Thumb sucking at 30?

[TwostepsA1]

Hello all, feeling mean and confused...but really want to know AIBU?

Girlfriend of 16 months (whom I love and want to have children with) still sucks here thumb, a lot. The first thing she does most evening on returning home from work is go up stairs get blanket (yep there is also a blanket.) comes back down stairs and sucks thumb...this will go on all evening...then in bed, then on going to sleep to the sound of sucking thumb I will awake in the morning to if being the first thing I see..lovely girlfriend, then thumb and blanket (the blanket smell awful as well, like horrible) It's starting to drive me crazy...to the point where I block the view so I can't see it going on or leave the room or distract myself with reading or whatever...I feel it kills conversation, it's a huge barrier between us and it kills my libidoI dead. I just can't seem to get away from it...even in the car...Now the part were I feel like a mean one comes to my knowing there are anxiety issues and this is a comfort thing that makes her feel better...

But it is driving me to the edge, I have talked about it very directly and at times harshly of late as nothing changes..promises have been made in the past, like I'll stop, or have tried to compromise like limiting it to bed time (sleeping)! She knows I hate it....and becoming a big issue...

[Pooseyfrumpture]

I had a boyfriend that used to suck his thumb during sex

God it was awful and yes I did have to dump him.

[stairbears]

If you can't enjoy living this way then you have to tell her, again, in as neutral a way as possible, how you see it affecting the relationship.

If she wants to give it up (and isn't just placating you) then paying for two or three hypnotherapy sessions should solve it quite easily.

[TheCrimsonPleb]

rein not reign!

[UmbongoUnchained]

No it's pathetic.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

Then that's your choice, but if this is the only thing that bothers you, I think you'll come to regret it, especially as you say she has anxieties which can get better with treatment. Would she consider therapy at all? Anxiety is awful to live with and she deserves to get some help dealing with it.

[Azaeli]

I think she needs to change. Is she getting help with the anxiety problems? Lots of people have comforting habits (like smoking or nail-biting) that doesn't make it ok.

I think you need to be frank with her. Tell her you love her but find her habit repulsive and it's affecting how you feel about a future together. Offer to help her break it. She could wean off slowly eg only sucking thumb in bath or when she's alone.

And she needs to wash the blanket urgh! Maybe it could disappear one day?

[OliviaDunham]

I was a thumb sucker until the dentist installed braces as it made my teeth pull forward. It's the hardest habit ever to give up - harder than smoking! It is comforting and you can't just get rid of your thumbs to remove the temptation, you have to decide if it's a deal breaker or not.

[GraysAnalogy]

This would annoy me to OP. It makes me cringe but I know it's nothing to do with me what people do. Sometimes though no matter how much you love someone if something annoys you it can create irrational feelings of ate. One of my exes used to do something seemingly innocent and I could feel rage building and have to leave the room.

You could speak to her about it, but I wouldn't be surprised if she can't or wont stop.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

Out of interests, how many of the self confessed thumb suckers have allergies/asthma? How many rarely get stomach bugs? I have a theory that we expose ourself to so many germs through our habit, we end up with tough old dispositions!

No allergies, no asthma, not been sick in years.

[TwostepsA1]

I have never said I find her incompetent or questioned her being adequate...! I've been reading up on mebication for the on going and somewhat advanced anxiety...medication can work for some people and would maybe assist with feeling better...please don't misunderstand my want for her to feel good as a way of getting rid of the thumb! I care very much.

[PizzaConnoisseur]

It sounds disgusting, I can't believe so many mature adults on here even admit to doing this.

[OliviaDunham]

Why's it disgusting to suck your own thumb? I'm sore most of us have had much worse in our mouths!!!

[HermioneJeanGranger]

Would she consider therapy, OP? It's a lot more beneficial in the long-run than medication.

[VagueIdeas]

Maybe you could get her to switch to a dummy, and then when she's ready, give it to the dummy fairy.



Sorry, no advice. I'm also a bit weirded out that so many adults do it.

[Nabootique]

I've known a few adults that do it and I find it a bit odd, but whatever gets you through the day. The stinky blanket however, just no. At least wash it. Ugh.

[Modestandatinybitsexy]

Thumb sucker here. And I really didn't know I was in such good company.

Anxiety is a massive draw. I gave up when I had braces - at about 15 - and I didn't start again until I was having major problems at work.

It's super addictive and what's worse is that it's always there and even when I've tried to give up/cut back it sneaks in without me noticing. It's something I'm always meaning to give up but can't quite bring myself to. I don't like the thought of setting an example to my kids though so it's something I'll keep trying to give up.

Maybe you could explain to her that you're having a hard time with it and come to a compromise by ditching the blanket? Or at least washing it?

hesterton I do have asthma and some allergies but all inherited. I very rarely get sick though.

[G1veMeStrength]

Bloody hell I'm so surprised at this. DD sucks her thumb and I keep blithely thinking she will grow out of it, after all no one sucks their thumb as an adult. Hmm.

Bollocks. I am going to have to do something to stop her. The dentist moans about it. And she has had no trauma in her life so far, well nothing major. FWIW she gets sick more often than non sucker DS.

PMSL at the dummy fairy though!

[Writerwannabe83]

When I was young I had a comfort blanket. I'm 32 now and I cannot sleep unless I'm sniffing something My husband isn't bothered at all thankfully.

[Doyouthinktheysaurus]

I am a 41 year old thumb sucker, I wouldn't be able to stop and TBH if my then dp had asked me to stop, I probably would have run for the hills. Especially if he was angry about it.

I do think if it's something you can't live with, you will have to move on. It's a fairly entrenched habit in some people. Your girlfriend has made it fairly clear she isn't prepared to make much effort to change her behaviour.

[Savagebeauty]

I couldn't be with someone who did this.

[CrohnicallyAspie]

Another thumb sucker here, though I rarely do it these days. And never in public, only in front of DH and a select few family members.

I have a few more socially acceptable habits that replace my thumb in public- chewable jewellery and vaping- that I turn to when I feel the urge.

[StarlingMurmuration]

Don't your teeth hurt the base of your thumb? I just popped my thumb in my mouth to try it, but if I suck, my teeth sort of bite into the bottom of my thumb. And my thumb nail digs into my tongue - my mouth and thumb don't fit!

[LittleLionMansMummy]

I'm another thumb suckered at 37. It's a very rare occasion - when I'm ridiculously tired or feeling particularly lonely or down. Maybe once a month. Dh accepts it and always has. I think he'd feel different if I did it with the regularity described by the op though...

[Nabootique]

chewable jewellery

I'm intrigued. I keep thinking of those candy necklaces, but I'm guessing that's not what you mean, Aspie?