What would make you uncomfortable as a house guest

[0christmastree5]

I don't want to say much but have an unwanted house guest, how can subtly make them leave of their own accord? I'm too cowardly to say FO

[Frostycake]

I think we need a little more info. as it depends hugely on the house guest.
Why are they still there?
How long have they been there?
How old are they?
Do they suffer from any illnesses?
How many are in the house?
Do they have somewhere to go?
Do they work?

If it were me, then I'd go if I felt unwelcome, cold, hungry or in the way.

[0christmastree5]

All touched out .. I love it. I'm at that stage.

He retired too early and is now bored, abit depressed infact as things at home have taken a shitty turn. I didn't mind tooooo much for the 1st 3 weeks but now I do.
An eternal fart imo.
He's dh friend for decades and invited himself to uk "to help" him with something, but is my dh's constant shadow. I'm sulking because I'm well and truly "dethroned" in my own fucking home by my own fucking dh. I don't know how to be assertive without being rude. Such as why are you in my seat (front of my car) leaving me to sit in the back, my seat at dinner table, slobbing on sofa and snoring, where I like to sit after a 12 hour day. Rrrrgggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

[Frostycake]

Ah, a male unwanted house guest. I'm guessing it's a relative who doesn't work then. Maybe very young or very old, hence having nowhere to go. Sounds like your dh needs to step up and tell him to leave.

[BigChocFrenzy]

Most important question:
Is your DH happy with him being there or does he also want rid ?

Either way: TELL your DH that HE is doing the laundry for his chum, not you

[Waltermittythesequel]

Wtf?

Put your foot down! Seriously!

Tell dh to get rid of him or you will.

Don't worry about doing it politely. If you're rude enough to cause a row, you'll never have to worry about this again.

[liletsthepink]

Why on earth are you doing his washing? No wonder he keeps coming back if you feed him and look after him so well.

Tell your DH that getting rid of this houseguest will be cheaper and more pleasant than a divorce but you are giving him a choice. He can no longer have both you and the leech.

[ExitPursuedByABear]

That is just bloody awful.

Is there somewhere you could move to on a temporary basis?

[OnlyLovers]

Why on earth are you doing his washing? No wonder he keeps coming back if you feed him and look after him so well.

Hear hear. In the nicest possible way, OP, grow a pair and tell him it's time to go. Or at least for him and DH to take their toys and play outside for a change.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Wow that is worse than his dad...

You have to be very assertive with your DH and absolutely insist he makes it very clear indeed that he is not welcome more than (say) one afternoon a week. No spending week night evenings in your house. One meal a week with you. No doing his washing.

If you let him act the way he is doing now, in your house all the time that your DH is, never letting you two be alone in your house, taking your seat, sleeping on your sofa in the evenings, going out and about by car with you two by the sound of it - your marriage will break down or you will be a household of 3 adults for the rest of your days.

He may outlive you and never leave...

Have a very, very forthright conversation with your DH tonight. Ultimatums if necessary.

[0christmastree5]

I've told dh I'm unhappy with this situation. Whilst I understand and they are long long time friends, I don't like having him around "all the time". Thanks for your replies I needed to gauge if I'm being silly and precious. This way of turning up and expecting so much is alien to me, my dh not so much, he doesn't mind. The "guest" will be hughely put out, I know.

[OnlyLovers]

The "guest" will be hughely put out, I know.

Who cares? None of us here do. We're your chorus.

When you told your DH you were unhappy, what did he say?

[TheVeryThing]

Love some of the suggestions but seriously, you are crazy to have put up with this for so long.

I'll ask again, what did you say when he gave you his washing?

Tell your dh that he needs to go.

[DoreenLethal]

Well, it's either him or you love.

I'd be packing a bag and telling him he has until 6pm to decide whether his mate comes first or his wife. Is it not your house too?

[wotoodoo]

Tell him you'll need to treat him for lice and threadworms tonight with a knowing look

Ask him to fetch you cups of tea, ask him bring home a takeaway, ask him to hang out the laundry and give him a list of other chores as you leave the house..

Be as passive aggressive as you can and get him at your beck and call, he'll be too polite to decline.

Ask him for a back and head massage and hoot with laughter deleriously so that your dh comes running..

op you are wasting a golden opportunity if you don't make the most of having 2 men in your house, at least get all your DIY done and then innocently say 'ooh dh said you were here to help'..

[WonderingAspie]

Leave yourself.

Tell your DH you will return when he realises it is your home and you do not want this slobbing freeloader there at all. It has gone far enough! Your DH is taking the piss regardless of how long they have been friends.

[diddl]

"my dh not so much, he doesn't mind. "

Of course he doesn't mind-it's no effort for him!

[ImperialBlether]

Do you have enough money to book yourself into a B&B for a couple of nights?

[Zorigami]

Book yourself into a spa for a week. Tell DH for every week he is in your home, you will be having a week on holiday :-) Or tell visitor to pull his weight if he wants to be welcomed in your home. I'd tell him to bog off after this amount of time, but not everyone is as arsey as me

good luck Ochristmastree5

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

If the OP leaves she may well return in a week to find that the unwanted guest has well and truly moved in and everything is worse and harder to undo.

The guest has to leave - its the OP's house, she shouldn't have to live in a B&B!

A much firmer conversation has to be had - he is your DH's old friend but you are his wife. He is sitting in your seat not your DH's. You are cooking for him. You are doing his laundry. State clearly to your DH that you are no longer happy or at home in your own house, and his guest must stop spending every evening and all weekend with you. Your life is being spoilt by this and you are not prepared to accept it - you have already been incredibly supportive by allowing it to go on this long (be sure your DH acknowledges that in so many very specific words) but now you have done your share of helping him out and you need your home back.

Set ground rules. Be clear. If necessary let your DH know that your marriage cannot survive this going on indefinitely and that you will have to see a solicitor about sorting the situation out legally. Offer to start marriage counselling with him if he says you are being unreasonable but be clear you are very unhappy and cannot and will not live like this.

You have to make this DH's problem - at the moment it doesn't bother him because it doesn't put him out - his friend, he is able to relax fully, you are not fully relaxed with this man in your house and you are the one being pushed out of your place and expected to wait upon this man like a maid, doing his laundry, cooking his meals and giving up your seat to him in the car, on the sofa and at the table...

[0christmastree5]

Thanks very much for your replies. Sorry I'm not addressing you personally I'm on my phone.
Dh knows I want his friend to be self sufficient or go home.
I can't leave, the dc need me and their home.

How do people work this shit through, seriously it's dh house too right? I'm not minimising anything But my feelings are dh thinks I'm being a social idiot again.

[BeautyIsTruth]

What do your children think about him being there? Or are they not old enough to have an opinion?

You are NOT being a social idiot because you don't want to be a slave to some bloke who slobs around in his y-fronts. Yuck! No good advice on how to get rid of him but please at the very least don't do his cooking or washing.

[0christmastree5]

Schw, you have it perfectly, sadly both men have come to see what I do as "woman's work" and therefore one extra is no biggie. If my dh helps around the house, (very rare and because he knows I'm not happy) friend says, you are like the woman, I know dh doesn't care, it just illustrates his mentality.

[knobblyknee]

Find Jesus, insist they do so too.

Or, just tell them its time to move on.

[0christmastree5]

My dc don't like how he "lords it" about the house because they have not been raised to be so self serving. We are a team and contribute at meal times etc.
Tonight I'm not preparing a meal and in answer to the question about his washing, I'm embarrassed to admit, I dried and folded it, I asked my dh to put his washing including stinking y fronts in the machine.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

How old are the children? How do they feel? Are they inhibited by him being there - not able to play freely downstairs etc.

Could you at least get your DH to agree to an absolute set in stone deadline and book the friend a flight home as part of his wage/ a thank you for helping at work?

There must be some huge culture clash here if your DH is not an arse and still thinks you should accept this. Is your DH from a culture where hospitality is massively important, way beyond what any northern European would expect?

Put a plaque up on your living room wall that says "Guests are like fish, they start to go off after 3 days"

Get your kids to sing the first line of Jingle Bells over and over and over and over and over and over and over all evening.

Teach your kids to play cheap plastic recorders and blow whistles in the living room. Buy them annoying battery operated musical and noisy toys if they are small.

But seriously the problem seems to be that your DH doesn't respect you enough to put you first. You need to insist very strongly on a deadline by which he will be gone - he is going to have to say he doesn't need the help at work any more by the sounds of it and actually get him on a plane home. Otherwise this situation could easily become your new, permanent normal.