck may play a part, but despite what so many people say, preparation does make a difference. It may not change the course of your labour, your birth may not go according to your plan, but understanding what's important to you, having supportive birth partners and knowing your options DO make a difference.

I have 5 boys. Births 1 and 3 were great, 2 was traumatic but thankfully quick, last 2 were awful.

I think luck has a lot to do with it, genetics, if you are tired when labour begins, position of the baby.

Ds3 was definitely a lucky good birth. I'd been waiting on the antenatal ward all day to be induced so I was well rested and I went into labour naturally just before there was space for me on labour ward. I was still classed as an induction so I had one to one care from a midwife who I really clicked with. Ds was born in 2 hours and I felt in control the whole time.

Ds5's birth was a recipe for disaster really. My waters had broken 9 days before at 35 weeks. Dh had to work so I was looking after 4 children on my own with gushing waters, including going to maternity assessment 2x a week with 2 toddlers and sitting there for hours each time, school run etc. By the time I got an infection and they decided to induce me I was exhausted and stressed out. I was admitted an hour before shift change so by the time I had my c-section at nearly 2am i'd met loads of different staff. I'd been nil by mouth all day too

I didn't have an 'amazing' birth, but it was nowhere near the awful experience I had imagined. I was induced (which apparently is intense), but because I had nothing to compare it to, you just get on with it. I had a TENS machine which was amazing, and had gas and air, which was equally great. I think a lot of the way I personally handled it was because of my mental focus. I'm not being a twat by saying that, I had got myself in the right mindset that I knew would work for me. I'm a bit of a control freak at the best of times and so like to at least have the illusion that I have control over what's happening.

Not much help probably! Good luck to you though

DC1: 10 days late, baby who was a bit big for me I think (5'3" me and almost 9lbs baby), student midwife, gas and air kept running out (in cannisters not from wall), baby got stuck on the way out - had a deep red line across forehead for several days! I had lots of stitches and was very sore, they made me get out of the pool to actually give birth. Took about 8 hours in total I think
DC2: Perfect size baby for me - 7.5lbs, waters broke two days beforehand so couldn't have my waterbirth due to NICE guidelines. Meant I had to go onto consultant unit too rather than midwife. I had to go in every 6 hours to get checked as no other signs of labour. 10pm went in for another check, midwife gave me a bit of a sweep to see if that would help. DH drove me home (25mins away), I chatted to my mum for a bit (who was babysitting DC1), made DH drive me back again fairly shortly after that and gave birth at half midnight - 2.5 hours after my sweep, bang on due date - just about! Absolutely textbook labour - happened to get the head midwife and she was lovely.
DC3: had to be induced 10 days early due to various issues (pregnancy related and not related). Had the gel at 11am, contractions started at about 2pm and I gave birth at 5.30pm (after my sister got very cross at the ward staff when they wouldn't believe I dilated quickly and she eventually bullied them into letting me into a labour room with only 15 mins to spare!). No real issues but DC was born with cord wrapped several times around the neck but there was no problem resulting from that.

Personally, I'd much rather give birth several times over than to have to endure 8 months of pregnancy symptoms!!

Luck which meant no complications.

Being able to cope with a straightforward delivery, I attribute to pregnancy yoga, a birth partner who was nice and calm, and huge excitement! (Also G&A!)

So mindset helped - but only to cope emotionally with my 'straightforward' birth, iyswim. No amount of yoga and positivity could have made other births I know of less complicated.

Hypnobirthing. Please PM me if you would like more information.

Also luck. Stayed at homes for ages, so by the time I got to delivery room DD was well on her way. Was in there less than an hour before she was born. No time for any pain relief and I hated gas and air. It was bloody painful, don't get me wrong, but quick and, well, just 'right'. I feel extremely fortunate to have had such a straightforward experience.

DC1 9lb 4 boy -sorry not amazing AT ALL (but ok in the scheme of things), but
DC2 9lb girl- thought it was going same way as DC 1 as it was the same delivery room, no birthing pool available and same back to back presentation, same midwife (she appeared for final stages of v long labour with dc 1 and I think she helped me to narrowly avoid c section, even more weirdly she was from another hosp doing overtime ). However magic midwife was happy not to do an internal and advised me to lay on my left side for a bit for monitoring, she then disappeared as finishing her shift, I had an intense corkscrew contraction while on left side and baby must have turned to correct position (as midwife had hoped), I then hid in toilet for a while to avoid internal from 2nd midwife who thought I wasn't in labour and and to her surprise I was ready to push when she came back, she then snapped into action and was amazing from then on- dc2 born within about an hour of arriving at hospital. No G&A etc felt amazing, just a few stitches, no major discomfort afterwards, luckily had a little postnatal room to ourselves with ensuite for overnight stay, the adrenalin glow/relief etc lasted for weeks. Best thing about second birth was that my dad was scheduled for a surgery on the same day, but I got the birth done by 9 in the morning which meant no one needed to worry much about me and dbaby and could focus on my dad.

I think both midwives werve experienced for dc2, which makes the difference as I had a less experienced midwife for dc 3 and it was ok but not amazing.

Prob luck but 2nd time round but in contrast to dc1 I kept off the sofa during pregnancy, kept active (partly as had a toddler) avoided sugary food etc read up a lot on natural birth so who knows. I did listen to hypno cds during both pregnancies and I think that helped me with visualising for pushing for epidural and forceps birth. Best bet to stay at home as long as possible (ie if contractions are mild and you can occupy yourself) but go for walks and keep busy etc, if something feels wrong go to hospital though, once at hosp great if you can avoid Pain Relief etc, but if you need it take it as it can help. Being active during contractions (pacing floor etc) did help me a lot with no 2 and 3, lying down through contractions was agony in comparison.

My second birth was Easy and Amazing... ...because I had an ELCS. It was so calm and relaxed, I felt in control (even though I was in control of nothing really) and my recovery was super fast.

My first birth was an induction that ended in forceps and episiotomy and a hundred million people in the room all talking at once, it was terrifying and I had nightmares over it for months. Physical recovery took a lot longer than my ELCS.

I'd choose to go in to labour naturally over a CS, but I'd never chose an induction - far rather ELCS.

My first birth was exactly like your Nightfall, I wonder if a lot of the people who feel they had an 'amazing' birth rather than just a 'lucky' 'easy' birth feel like that because they had a bad experience first time round and are amazed that it can be wonderful?

We watched a video of a woman giving birth in the Netherlands, at home, no pain relief and with her husband beside her. I thought, well if she can do it, then why can't I?

I was very lucky to have had DS at a birthing centre and was the only patient there! I had MW and a nurse, a birthing ball and MW gave me a massage on the bottom of my back during contractions - that was it really.

Luck, and possibly good preparation (went to two sets of ante-natal classes - bonus made some great baby friends), trusting your body and those around you, thinking it's bloody amazing that your body is creating another life? A high pain threshold and an ability to detach slightly from the whole thing?

Basically positivity can only help, but it's easier to say that after relatively good and straight-forward births I realise that! DD was born in a water-pool, DS arrived within half an hour of us arriving at hospital.

LOL at your water-slide fanjo - a pity DS missed out on that as sadly water pool unavailable in more provincial city where I had DS. Had DD at the fab London St. Georges in their pool room

Have a doula. I had one both times (same one), she really helped.

Obviously luck helps too, but it's harder to arrange in advance.

Whilst I have 3 DS I have never experienced labour due to various reasons ending in C-Sections. However I would say that my 2nd and 3rd C-Sections were 'amazing' birth experiences and relatively 'easy'. The reasons why were attitude towards the birth and of course luck. With DS1 I had very unrealistic expectations with this idea that I had 'control' and could 'plan' the birth. DS1 had a completely different idea and was breach. I did lots of research (but had not discovered Mumsnet at that point) but mentally could not accept that I had not 'failed' by having a C-section. I found the hospital experience very difficult and whilst I did not have PND I did feel a complete failure and struggled for the first couple of months. With DS2 I was much more relaxed about the whole birth thing. Had some preferences but accepted that what would happen would happen. DS2 decided he really did not want to be born and after more research I decided another C-section was the best plan. I had mentally reconciled myself that as long as the baby and I were healthy it really did not matter how he was born. I knew all about planned C-sections so was mentally and physically prepared and all went well. With DS3 again I decided after research that a C-section was best and was even more prepared.

So things to steal...

Do your research but have realistic expectations - babies often have their own agenda!

Both planned c-sections were lovely and easy. The scar pulled a bit after the first one, but is now absolutely fine after the second (they cut the first scar off and created, I think, a better one).

Luck.

Also, it's what I wanted. I felt safe and looked-after.

I also stayed at home as long as I could. With two midwifes attending me and monitoring. I had a private room and was never separated from oh unless I wanted to be. I was able to keep my older child with me so had no anxiety about childcare. I managed to avoid being physically examined as I am not comfortable with that and I remained clothed or covered to my comfort all the way through. I gave birth how I wanted to and never got in a bed.

It hurt like shit, but the babies were lovely and I remember a lot of laughter. They were genuinely great days. With great food and drink and lots of family and friends coming round after. Just joyful. And such a brilliant feeling to not be pregnant, I felt awesome. On such a birth high I didn't sleep for days.

My first labour was amazingly quick and easy. I had some mil dish contractions at home, but went to bed. Slept for several hours (dh was perched on the bed timing the whimpers between my snores) and at 4 am the contractions started waking me up and I couldn't sleep through them anymore so we drove to the hospital. Was admitted and I was 3cm. Bounced on a birthing ball, used some of the yoga positions I'd learnt and sampled some lovely gas and air. 3 hours later my contractions suddenly became painful (rather than uncomfortable) and I decided I needed more pain relief. The midwife measured me (I was 6cm) so she went to fill the birthing pool to see if water would help. I went and did a wee, and suddenly had a huge contraction after that, my waters broke and 10 minutes later dd was out. The pool didn't even have time to fill up.

With ds I got to hospital a bit earlier, as I'd been warned that my second labour could be scarily quick, so first period pain like cramps I went there. I was only 1cm at 9 am. Nothing much happened for a few hours, just mild contractions. By 2pm I was At 5 cm I went into the birthing pool. Floated around not doing too much when 20 minutes later my waters suddenly went and ds swam out very shortly after.

At new mum groups people would swap stories of their labours and I always felt a tad guilty at having such an easy labour compared to them.

First birth was a total piece of piss. Induced but had ds (8lb11) after 6 hours of mild contractions - they never got that bad and were never very close apart.

Then I had dd. Fucking hell I thought I was dying the pain was so intense - she wAs over 9lb and back to back and again, I was induced. The pain was like nothing on earth.

Luck of the drama.

*draw

I had two good birthing experiences...I consider myself lucky.

Birth 1 - only used gas and air, long labour through 3 days of slow labour...regular but weak contractions....like 3 days of intense period pains which meant very little sleep. By the time I got to hospital as contractions had ramped up and gotten close together I was so sleep deprived and then add in gas an air I was too off my face to care about much until 6 hours later when it was time to push....that woke me up!! Had lovely midwife who was very understanding and had a lovely warm motherly feel about her...helped a lot as I had lost my mum when young and I believe my birth would not have been the experience it was without her calm and encouraging nature.

Birth 2 - Water birth and gas and air....much faster labour this time (yay) pool was lovely and relaxing, both midwives were lovely and fun, we cracked jokes. It was painful yes, but I felt in control and I felt like I knew what I was doing....what my body was doing (no fear of the unknown like first birth). I watched my DD2 being born, I was the first person to touch her, I lifted her from the water, I saw her first breath of air, her first look at the world....now that was amazing!! Laid down on a bed with birth of DD1 I didn't get to see/do any of that and I wouldn't have ever realised I'd missed out on so much in those first few seconds of life if it hadn't been for my second birth with DD2.

As lucky as I am for what I consider to be great birthing experiences...I am luckiest most of all to have had 2 healthy babies who are growing up and are the greatest love of my life.

Sorry I am very soppy at the moment...a lot of emotional stuff going on right now. Ahem...as you were ladies