...to ask those that had an 'easy' and 'amazing' birth how the hell they managed it?

[stumblymonkey]

Hi,

I'm shamelessly posting here for traffic.

I hear these stories of women who have had 'easy' births or 'amazing' birth experiences.

Are they urban myths? Or reserved for child #16 when your vagina is stretched to water slide proportions?

Did anyone have a great birthing experience with DC1 and if so.....what do you think you did, if anything, that I could steal?

Luck. And genetics. I come from a long line of women who give birth easily.

Oh, and I think being older. I was much more accepting and philosophical at 37 than I would have been at 27. But also much more confident.

Luck
Mine were born in the 70's and dc1 was no more than uncomfortable. It was a long labour and I had pethidine about 8 hours in so I could sleep then no more pain relief. I was happy and excited. I read a book by Erna Wright called The New Childbirth which advocated breathing techniques which I used but it also demystified the whole process so I wasn't scared at all.
Dc2 was faster but I had no pain relief and again no real pain. They tried to get me to use gas and air 'to take the edge off' but there was no edge except when I stopped concentrating on my breathing.
Dd didn't have an awful time with her two either and my mum always said my birth was quite easy so there may be a genetic element to it.

My first was okay, I'd say it was pretty easy because I felt a bit too drugged up. The second wasn't easy but it was absolutely amazing. My mum delivered her.
I think any birth is amazing when you get a healthy baby.

I've had 7 children.
DD was the easiest compared to her brothers, because she was the smallest (stil 8lb 3oz) and I didn't tear with her and the pushing phase was very well managed by the MWs.
But as she was my second VBAC they were watching me like a hawk and I was on the high risk ward so nothing was actually easy.

DS1 - very traumatic, forceps delivery plus lost a lot of blood
DS2 - 2 weeks late, fucked up epidural had to be re-sited twice
DS3 - very fast birth, so all in all probably easiest - dreadful bf though due to undected tongue tie
DS4 - footling breach discovered very late, ECS
(MC at 12 weeks)
DS5 - first VBAC, very stressful
DD - second VBAC
DS6 - third VBAC, very horrible pushing phase which I'm conviced started off my gallstones moving (was very ill soon after and had to have gallbladder removed asap).
But he was born on the hottest day of the year and moments after he was born there was a massive thunderstorms that lasted for ages. I remember it as fireworks, celebrating that we are finally done. .It was truly special.

So there. 7 beautiful, healthy babies. That first moment of seeing them, holding them, aahhh, nothing ever compares to the amazingness of that.

We have a tradition, that on the eve of their birthday I tell them their birth stories. They love hearing it.

Regarding difficulties, I think it depends on how long you have been pushing in the third stage and if you push at the wrong time, the third stage can be extremely tiring. And when it comes to the pushing stage it's a bit like trying to hold in a massive urge to poo, you really have to concentrate very hard not to push when the midwives tell you not to. Panting slowly does help as does getting on all fours - though once the transition stage was over I decided to do it in a semi reclined position. Push hard when told to, you'll be asked to do this about three times, but you can relax in between (you'll need that!).

The transition to the third stage of pushing is quite overwhelming. But so long as you have the support then, I think you'll be ok.

I've had three and all were 'uneventful', though to me they were the most wonderful events of my life!

Good luck, and listen to your body. Most women do have 'uneventful' births.

Sheer luck. I don't think genetics have anything to do with it. DM was in labour for quite a few hours with me (not quite sure how long), but I gave birth to DD1 in just over 3 hours and to DD2 in an hour and a half. DD1 had a baby in October and was in labour for well over 50 hours. I had both of mine with only entenox and DD1 had a couple of shots of diamorphine. It is purely down to luck.

I know few people who had an "amazing" first birth, sorry. The thing is, the pain and the physical sensation is so intense, so much more than anything else you have experienced, that most people freak out.

The birth of my DS2 was amazing - because I knew what to expect, and wasn't surprised by the intensity of it.

I have to say that with DS1, although it was an "easy" and textbook birth, I was scared and panicked as the pain was so intense!

So, I'm sorry to say that. I would suggest you prepare yourself for something completely out of your current scale of pain and, if you want a natural birth, remember that every woman in the world is capable to cope with the pain! (if they WANT or not is a different question, but if they want, they can).

(and, as PP mentioned, I know I was very, very lucky with my births)

Luck in the position of your baby.

If your baby is back to back it's going to be difficult.

Mine was easy I think and also down to luck. Like a previous poster has mentioned I had suffered with such bad periods in the past I expected it to hurt a lot more . I had no idea I was in labour - to me the pains were too mild and a bit like having a tummy upset. By the time my waters broke we realised we should go to the birthing centre. The midwife said I had no time for pain relief so we just got down to it , pushing etc. It was so fast and also just listening to the midwife and doing what I was told really helped , I did not faff around with music and aromatherapy I just did the business!

I'm afraid I think it's genetics. My mum had fairly quick and straightforward births and so did I. I also had a non sedentary job though, so was upright and moving around all day. Both babies were in the right position. Too quick for epidural too, which apparently slow down labour.

Number 1- Ventouse delivery and I was in for 36 hours, but he was born after 12 hours of established labour. Pushed for over two hours. No stitches but lots of grazes.

Baby 2, 3, 4, and 5 I had a show, had labour pains, an hour and two pushes later they were out. No stitches and I got up straight away and was walking around. It was just luck but it still bloody hurt.

I'm a massive wimp when it comes to pain but had pretty easy births.

Dc1 was back to back, went in at 7cm, laboured for a couple more hours and pushed for 40 mins. Delivered on my side, which apparently helps for B2B babies?

DC2 was a hwb, recorded as 3hrs with 8 mins second stage although the latent stage was longer than on DC1 and my last exam was at 5cm, around 45 mins before I delivered.

Both probably had an element of luck on the day, plus I have a pear shape and wide hips but given DC1 was in a notoriously difficult position I think there's definitely an element of mindset at play too - I was stoic/resigned to having to go through it, just gritted my teeth and totally went in to myself. I barely uttered a word towards the end and certainly wasn't throwing myself around, effing and jeffing.

I had the fight/flight response in my mind and was determined to get those endorphins!

I've been in on a couple of births and the worst one was when she completely lost it and started ranting, being panicked etc, she couldn't pull it back from there and get back to a calmer place and ended up citing the birth as the worst thing she's ever experienced.

Luck and selective memories.

It's lovely to think that you can DO something, but there's no secret that anyone is keeping from you.

If there really was some brilliant piece of advice that would make birth safer and easier and more pleasant, the NHS would be saying it to you at every midwife visit (it's in their interests for you to have the simplest birth possible).

Luck. Child bearing hips according to some people I know (think big 😂). I used a tens machine, stayed at home and paced around like crazy. Waited until far on to go into hospital and then had lovely midwives that encouraged me to still move around. Accepted the pain I felt was going to be productive and read up on the different stages before hand to ensure I didn't panic....i know, I know it may not help everyone but my sis had two 'easy' births and suggested it. Loved the gas and air, but just pushed without anything. It hard and painful, but also exciting and enjoyable, understanding that the pain meant my body was doing the right things to get baby out. Twenty minutes of pushing, out popped baby. Maybe it just runs in my family, we all seem to have had births like that 😊

2 relatively straightforward not overly long births (one of which was back to back).

Pure bloody lucky is what it came down to.
I do have ongoing issues with my hips as a result of the pregnancies though.

I had a back to back baby and had 29 out of body agonising hours where waters went at the start, but I didn't dilate, baby turned inside me and they didn't admit me so no pain relief - so thrashed about at home.

however the actual labour itself - 4 hours long - with just had and air I felt like I was the queen of the universe. A tired and exhausted queen but nonetheless in control and strong. The moment they told my broken soul that I was ready finally I got gas and air. The moment I got gas and air something flipped and I asked DH to get me on my hands and knees. Then I bellowed on the gas and air and birthed my son - it was surreal and empowering

I had a 'good experience' with my birth. It was painful but not unmanageable. I was in the pool with g+a, but it was honestly a good, supporting partner that helped the most. He got into a good rhythm of knowing when I wanted the gas and when I wanted a drink. I also avoided overwhelming myself with information beforehand - didn't do classes, hypnobirthing, reading 'worst case's stories - just decided to go with it. I was lucky, didn't tear and was home the same evening. However, I can see how it could have been a very different story, my baby was back to back for weeks, and arrived the same day I was due to be induced, who knows how it could have turned out if those factors were in play.

Not being frightened and practising with the hypnobirthing online course (£30). Me and a group of expectant friends did it at the same time.

Knowing what the sensations are and relaxing and breathing into them meant we all had fairly easy births. Some pain-free, some not.

No magic ingredient but this really helps I didn't have any expectations or a rigid birth plan. I was prepared to go with the flow and see how it went.

I echo everyone else who has said 'luck'. All 3 of mine were relatively quick, and I didn't have any pain relief (tried gas and air the first time and it made me feel really sick, so abandoned it) but I didn't do anything in particular to make it that way.

(with DC3 though, I did ignore the midwife who said to have paracetamol and stay at home, and went straight to hospital, where I gave birth within 4 minutes of arrival!)

Luck. I've had one vile birth which no amount of positive mindset would have made less vile, and one straightforward one.

We were all 1st time mums btw

I also think the "perfect birth" is very subjective, and a tad over rated. I had a mix of ND, induction, ELCS and EMCS and whilst they were all different and none of them texbook perfect they were all unique and resulted in my children being born. There is a lot of "perfect birth" pressure, and expectations put on women to create their own perfect experience. May be we need to reframe perfect?

Another one saying luck. Ds (my first) transition was tough - but the midwife didn't realise how quickly I'd dilated so that was also the time she decided to leave us to ourselves and go and do some paperwork... Otherwise, lots of shouting and swearing, but never needed to go beyond gas and air for pain relief. I can remember being really amazed and how much of the time I wasn't in pain for. Whilst I knew there were gaps between contractions, the 'quiet space to chat' wasn't something I expected.

Dd was hugely easier because I knew I could do it - didn't occur to me that I hadn't had pain relief at all (not even an aspirin!) until after she was born. Gutted, I bloody love gas&air! But, actually I would almost describe that birth as pain-free, or at least 'beyond pain' if that makes any sense - I was absolutely in control, and able to breath through everything. I didn't do anything fancier than a few pregnancy yoga classes for either birth.

It's luck, that's all.