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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be thinking about calling off the wedding over a "wedding watch?"

362 replies

watchwouldyoudo · 13/01/2016 14:01

,e and DH are getting married this summer. we set a budget of £20000 and are so far below that budget. we agreed at the start that anything left over would be used as spending money on our honeymoon.

DH came home the other day looking very proud of himself and said that he got himself a wedding watch. Ive never heard of such a thing, and he said that because were well under our budget that he could afford to buy himself a watch for the big day. he likes his designer watched and has a case with at elast 10 on his dresser (all rolex, omega etc).

the watch he bought cost £4000! His reasoning was that my dress, ring, shoes, hair, makeup and bridesmaids dresses/shoes/gifts cost more than his watch did and were still under budget. wed still leave us with 1000 to take on our honeymoon. I am absolutely fuming that he'd spend so much money just on himself. we had a big row and he went to sleep round his mums place (didnt even take the watch wtih him). im seriously considering calling off the wedding. how can he not see this from my point of viwe?

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 13/01/2016 14:15

Cross posts, but the answer is here:

"he took over their business when they retired, wheereas i am unemployed because he earns enough from the business"

He's selfish. His business, his money. You don't earn, so you can't question his spending.

Don't have children with him. Actually, I'd get a job. You really don't want to be dependant on someone who views you like that.

JohnLuther · 13/01/2016 14:16

I can kind of see his point but it should have been a joint decision.

LagunaBubbles · 13/01/2016 14:16

i am unemployed because he earns enough from the business and hed rather i keep the house tidty while he is away on businness.

Are you saying he doesnt let you work OP?

WilLiAmHerschel · 13/01/2016 14:16

He'd rather you keep the house tidy while he's away on business! Is he marrying your because he wants a free cleaner?

tiggerkid · 13/01/2016 14:16

*His reasoning was that my dress, ring, shoes, hair, makeup and bridesmaids dresses/shoes/gifts cost more than his watch did

I suppose you can't fault his logic ...* - no, I guess, you can't but I assume he knew about all that whereas OP seems to have had no idea about his intention to buy himself a 4K watch! I think that's the issue here. Storming off to sleep at mum's place instead of trying to come to some sort of resolution afterwards seems very childish to me as well. I really do think I would probably start wondering if this was a preview of things to come. Hope he comes to his senses soon and decides to talk it all through and agree some sort of compromise.

Wineandrosesagain · 13/01/2016 14:16

A watch isn't comparable to a wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses! It's pretty much a given that the bride's dress will cost more than the groom's suit (though not always, and your DP may be one who likes a handmade suit or two) and bridesmaids dresses are a standard part of the budget. Now if we're talking wealthy couple who want to give each other a lovely wedding gift, and she buys him a watch, or if the watch was given to him as an engagement present, then fair enough. But that's not it - he simply decided buy himself a present to 'even up the balance' without discussing it. I would be seriously pissed off.

CocktailQueen · 13/01/2016 14:16

He can take the watch back if he's just tried it on!! He's trying to fool you.

I'd be angry too. 4k on a WATCH? for a wedding? Bonkers.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 13/01/2016 14:17

he'd rather i keep the house tidy while he is away on business. we share one joint account.

Get a job and have some financial independence.

Wineandrosesagain · 13/01/2016 14:19

And of course he can take it back. My DB took back a Rolex because he didn't like it. Just opening it and trying it on doesn't make it non-returnable. You could offer to take it back for him.

wannaBe · 13/01/2016 14:19

So, financially you contribute nothing to the household, the money has come from his parents in lieu of his inheritance, you have spent £4K on a couple of dresses you'll only wear once, and you think he's the one in the wrong? Okayyyy.

Fwiw while I think that £4000 for a watch is excessive, I think that you're entirely unreasonable to call off the wedding because he dared to spend money on himself from money which had come from his parents so was therefore his in the first place.

And I also think that 4 grand for a wedding/bridesmaids dresses is bloody extortionate.

Birdie85 · 13/01/2016 14:19

I can see his logic to a degree as wedding budgets always favour the bride but he should have bloody well discussed spending that kind of crazy money with you before. The fact that he didn't discuss it shows that he knew you'd have an issue with him spending four thousand pounds on another damn watch!

Also, get a job. Even if it's part time on minimum wage, get a job, don't rely on him for everything in your life. He's just proven how little he thinks of your 'joint' finances with this ridiculous spend on himself.

Wineandrosesagain · 13/01/2016 14:20

Agree re you need to get a job and some money of your own.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 13/01/2016 14:20

Dunno actually.
Yes, he should have discussed it, and shouldn't have spent the wedding budget without agreement.
BUT it's inheritance money from his parents, that he's being given early. If your wedding was way under budget I don't see a huge issue with him spending some of it on a watch crazy waste of money though it is
Your stuff would have cost a lot I assume, and yes, dresses shoes and hair are usual parts of a wedding but they are expensive.
It would be totally different if this was shared family savings or if the wedding wasn't fully paid for but presumably you will still be able to afford the honeymoon?
I don't think it was an ok thing to do but I think the provenance of the money and the equivalent spending on your dooberries does give a different light to it.

JohnLuther · 13/01/2016 14:21

I posted before I saw that the money is from his parents, in that case I don't think he's in the wrong.

EponasWildDaughter · 13/01/2016 14:21

Yeah, since OP's updates i think this is more about financial independence. Or lack of it.

It's his parents money. I suppose he didn't think he needed to run it by OP. Not a good way to begin a marriage.

Was the whole 20 grand meant to be for the wedding OP?

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 13/01/2016 14:22

I'd rather spend £4k on a watch that DP would wear often than on a dress/flowers/hairdos etc for one day!

TBH I think that if you had a £20k budget then its not unreasonable for him to want to spend some of that on something for HIM to wear on the day and remember it afterwards, especially as the money came from his parents.

It doesn't sound like you're hard up and are going to miss out because of this. I presume you got an engagement ring and will be getting a wedding ring? You will still be getting a honeymoon and I presume that if you run short of money on your holiday he (or his parents) will be able to top up the holiday fund?

I agree that some discussion might have been helpful here, but in the grand scheme of things a £20k budget for one day is ridiculous - at least as ridiculous, if not more so, than a £4k watch.

Original poster
watchwouldyoudo · 13/01/2016 14:22

i probably worded that a bit wrong. he said i dont need to work if i dont want to but hed like me to at least keep on top of things at home (as well as have my own free time during the day).

he tried calling me today but im still raging!!!

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/01/2016 14:23

Fuckaduck, that's a ridiculous sum to spend on a watch when he already has around 10 of the buggers, probably of similar value! Shock

And he's effectively taken that from the honeymoon budget, thus depriving you (and him of course!) of having more good things on your honeymoon - while you get SFA in terms of benefit from his poxy watch.

YANBU, I'd have hit the roof as well.

As other posters are saying though, the set up already sounds well dodgy - why don't you have a job, do you not think you should? Some financial independence might be a jolly good idea if your fiancé is in the habit of dropping thousands on gifts to himself.

ButtonMoon88 · 13/01/2016 14:23

He likes you to stay home and tidy the house?

I don't know whether to laugh at this or be repulsed.

You both need to have a mega talk on how to communicate and respect one another if you want this marriage to work.

OnlyLovers · 13/01/2016 14:23

i am unemployed because he earns enough from the business and hed rather i keep the house tidty while he is away on businness.

Alarm bells here.

The watch issue in isolation, I'm not bothered about; as others have said, it's sort of equivalent to the OP having an engagement ring.

But this attitude, and him not discussing the watch with you in advance, I don't like at all.

CocktailQueen · 13/01/2016 14:23

i am unemployed because he earns enough from the business and hed rather i keep the house tidty while he is away on businness. we share one joint account.

I'd worry about my lack of financial independence. Do you discuss finances with your dh? Have you argued about money before? It can't take you from 9-5 every day to keep the house tidy, can it? Would your dh be happy if you got a job?

Original poster
watchwouldyoudo · 13/01/2016 14:23

he also said he doesn't want a ring as they dont suit him

OP posts:
Eminado · 13/01/2016 14:23

*hter

His reasoning was that my dress, ring, shoes, hair, makeup and bridesmaids dresses/shoes/gifts cost more than his watch did

I suppose you can't fault his logic ...*

Except that I'd like to think he knew his wife was buying these items before she handed over that money?

CocktailQueen · 13/01/2016 14:24

he'd like me to at least keep on top of things at home

So what proportion of the housework and wife work does he do?

expatinscotland · 13/01/2016 14:24

'i am unemployed because he earns enough from the business and hed rather i keep the house tidty while he is away on businness.'

I would run a fucking mile from this man. I mean, there would be rubber marks where I used to be.

He won't take back the watch. Of course not! He's entitled to these watches. Fuck what you think. What's his is his. You have to ask, he doesn't.

I really hope the scales fall from your eyes.