AIBU to be thinking about calling off the wedding over a "wedding watch?"

[watchwouldyoudo]

,e and DH are getting married this summer. we set a budget of £20000 and are so far below that budget. we agreed at the start that anything left over would be used as spending money on our honeymoon.

DH came home the other day looking very proud of himself and said that he got himself a wedding watch. Ive never heard of such a thing, and he said that because were well under our budget that he could afford to buy himself a watch for the big day. he likes his designer watched and has a case with at elast 10 on his dresser (all rolex, omega etc).

the watch he bought cost £4000! His reasoning was that my dress, ring, shoes, hair, makeup and bridesmaids dresses/shoes/gifts cost more than his watch did and were still under budget. wed still leave us with 1000 to take on our honeymoon. I am absolutely fuming that he'd spend so much money just on himself. we had a big row and he went to sleep round his mums place (didnt even take the watch wtih him). im seriously considering calling off the wedding. how can he not see this from my point of viwe?

without the stealth!

Ooh, link to Kensington wifie please, Sir?

Leelu6 - read it and weep with laughter

www.mumsnet.com/TalkTalk/primary/2543627-Hiring-a-nanny-just-for-school-runs-morning-afternoon

I want to be a labial layabout

OP sounds like a Beaver Diva to me

Umm he Said he would rather you stayed at home and kept those clean while he works abroad?
Sorry op you've bigger problems than a 4K watch.

Just in case...

OP, if you and your fiance cannot organise a legal/religious (delete as applicable) ceremony and a party without getting into a fight so big that your fiance sulks off to his mother's, then you are not mature enough to get married.

Postpone the wedding for five years and see how you feel then. (And get a job in the meantime. Some jobs can be quite fulfilling, honest)

His reasoning was that my dress, ring, shoes, hair, makeup and bridesmaids dresses/shoes/gifts cost more than his watch did

Then why shouldnt he? its only fair really xxx

His buying a watch "in exchange" for your wedding dress is a ridiculous excuse. Presumably you both wanted/agreed on a traditional dress up wedding. In which case the dress is for him as well as for you - it's part of the occasion. Buying a nice new watch to keep is completely irrelevant to the wedding. Imagine you getting married in an ordinary dress, as against him getting married wearing one of his "old" watches.

Bottom line is it's his money. If you have dc together and you'd forgone earnings to look after your dc it would be a different matter. I think you should talk about who's money it will be when you have dc because you will want more control over it then.

I don't think this way of thinking bodes well for the future. Sounds like a very indulged and spoilt child.

Delurking to state I am weeping at some of the female cocklodger suggestions!

OP if you are happy to be the little woman at home then rattle on- not for me and I'd be worried further down the line about my financial independence...

the fact that this money was a gift from his parents changes things. As it's from his folks and not yours, I think you should acknowledge this by admiring his posh watch. If he's run back to his parents and is saying you are throwing a strop about how to allocate their money then you will run into trouble that you don't want or need. Parents will always side with their child. If you want a nice wedding day then let it go. Your dress will be prettier than his watch. 20k is much more than most people have anyway.
For your future, if you don't want to feel resentful about how he spends 'your' money, then please consider getting a job. That sounds bitchy, but financial independence is not to be sniffed at. You say 'he'd rather I keep the house tidy when he's on business' and I suggest that you fear living in a gilded cage, however well polished, and the watch is a symbol of your lack of power.

I think 4 grand for a watch is nuts but not as nuts as paying 20 grand for a wedding.

Sounds like a very indulged and spoilt child.

Which one

Presumably you both wanted/agreed on a traditional dress up wedding. In which case the dress is for him as well as for you - it's part of the occasion.

Not unless she consulted him on her choice too. The dress is for her.

Has he told you that you'd need a maid if you chose to work? Because if so, that combined with "i am unemployed because he earns enough from the business and hed rather i keep the house tidty while he is away on businness" means you should run the fuck away.

Regardless of how much you have budgeted as a specific number, he spent nearly a quarter of that number on a single item, without discussing it with you in advance. That's crappy behaviour.

I find it worrying that you are both so determined to spend the whole £20k on your wedding, and on material stuff. That's money that could have kept you comfortable in your old age, helped send any children you have to college etc.

The details of a wedding don't matter one bit. I cheerfully got married at the local pub in a £200 dress, best wedding ever IMO. I do wonder if you are both throwing money at the wedding to make it fabulous as your relationship itself isn't that fabulous?

If both people getting married want a traditional, dress up wedding, then the woman needs a traditional wedding dress. This wedding is clearly meant to be showy, and that involves an expensive wedding dress, bridesmaids, etc. It doesn't necessarily involve buying a 10th very expensive watch. Why not offer not to wear a wedding dress or have your hair done or have any bridesmaids if he gives up the watch, and see how he likes that idea.

The dress, hair and shoes etc are for you, and didn't need to be hugely expensive.
I don't think he's BU, though I would have expected him to factor it into the wedding budget.

Regardless of how much you have budgeted as a specific number, he spent nearly a quarter of that number on a single item,

He hasn't blown the budget. The wedding is coming in at much under the budget.

The only plans op had for this money was to spend it on honeymoon

I don't think I can give an opinion until I know if OP is London or Non-London based... Gutted missed out on t'other thread!

On a cost per wear basis, he's definitely made the more sensible use of 4 grand. It's also not your money.

On the other hand, there should have been a discussion first. However, you're not married. It isn't your money. Why shouldn't he get 'fair shares' of his own parents' money?

I think you really shouldn't be getting married.

Vagina recliner

whatever you circumstances and choices regarding lifestyle, bitter experience has taught me that financial transparency is vital in any relationship. Discussion about important decision such as mortgage arrangements, investments, how money should be spent etc, all need to happen. And keep happening every time there is any change to those arrangements being considered.

I had an arranged marriage, didn't work, husband self employed. He took total responsibility for the finances, wouldn't include me or let me see paperwork, hid things from me. Next up he is being hauled up before his professional body, struck off, turns out he wasn't running his business ethically or properly and it was badly in debt and that he had stolen from my parents and taken out loans in our joint names to try pay the mortgage, and other loans out. Next step I'm homeless, furious that he has kept everything from me and at his sheer dishonesty and we are divorced. If I end up in another relationship, any refusal to discuss financial matters will be a total deal breaker.

If you stay with this guy, you need to be very clear that the finances are a joint issue and that no one gets to make purchases over X number of pounds without consulting the other first etc.