...to ask those that had an 'easy' and 'amazing' birth how the hell they managed it?

[stumblymonkey]

Hi,

I'm shamelessly posting here for traffic.

I hear these stories of women who have had 'easy' births or 'amazing' birth experiences.

Are they urban myths? Or reserved for child #16 when your vagina is stretched to water slide proportions?

Did anyone have a great birthing experience with DC1 and if so.....what do you think you did, if anything, that I could steal?

Oh and both of mine were easy and straightforward. I don't take any credit for that, it's just the way my body worked on the day.

Luck
Genetics
Well positioned baby
Small baby
Good child bearing hips

I didn't have any of these. But everyone I know who had an easy labour and birth had several of them .

It's all quite subjective I think. One person's easy and straightforward is another person's Holy Fuck, that sounds appalling. iyswim?

My first was about 8 hours start to finish, epidural but no real bother - I thought it was awful, especially as I hated the experience of being in hospital and had some after effects, but my friend gave birth at the same time and hers took 30 hours and then an EMCS so to her it seemed fantastic.

I felt guilty about that.

Second was very straightforward and took three hours, at home, with no pain relief but it was terrifying and I had a PPH.

See that was awful, to me, but to others maybe it seemed easy? It could have been a great deal worse, obviously.

Another friend wanted a home birth after I had mine, and when she did it was described as 'beautiful and magical' but I can't understand how that happens - surely that level of pain is never really beautiful?

I suspect a little exaggeration was at play tbh She was conscious of what people thought of her, more than I was. So it was something she had to have.I don't know, maybe it really was a sparkling magical event but I honestly can't imagine that.

Luck/position/head size of baby.

Not me, but my mil. She had DH and had what is possibly the worst birth I've ever heard of - highlights being blue-lights ambulance trip between hospitals at 9cm, massive haemorrhage, and keilands forceps with NO pain relief at all, not even g&a. DH had a massive head, was back to back, rotated during labour and got stuck.

She then had SIL in America and had a completely lovely, natural, quick delivery. She had no pain relief again (presumably because she thought that if she could manage what happened in her first delivery, then she could manage anything!) Because deliveries are often quite medicalised in America, the doctors asked her if some paramedics could come and watch, because they needed to get experience of someone giving birth drug-free!!

My birth with DD was very similar to MILs first one, back to back, got stuck, massive head, refused forceps, emcs. But I had pain relief!! Am hoping for one like her second when dc2 arrives in the summer.

I had an amazing easy birth with dc1

I was lucky (was induced and went into natural labour myself almost immediately)
Small, perfectly positioned baby
Hypnobirthed
Stayed calm
And i think what helped for me was that I didn't actually realise I was in fully established labour, after every contraction I thought to myself 'ok you managed that but it going to get worse' then I transitioned, then she was born!

I started my leave at 32 weeks and did the Fit for Birth exercises religiously x3 daily plus 6-8 hours of ball work daily to encourage baby into a good position. I had DD1 doing 'ball work' on a mini-ball when I was pg with DD2!

I practised my breathing and visualisation exercises from 32 weeks. I did Hypnobirthing with DD2 as well.

I used TENS machine from first twinges as well as frequent position changes in early labour - mostly with the ball.

I made a quiet, dark 'cave' in my bedroom for my labours. I tried to think as a mammal.

I had listened to my mum and gran telling me all my life that labour and birth were easy. This constant drip drip from infancy must make a difference. Conversely, I was constantly told bf was impossible...I found it so...

I gave birth in a stand alone MLU both times with experienced midwives. Delightful place with birth pools in each labour room. No obvious obstetric equipment on view. All hidden behind wood paneling. Birth mats, birth stools, etc. all available.

Delivered DD1 in the pool and DD2 on a mat. Both lovely, empowering experiences.

But, every birth is different. If we have another, I'll be too old for the MLU I spoke of. I will have to go to the CLU 25 miles from there. It contains no environmental or people factors which will help me labour.

Not painless, but I consider mine really positive for a first baby.
I walked throughout pregnancy, had osteopath sessions for my hips and hired a doula. I think all these things helped. Especially the doula.

I lost my plug 5:30 am, stayed st home til the contractions started getting properly hard to manage at around 4pm, called the doula, went into hospital at 8:30, had baby out by 11:15 after 45 mins of pushing.

If I did it again, I would go in with the mindset that birth is something you do, not something that is done to you. I wish I had taken that on board beforehand.

A lot of luck. Quite a bit of exercise to get ds into position, a fairly relaxed approach, high pain threshold and no doubt some genetics. My mum pushed me and my sisters out 'easily' without pain relief. I would never describe labour and birth as easy but I did enjoy it. Perhaps some karma too given that his conception was anything but easy!

DS my waters had mecronium in them so was hooked up to a drip. Used my TENS for most of it until they decided it needed to be increased a lot, and then they tried to hook up an epidural. It didn't work as before it was settled, I was 10cm, and I'm glad for that now. Things started to go very wrong at the end of labour - DS heart rate was down to 17 - but the overall experience was a very good one. DS was thankfully fine, I had no tears, recovered easily.

Luck, mindset, pelvis shape, baby positioning.

Forgot to mention that he was in superman pose with arm by head, so pushing him out relatively calmly was not a given!

Also, like star girl I changed positions a lot in early labour, was mostly leant over a ball as sitting was too uncomfortable, gave birth standing up. There's no way I'd be fit enough to do it like that as I currently am. I remember thinking that labour is like a marathon you don't get to quit.

Luck
Excellent one to one female support (dc1 doula and midwives at home for other 4)
Trusting my body
Positioning
Perineal massage
Finding the right pain relief for me (TENs water and gas at the very end)
Child bearing hips
Mother who had multiple (more than 6) successful uncomplicated deliveries so I thought that was achievable and normal.

Luck mainly and the fact that 2nd time around the midwife realised that I couldn't feel contractions until they had peaked and we're starting to tail off.
Dc1 I was the most worried of all the other pregnant women I knew. If they had said we will knock you out and when you wake up you'll have a baby I would have been delighted. When I went into labour I suddenly became very calm. I felt like I'd had a gradual build up to painful contractions and my contractions all three times were irregular right up to delivery. But the one thing I didn't know and wish someone had mentioned was that in between contractions you usually feel perfectly normal I may have been less anxious. I knew it wasn't one giant contraction from start to finish but also never occurred to me I'd feel perfectly normal in between.
I did have three rotten pregnancies so birth was almost a relief. I was extremely lucky all three births that they were all straight forward textbook labours that also important I think I was made to feel in complete control of.

luck

the rest is just coincidence

I doubt any amount of support would have helped!

dd1 - 36 hour labour on gas and air = ecs
dd2 - 24 hours - epidural - 3 failed ventouse attempts - born in theatre by 4th ventouse not breathing - has minor brain damage
dd3 - 3o hours - esc

my pelvis doesn't open we now know

Luck. I had two fairly quick labours - it was the worst pain I'd ever experienced but I only had a couple of hours of it. I found the pushing stage easy. Neither labour was anything near "perfect" but they were both amazing experiences. In fact I'd love to do it one more time (just not the next 18 years ) I also found breastfeeding easy but again it was luck , and before I sound too smug I hated the baby stage and neither of mine slept through till they were 3

Luck plus midwives who trusted me to know what was going on with my own body and actually listened to me.

No childbearing hips here, I have a v narrow pelvis. However I had a baby shaped like me, long and narrow. I also remained fit and active throughout pregnancy. It still really hurt, but for such a small amount of time I believe it's far easier to tolerate than slightly less pain for hours or days.

However, remaining fit and active in pregnancy isn't a choice open to everyone, and even if you are so, it's no guarantee of an easy birth. Nor can you magically make your baby a perfect shape for your body. There is a massive amount of luck involved.

I think half the trick is not to dwell on it afterwards. Obviously this excludes those who truly had a traumatic birth or where a medical error was made but I think some women tend to dwell on it. Birth isn't a pleasant experience. I just accepted it was going to hurt and got on with it and once I had my dd I never gave it a second thought.

Luck yes, also straightforward pregnancy and fantastic care. I live near a stand alone mlu, and they prefer women to stay at home as long as possible. My waters broke at the beginning (early in the morning) and got sent home twice during the day because I wasn't close enough. When I went in the third time and they finally examined me, I was fully dilated. Pushed her out in around an hour and it was fine, the pain stopped completly between the contractions so I didn't get tired. For my part, the only credit I can take is that I trusted the midwives and went with it.

First of all, luck. And I agree also entirely with subjective, because I loved all three of my labours, they were very different, and they would all sound horrible to some people.

I don't know about genetics, as my mother died before I ever heard about her experiences. But I had big babies, at least two of which weren't positioned well, and with my first I had been completely incapacitated for months with PGP so no exercise. I was overweight with all three. So don't think you have no chance if you haven't managed to be fit and mobile all through.

So, the biggest factor for me was NHS case loading midwives. I had women I knew and trusted with me every time; the same midwife delivered two of my children. They knew me, just as importantly, so we worked brilliantly together by the third time!

Their view on why I enjoyed (more or less) much of labour was that I trusted my body and didn't fear the process. On the contrary, I looked forward to labour and would happily go through it again.

I had pain relief (water and gas and air at various times) but the pain never felt unmanageable. I have birth at home, which meant I had complete control over my environment and no anxiety over or disruption of a transfer.

I was given, by the midwives, the luxury of time. I have been told that if I'd gone to hospital with my first she would have been a C section, as I didn't progress quickly as she wasn't brilliantly positioned. Instead I spent time dangling upside off my sofa, and after 75 hours of full on 'latent' labour, she turned, and active labour was straightforward five hours.

I was always allowed to push naturally, without any direction or inference. It seems I dilate slowly and then suddenly it all happens, so by baby three we all knew the score.

But luck is huge. Plenty of women have what I had and end up with more complicated and painful births. I think the idea of reframing what a 'perfect' birth (if there is such a thing) looks like is vital. If you can come out of it feeling that you were heard, and supported, then I think that makes the biggest difference when you look back.

Pure luck. I had one easy and one more difficult. Just luck.

Luck. After the birth of our first child DH told everyone I made it look easy despite said baby being 9lbs and a very quick and intense induction at 39 weeks. With him I was able to get in the zone, despite never having learned any hypnobirth techniques etc, I went in with an open mind and what the midwives had taught me at parentcraft and had an excellent time of it.

After our second, also an early induction but 9lbs 8oz, back to back, arm in front of face, cord round neck, baby in distress, had to have my waters broken and drugs to slow my labour he was a bit more reticent

Just luck really. Contractions started at 9am and baby was born by 11am. I had no time for an epidural as baby came so quickly. I think not having any pain relief actually helped because it forced me to push and the recovery was easier. Don't know if that counts as "easy" but I was definitely well rested and the short labour meant my body wasn't exhausted. I did take raspberry leaf tea which I think helped a hell of a lot in preparing me for it as it is supposed to.

My babies were in the right position for birth with no cord entanglements. That was luck.

The thing I did was to think about how I deal with fear and pain.

I decided I was going to manage my fear by staying relaxed and in control. So I found something to focus on as part of my 'control' and focused on it each time I had contractions, along with slow deep breathing.

I decided to take the pain as it came and if I needed drugs I would have them. In the end, I only used gas and air, but was willing to try whatever I needed.

Labour is painful, but there are drugs and you can control your fear and I think that's the key. Only you know how you deal with fear and you need to work out your coping strategies.

Luck..... and avoiding NHS midwives.

I'm sure most of them mean well, and under different circumstances they'd be able to offer a supportive empowering experience.

But the two births I had that I made it to hospital with were both easy births made miserable by the disinterested "conveyor belt" care that I received. Sorry.

"Luck..... and avoiding NHS midwives."

Please ignore this pwrticular piece of bull shit.