Thumb sucking at 30?

[TwostepsA1]

Hello all, feeling mean and confused...but really want to know AIBU?

Girlfriend of 16 months (whom I love and want to have children with) still sucks here thumb, a lot. The first thing she does most evening on returning home from work is go up stairs get blanket (yep there is also a blanket.) comes back down stairs and sucks thumb...this will go on all evening...then in bed, then on going to sleep to the sound of sucking thumb I will awake in the morning to if being the first thing I see..lovely girlfriend, then thumb and blanket (the blanket smell awful as well, like horrible) It's starting to drive me crazy...to the point where I block the view so I can't see it going on or leave the room or distract myself with reading or whatever...I feel it kills conversation, it's a huge barrier between us and it kills my libidoI dead. I just can't seem to get away from it...even in the car...Now the part were I feel like a mean one comes to my knowing there are anxiety issues and this is a comfort thing that makes her feel better...

But it is driving me to the edge, I have talked about it very directly and at times harshly of late as nothing changes..promises have been made in the past, like I'll stop, or have tried to compromise like limiting it to bed time (sleeping)! She knows I hate it....and becoming a big issue...

Maybe the OP doesn't know what he's getting into then. So I would say to him find out whats going on before committing to something. Not everyone wants to be with someone with issues.

Just the same as picking your nose and eating it boogers

I do that as well

Thumb sucking issues apart, if you are feeling like this early on in a relationship when it is all still new and exciting and fun, in years to come it will have probably grown into an enormous irritation to you.

I wouldn't bother. Rosewithoutthorns has made it very clear that thorns aren't the only thing lacking judging by her tendency to post on topics she knows sweet fa about.

I was on a course with work and there was a young woman there who sucked her thumb whenever someone else was speaking. While she sucked, she touched the fingers of the same hand to the end of her nose, in turn, in a very definite way.
I was torn between admiring her for not giving a fuck, and thinking how odd it looked tbh.

well furry blanket, I said that sucking your thumb or sucking a blanket is actually a child like thing to do. I also said that this your or their issue and maybe trying to solve it rather than keep on doing it expecting others to fall into place with it may be a good idea.

If however the other person isn't bothered by it then thats fine.

The post wasn't under a "topic"

Wtf? Ew. I wouldn't stay around after seeing it first time.

A far relative of mine stopped her 10-year thumb-sucking habit after being secretly filmed and shown the footage by a friend. She was mortified and realised how utterly ridiculous it looked.

Have the thumb-suckers in this thread ever seen themselves doing it?

Personally I would find it as off-putting as an adult using diapers by choice.

Do you suck cocks in front of your mother as well flowers? I can't see the comparison.

So many people missing the point here, I think. What the OP has described is not just thumbsucking during sleep or during times of extreme stress - he's talking about thumbsucking pretty much all the time they're together - all evening, in bed, in the car... He's talking about a behaviour so obsessive and all-consuming that it is coming between them. It almost doesn't matter what the behaviour is (thumb sucking, playing video games, knitting): if it occupies all the dp's time and attention, if it is the constant priority, that is going to be a real challenge to the relationship.

Everyone has some habits that some might find off putting or annoying. Those who are reacting to thumb sucking in such a vigorous way, please realise that your visceral feelings of disgust are not particularly rational and happen to be products of the culture you were raised in. That said, everyone has the right to their deal breakers in a relationship. My husband cracks his knuckles and fiddles with things in a way others apparently find irritating - I couldn't care less and find it endearing. In return he 'puts up with' my chewing pens & taking a cuddly toy to bed and has never told me I'm infantile or tried to take it away without my knowledge to 'fix' me. We are probably both on the aspie spectrum. TBA I don't see much difference between our habits and more 'grown up' acceptable ones like smoking, chewing gum, playing with hair, playing with phones etc. These things all only become a problem if you're overly dependent on them and they get in the way of living a happy life. If your GF is thumb sucking as a compulsion OP, through anxiety and cannot make herself stop even when she wants to, that's the problem - not the particular habit itself.

So everyone saying 'ew, thumb sucking is disgusting, just make her understand how naaaasty it is and how disgusted by her you feel and it will stop if she cares about you' is completely missing the point.

I have a great immune system. Rarely get stomach bugs, I have guts of steel ;) It is not harming my health.

So no, I'm not getting all these illnesses from sucking my thumb. As to what I get from it? It just comforts me. I do not do it like the woman in the OP does though.

And yes, I have seen myself suck my thumb.

My mum tried to get me to stop as a child, she was fighting a losing battle. Short of cutting it off it wasn't going to happen.

I'm not proud of it, but I'm not ashamed of it either. It has never been an issue for my husband. Although I'm not so sure he would like it if I had a smelly blanket as well and did it to the extent the OP's girlfriend does.

I'm sorry but if my partner came home every day and went and got a blanky and then sat all night sucking his thumb, he would be gone.
That is the most unsexy thing ever - Yeuk.
And I say this as someone who sucked her thumb until the age of 23.
I was at a bus stop and a car drove past with a woman in the front seat just sucking her thumb. It looked feckin' awful. That was it for me.
I stopped right there and then.
But I only sucked it to get to sleep at night anyway.
Just tried now and it's horrible.
I don't blame you OP but I hope you get somewhere with her on this.

This is a women who does it, everywhere she goes.

www.tlc.com/tv-shows/my-strange-addiction/videos/thumb-sucking/

But at least if you know the person does it from quite early on in a friendship/relationship you can decide if you want to continue that relationship with relatively little emotional consequence. 18 months is not a long time to be with someone and if they're 'the one' then understandably you'll try and 'fix' them but also you'd try and live with it. Like many posters have said, they'd give up their partner before they gave up the thumb. I absent-mindedly twirl my hair and bite my thumbnail (I don't bite it ad such, I put my tongue between the flesh and nail - it feels nice!), others have habits I find gross. Each to their own!

Yuck

I'm sure my husband would be thrilled if I offered to suck his thumb.

So lazurm - why exactly DID you feel the need to bump this ZOMBIE thread?

I've done this myself, as in sharing thumbs.

Sorry if I've missed this already being said but, OP, can you stop discussing the symptom and start seeing whether your GF wants to address her anxiety (leaving the safety behaviour; the thumb sucking well alone for now)? It sounds like there may be a number of facets to her anxiety (social anxiety, possible OCD). These problems can be fairly easily treated if SHE wants to tackle her difficulties. If she can learn some strategies for managing her anxiety she may not need to fall back on the behaviour of thumb sucking. If she wants to she could ask her GP to refer her to IAPT for CBT or for a private referral she could look at www.cbtregisteruk.com which is the definitive list of qualified and accredited CBT/REBT therapists. In private practice I sometimes use hypnotherapy for habit breaking but I wouldn't do this until after any anxiety is managed with CBT. The advantage of looking at talking therapies is that a decent therapist will work out what is going on (anxiety or depression, some other MH issue or condition) rather than being prescribed some possibly irrelevant AD. It's her choice of course but you could read up on anxiety so you understand what might be going on, have a look at this book www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Anxiety-Books-Prescription-Title/dp/1849018782.

Let's not risk indulging someone's fetish here.

Anxiety is a hard condition to deal with, but she obviously managed to keep it under control whilst you were getting to know her. Has something happened in that time to make her anxiety worse, or has it simply been a matter of her relaxing more with you, and so is showing you how she is?

It's hard, because on one side, no one should have to change for someone else. But equally, relationships are give and take. And if you have a habit that really impacts your partner, you have to find a way forward for you both, with consideration for their wellbeing as well as your own.

In short though OP if you are not happy with the habit, or the relationship dynamic, you do not have to stay with her. It sounds as though you have been very considerate towards her anxiety but if you can't move past it, and she's not willing to alter it, then you seem to be an an impasse.