AIBU to be thinking about calling off the wedding over a "wedding watch?"

[watchwouldyoudo]

,e and DH are getting married this summer. we set a budget of £20000 and are so far below that budget. we agreed at the start that anything left over would be used as spending money on our honeymoon.

DH came home the other day looking very proud of himself and said that he got himself a wedding watch. Ive never heard of such a thing, and he said that because were well under our budget that he could afford to buy himself a watch for the big day. he likes his designer watched and has a case with at elast 10 on his dresser (all rolex, omega etc).

the watch he bought cost £4000! His reasoning was that my dress, ring, shoes, hair, makeup and bridesmaids dresses/shoes/gifts cost more than his watch did and were still under budget. wed still leave us with 1000 to take on our honeymoon. I am absolutely fuming that he'd spend so much money just on himself. we had a big row and he went to sleep round his mums place (didnt even take the watch wtih him). im seriously considering calling off the wedding. how can he not see this from my point of viwe?

[JohnLuther]

I'm not getting the hate for the DP but then again I'm not surprised that certain posters seem hellbent on making him out to be an abuser

[FellOutOfBedTwice]

Another one who wouldn't be marrying this man just because it seems he's got some old fashioned and odd ideas.

[CocktailQueen]

Oh. Didn't realise you'd spent £3,700 on a wedding dress. That will be worn once. Wow.

In that case the watch is beginning to look like good value...

[Branleuse]

you spent nearly 4k on a dress and you are complaining hes spent the same on a watch?? For real?

Youre both obscene

[BellaTheGymnast]

The rest of it and the fact you don't work and he wants you to "keep house" - don't marry and certainly don't have dc with him. If you do you will be back on here in a few years wondering how the hell to get out of your marriage.

Ah but then she'll make a fortune from the divorce. That's got to be worth a few years of dusting?

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

I posted the first reply before OP later revealed further facts that the money came from his Parents and the family business.

He should have been upfront and told OP what he was going to do as presumably she told him the cost of the clothes and accessories.

How many watches does one person need btw, is it the male equivalent of collecting handbags?

[WickedWax]

LIf the genders were reversed and her DP was posting we'd be deafened by the screams of 'cocklodger '.

[JennyHk]

Watches are the male jewellery, different occasions call for different style of watches.

Would you say how many necklaces or earrings does a person needs, just buy one set and be done for life.

[Viewofhedges]

OMG we spent £4000 on our entire WEDDING.

I think spending £20k on a wedding is bonkers. I think you should sit down and re-think the need to spend all of this money. Weddings go quickly. Debt doesn't and fights about the wedding budget does not bode well for a long and happy marriage.

Tell him you think you should talk. Do a proper budget and remember that this is about your marriage not about one day. You both need to agree what to spend and what it gets spent on and it shouldn't be tit for tat, it should be reasonable, fair and agreed. I think he's been a bit impulsive and probably a bit daft (!) but you both need to get past having big rows about your wedding, before you go through with it.

[diddl]

Hang on, so everything is paid for, by his parents & you still have a grand to take on (paid for?) honeymoon?

I'm not sure his logic really works but I guess he saw some of his parent's money leftover & deided to treat himself.

I could never spend so much of someone elses money on a wedding dress.

I think that you seem well matched!

[magpie17]

Yikes you spent nearly four grand of his inheritance on a dress for one day??!!! 20% of the whole pot of money??

Now you've said that I kind of think he is right about the watch! He still should have discussed it with you, but I think both of your attitudes to money sound crazy. You don't work so you can 'keep the house tidy'? Are you happy with that?

[GoblinLittleOwl]

Recession, what recession?

[magpie17]

I know goblin! People swanning about in four grand dresses with four grand watches...!

[LurkingHusband]

You need a wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses on a wedding day,

Actually, you need a celebrant/registrar, a witness, the parties to the marriage, and a license.

Everything else is frippery.

was my view too . And big-up to sanityclause for "frippery". I had to quote it so as to enjoy typing it

[OnlyLovers]

I'm not sure that competitive wedding cheapness is really the point.

'I got married in a burlap sack and our guests had to bring their own sandwiches...'

[LagunaBubbles]

icanteven

I agree with you saying I'm not criticising the decision to be a stay at home wife, but to put yourself in that position when you're not even married is foolhardy but the OPs posts were about what DH wanted and DH expected, her DH saying she didnt need to work, whats missing is her own views on this, so its hard to say if shes happy not working or not.

[hareagain]

Tbh if I was at work all day and DH didnt work Id expect some housework done and dare I say, some dinner occasionally.

Do you discuss the stuff that really matters like your relationship, feelings and children?

[PennyHasNoSurname]

With a 20k budget I dont see anything wrong in essence with an expensive watch coming out of that. Presumably your egagement ring, wedding ring, any jewellry you will wear on the day all total a decent sum.

When dh and I married I knew I wanted a basic cheap wedding band as I dont wear jewellry, so whatever we pencilled in for dhs wedding band had my ring budget added to it, mine cost £15. Had he rather have had a watch or had a cheap ring and an expensive watch, no probs.

The issue here imo is that he didnt discuss it with you.

[JennyHk]

Hareagain

You mean you wouldn't be happy with him at home all day dosing and playing playstation.

It's not the 1950's the person at home doesn't need to do housework get a cleaner.

[Oakmaiden]

It sounds like he can afford it... and if they aren't married yet, I don't think it is necessarily "all wrong" that they still have fairly separate finances.

I suspect he is looking at it as "My parent's gave me £20K, I am spending most of it on the wedding, and since there is some left I am buying myself a watch". I suspect his parent's think they gave HIM £20K for his wedding as well.

But it does depend on things like how long you have been together etc.

[icanteven]

I wish we could even have afforded the burlap for the sack at ours. And our sandwiches were actually just lumps of coal. Or they would have been if we could have afforded coal. They were really just stones.

[SanityClause]

Lurking

Some words just need to be used!

[Oakmaiden]

Laguna - bu OP said her husband to be said she didn't NEED to work, not that she wasn't allowed. And since she has chosen to not work, I guess we must assume she is OK with that.

[LagunaBubbles]

Actually, you need a celebrant/registrar, a witness, the parties to the marriage, and a license. Everything else is frippery.

Unless its a naturist wedding then I wouldnt describe the clothes you were to your wedding as not necessary. Its a wedding and most women will wear a dress, (although you can of course wear what you like!) so by the very nature of the occasion it is a wedding dress. Doesnt need to be a nearly £4000 dress mind you obviously!

[LagunaBubbles]

Oak I have learned in life never to make assumptions about peoples feelings, especially on the internet! You may well be right of course but shes not said this.