AIBU to be thinking about calling off the wedding over a "wedding watch?"

[watchwouldyoudo]

,e and DH are getting married this summer. we set a budget of £20000 and are so far below that budget. we agreed at the start that anything left over would be used as spending money on our honeymoon.

DH came home the other day looking very proud of himself and said that he got himself a wedding watch. Ive never heard of such a thing, and he said that because were well under our budget that he could afford to buy himself a watch for the big day. he likes his designer watched and has a case with at elast 10 on his dresser (all rolex, omega etc).

the watch he bought cost £4000! His reasoning was that my dress, ring, shoes, hair, makeup and bridesmaids dresses/shoes/gifts cost more than his watch did and were still under budget. wed still leave us with 1000 to take on our honeymoon. I am absolutely fuming that he'd spend so much money just on himself. we had a big row and he went to sleep round his mums place (didnt even take the watch wtih him). im seriously considering calling off the wedding. how can he not see this from my point of viwe?

[HoneyDragon]

Sorry, I'd head for the hills in that he feels he has to justify it that way. That's weird.

[EponasWildDaughter]

My first DH wouldn't wear a wedding ring. It was nothing to do with faithfulness/unfaithfulness, he just didn't fancy it.

[WilLiAmHerschel]

Well I think if the wife is wearing her chain the husband should wear one too.

[MotherofFlagons]

I'm afraid if I'd spent nearly four grand on a dress I'd wear once, I'd think twice about flipping my lid over my DP buying a watch of the same value.

[NameChange30]

Him not wanting a wedding ring is worrying as well. And he's away on business a lot. It could be that he doesn't want the hassle of taking his wedding ring off when he goes away and wants to pick up women.

[specialsubject]

get married quick, you need the financial protection.

the 20k inheritance is being pissed away on one day. I hope times will always be this good for the both of you.

a posh watch is no more or less reasonable than a huge spend on one-day frocks, slap, hairdos etc etc etc.

[Farandole]

I really can't see what grounds you have for complaining.

£4K for a watch may be excessive to some people, but it is like any other expense - depends on his disposable income.

I would probably not want to marry him, but then again I wouldn't want to be a kept woman.

More alarm bells would ring from his refusal to wear a wedding band though.

[tabulahrasa]

Rings don't suit him? Do rings suit or not suit anyone? They're just rings...

So he'll not be wearing a wedding ring on these business trips he takes where he leaves you to clean the house then?

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Dress, bridesmaid dresses/shoes etc are all normal things that you budget for with a wedding. Not a bloody wedding watch!! Therefore it's an unexpected purchase - you could have reduced the spend on everything else to cover a similar type of purchase, if only he'd bloody said!

I'd take this as an indication of his attitude to money tbh - i.e. splurge when possible.....

[ijustwannadance]

So you are quite happy to spend other people's cash on an overpriced wedding, then moan because he bought a watch.
And how long does it actually take to clean a house with two adults. Seriously?

Absolutely no point in pretending you qould ever call off wedding op. Not with having it so cushy.

[thelouise]

YABU given that you have spent a similar amount on a dress that you will wear once.

However, it sounds like there are issues in your relationship tied up with finances, so perhaps it is a good idea to re-evaluate and see if this is really who you want to marry.

[icanteven]

Okay, now that I've read the thread:

HOLY SHIT. You spent nearly 4k of HIS parents' contribution to your wedding - HIS INHERITANCE - on a dress and you're freaking out because he bought something for himself, that he will wear forever and that will actually retain its value?

Yes. Call the wedding off so that he can marry somebody with a bit more financial sense, and possibly somebody who can actually contribute to the household (and wedding costs) rather than remain cheerfully unemployed in return for a bit of light dusting in between griping about how he spends his parents' gift on Mumsnet.

He has every right to buy the watch, and I hope he's having a bit of a think today.

(Him not wanting to wear a wedding ring is unusual nowadays, but it's his taste and his money to spend on one, or not - leaping to conclusions about his future fidelity is unfair and not the point here at all.)

[MrsHathaway]

he also said he doesn't want a ring as they dont suit him

And he'd look married when he's away without OP.

As a general rule, it's unwise to enter into an unequal relationship without serious discussion. Yours is unequal in several areas including earnings and earning potential, attitudes to money, attitudes to housework, etc. Those are pretty big things and I'd urge you to make sure you're happy with your joint position before you get married and certainly before you have any children.

It's fine not to work because there's enough money. That doesn't excuse him from any responsibilities around the house. You could choose together to have a cleaner and a handyman. You might decide to keep your hand in by volunteering. You might become very busy training for a marathon. Any of these would be completely reasonable, particularly for someone who is alone a lot (you say he is away with work and I'm assuming that's not once in a blue moon).

If you think he would be weird about your doing any of those things, beware. The future is potentially very long.

Forget the amounts. They had a cash budget for the wedding and honeymoon, and were coming in an admirable 25% under the top figure. I'm willing to bet OP was doing most of the costing too. DP spunks 80% of the spare money, 20% of the total budget, on a watch only he can use, not for example a telly they'll watch together or a bigger bed.

That says to me he considers the money his money, not their money. That's a red flag and needs to be thoroughly discussed.

Can you start a conversation with "I'm so upset about this it makes me want to cancel the wedding. Please let's work it out"?

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

Lurking yes if you're wanting a wedding dress and Bridesmaids dresses then yes you need the appropriate clothes.

[LagunaBubbles]

Tinkly there's more to life than money in the sense it that we all need a basic amount to survive but all the money in the world doesn't make up for a bad relationship and unhappiness. The warning signs are there from the OPs posts.

[araiba]

you could have bought a white dress in primark and you would have £3800 for the honeymoon.same for bridesmaids. jewelry from argos etc

would be a great holiday

[expatinscotland]

'You spent nearly 4k of HIS parents' contribution to your wedding - HIS INHERITANCE - on a dress and you're freaking out because he bought something for himself, that he will wear forever and that will actually retain its value?'

I'm sure HE approved of this.

You both sound like you're foolish with money.

[unimaginativename13]

You must be having quiet a small or low key wedding if £8k out of £20k is spent on two items and you still have £1k!!!!

Your proportion of dress to wedding ratio is huge!

You suggest calling off the wedding? What would you do then? No job no money....

[MitzyLeFrouf]

I know lots of men who don't wear a wedding ring so it wouldn't ring any alarm bells with me. I'm sure most men and women who cheat on their spouse wear a wedding ring.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I'd imagine the op's horror is based on both the cost of the item and also the fact that there was no discussion before the purchase occurred. He'd know she was getting a dress. She would not have guessed beforehand that he needed a wedding watch.

[Celticlassie]

I don't think you have any grounds for complaint. He works and you don't, so presumably he pays all the household bills, plus the money was a gift from his parents, so what gave you brought to the table? Fair enough a decision over a £4000 purchase should be discussed jointly but I'm not sure you'd do too well in an argument. Get a job, contribute to the household (share the housework!) and then you'll be far better placed to object

[WilLiAmHerschel]

Icanteven I partly agree with you but a lot of it depends IMO. Did she discuss the price of the dress with him or not? If not than that makes the watch seem not so bad I suppose. Calling it his money I disagree with. If my mum gave me a huge amount I'd see it as mine and dp's, not just mine (and vice versa). The thing about him wanting her to stay home and clean and not wanting to wear a ring don't sound good to me. But nor does op's apparent happiness to not get a job.

[LagunaBubbles]

Call the wedding off so that he can marry somebody with a bit more financial sense, and possibly somebody who can actually contribute to the household (and wedding costs) rather than remain cheerfully unemployed in return for a bit of light dusting in between griping about how he spends his parents' gift on Mumsnet

Its funny how different people can read different things and this highlights the exact opposite from my thinking. For example I dont recall the OP saying she is "happy to be unemployed" rather that her DH to be wanted her not work and do the housework, which is a bit more than light dusting to me.

[MrsNippyCat]

I was on his side in terms of the money spent on a dress, etc etc to be used for one day, against the watch that will be of use for longer - and I agree with teatowel about it increasing in value and sort of being part of his inheritance.

However.

hed rather i keep the house tidty while he is away on businness

and

he said i dont need to work if i dont want to but hed like me to at least keep on top of things at home (as well as have my own free time during the day)

In light of this, I wouldn't give two hoots what he spent on watches or anything else - I'd be long gone.

[AnnPerkins]

My DH doesn't have a wedding ring. He tried one on when we went to buy mine and we both agreed it looked odd.

My dad doesn't have a wedding ring, DH's dad doesn't either. None of them wears any jewellery at all.

I see nothing sinister in that.