What would make you uncomfortable as a house guest

[0christmastree5]

I don't want to say much but have an unwanted house guest, how can subtly make them leave of their own accord? I'm too cowardly to say FO

[Melonaire]

Turn off your wifi. Say it's broken.

[OhSoggyBiscuit]

Take up the trumpet. Then practice it at 4am on the dot, every night.

[Rainbowqueeen]

A fight between you and your DH to the point where you are not speaking to each other and make me as house guest be the middle man and pass messages between you

[GruntledOne]

Leave things like train timetables around, opened at the page for departures to whatever their destination is, with convenient trains highlighted.

[GruntledOne]

Wake your DC at 5 a.m., feed them industrial quantities of coke and send them in to bounce on the guests.

[AnthonyPandy]

That is incredibly rude to want to get rid of guests, I am really shocked that Mumsnetters feel this way tbh.

Let them stay as long as they like ffs and make sure you update every hour, on the hour for at least a week. Or two.

[celeste83]

Start cleaning around them. Make it look like you're killing time whilst speaking to them i guess lol

[Melonaire]

Or ask them if they know the 50 causes of vaginal itch.

[VimFuego101]

Scratch a lot and leave your web browser open on a Google search for headlice/ ringworm/ scabies/ fleas/ bedbug treatment.

[liletsthepink]

Do you have a nosy family member or friend? You need the type who loves to find out every single detail about your guest especially intimate or personal stuff. A day from hell with lots of questions about how much they earn, the cost of their rent or mortgage and why they are married/single/divorced/childless/have children etc. I can supply this type of friend if you are in the South East!

[uglyswan]

Invite me to stay with you.

[GingerMerkin]

Are you the same poster who was worried about uninvited guests before Christmas? They never updated so wondering if you are they and have name changed?

[SnuffleGruntSnorter]

Take the bathroom doors off their hinges, invent a bonkers reason for it and refuse to put them back on.

[ShelaghTurner]

Invoice them

[AnthonyPandy]

Ooh ShelaghTurner that happened to someone I vaguely know!

[MidniteScribbler]

My ex let one of his friends from overseas stay freeload once. Three months later I had reached my limit. When he went out on the patio for a cigarette I'd 'accidently' lock the backdoor then disappear to my bedroom where I couldn't possibly hear him banging on the door.

I also stopped buying and preparing food for him. When he came and sat at the dining table expectantly, I'd just say 'oh, what did you buy for yourself for dinner?' and happily tuck in to mine and ignore him.

He got the hint.

[PennyHasNoSurname]

No wifi
No milk.or teabags
Dirty bathroom
Arguments / tension between you and dh

[ComposHatComesBack]

Invite my mother in law round, she has a talent for making you about as welcome as a fart in a phonebox.

[LadyStoicIsBack]

The question is, how did you acquire an 'unwanted houseguest'?

Did they just rock up with a case asking directions to the spare room?

Am genuinely very by your OP/your 'dilemma' aka WTAF is actually going on?

Appreciate you 'don't want to say much' but there's a whacking gap between avoiding saying too much and an OP that's a mere 1.5 lines long! How can we continue to nose and be utterly transfixed by this possibly advise you if we don't have a SINGLE detail?

Y'know, like when they arrived, where they invited at that point, was there no fixed departure date, are you feeding them, are they contributing, do they have somewhere else to go, are they in fact a human or are you actually taking about a stray cat??!

[AcrossthePond55]

If they're an uninvited houseguest, you just say leave. If they're an invited houseguest that's overstayed their welcome…..do the same.

I'm betting it's either OP's iLs or parents. Anyone else you'd probably be able to say something.

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

Sex toys on the draining rack.

[listsandbudgets]

Best you don't leave them feeling unwanted and with nothing to look forward to so how about:

"its been lovely having you but Fred Bloggs is coming to stay tomorrow night and we can't cancel him. Sorry to cut our time together short, perhaps we could all come and stay with you for a couple of weeks soon we will have a great time the children love exploring other people's houses"

[LuciaInFurs]

My MIL openly invites everyone to a meal out except me. It's worked, I haven't visited in almost three years.

[Nataleejah]

Don't feed them. Starvation will drive them out.