Thumb sucking at 30?

[TwostepsA1]

Hello all, feeling mean and confused...but really want to know AIBU?

Girlfriend of 16 months (whom I love and want to have children with) still sucks here thumb, a lot. The first thing she does most evening on returning home from work is go up stairs get blanket (yep there is also a blanket.) comes back down stairs and sucks thumb...this will go on all evening...then in bed, then on going to sleep to the sound of sucking thumb I will awake in the morning to if being the first thing I see..lovely girlfriend, then thumb and blanket (the blanket smell awful as well, like horrible) It's starting to drive me crazy...to the point where I block the view so I can't see it going on or leave the room or distract myself with reading or whatever...I feel it kills conversation, it's a huge barrier between us and it kills my libidoI dead. I just can't seem to get away from it...even in the car...Now the part were I feel like a mean one comes to my knowing there are anxiety issues and this is a comfort thing that makes her feel better...

But it is driving me to the edge, I have talked about it very directly and at times harshly of late as nothing changes..promises have been made in the past, like I'll stop, or have tried to compromise like limiting it to bed time (sleeping)! She knows I hate it....and becoming a big issue...

[tiggerkid]

I don't think it's something that can be resolved in one conversation, but over time, with much thought from both parties. -- totally agree but if I am honest judging by GF's response, it doesn't look to me like she is willing to put as much effort and thought into it as OP is trying to do. He has spoken to her. He's even come here to try and understand if he is being unreasonable and get some perspective. He is willing to go and try further discussions and, for his sake, I hope it all goes well because he seems to care. GF asking him not to tell her what to do, on the other hand, just seems like the attitude of someone, who isn't willing to put consistent and ongoing effort to rectify the situation for the sake of their relationship because as was mentioned here before it doesn't seem to inconvenience her. So the "both parties" bit falls apart at this stage.

[furryblanket]

That's fine Mama, I also didn't mean he should just go home today and declare 'IT'S OVER, FLUFFY SAYS SO' , if they've only spoken about it once then he should talk to her about it again obviously. I don't think I was hugely clear either

[GraysAnalogy]

Would you agree OP's situation is different juney, in regards to her doing it constantly be it in the car, when they get home and when they get to bed?

Had your partner asked, would you have been willing to try to limit it to perhaps nighttime?

Sorry I'm just interested in your thoughts.

[Dorslife2015]

I did it for a long, long time until I realised it was a substitute for a nipple and that really put me off.

[BarbarianMum]

I would be looking for a new relationship.

[sellisx]

I suck my thumb too. I have an old silk dressing gown as my 'blanket' my other half has never had a problem with it and I would think he would be bat shit crazy to dump me over thumb sucking

[GraysAnalogy]

Do you do it constantly like OP's partner does?

Personally it's not something I could cope with. It just makes me cringe really badly, but that's my problem and I'd have to end a good relationship because of it.

[AdrianlovesPandora]

It's not really for people who suck their thumbs to get offended here it's down to personal choice like foo foo said. For example if the OP said smoking was the reason and something previously unaware of before they fell in love then it's about what's gross to the OP. Other people saying well I suck my thumb isn't helping really. Maybe some counselling ? Or some help her replace the thumb habit with a healthier habit? Presuming what she said about giving it up is what she really wants to do ? If she doesn't want to give it up I guess it's a case of can I live with this ? Good luck and the person who said boyfriend did it During sex - how utterly disturbing !

[tiggerkid]

** - very fair and valid comment!

[WhatALoadOfOldBollocks]

OP if she has the blanket and sucks her thumb as a way of coping with anxiety has she ever tried to get professional help for it?

[GraysAnalogy]

Smoking isn't based off nipples

[MoMoTy]

Huge put off and not to mention her thumb must stink. If it bothers you this much and it's her habit then not much you can do but leave her. Imagine her child and her giving it a go at the same time

[Whoatemyunicorn]

Smoking is more phallic!

She sounds like she has a compulsion. People can and do get rid of bad habits. Ex smoker here!

She sounds like she needs CBT or hypnotherapy

[AdrianlovesPandora]

My ex ate with his mouth open and noisily and occasionally even snorted as he ate. Now I know that didn't happen on our first date because there would not have been a second but slowly slowly his real manners crept in and got worse and worse over 3 years and I could not live with it any more. I would say nasty things to him because it was disgusting for me to look at and hear. It was in the end something I began to dread him coming home eating dinner and found it embarrassing going out. It was a huge factor in me ending the relationship.

[Shemozzle]

I'm 30 this year and suck my thumb. Does it surprise you how many adult thumb suckers there are? It's really not that uncommon. What you describe though, it does seem OTT.

I remember when my parents used to snap at me constantly to get my thumb out my mouth it had me on edge. Is do it subconsciously and shouting at me and shaming me for it just made me worse. I did eventually decide to quit aged 11 myself after the dentist said I wouldn't be allowed braces unless I stopped. But then a year later a traumatic situation had me doing it again and I've never stopped. If my significant other hated it and expressed disgust I'd probably feel like shot, try and cut it down, fail, give up and think fuck it, I'll do it if I want to and not hold back at all. If I saw shifting glances and huffing I'd feel defensive and possibly do it more. I can see how your situation may have evolved.

I think you need to talk with her again. Tell her you really don't have a problem with adult thumb sucking (even when this is not entirely true) that you've learnt it's not that uncommon at all and she shouldn't be ridiculed for it. Society needs to be more open minded. But what you do have an issue with is the amount she does it, that you wish she could turn to you for comfort instead sometimes. That you have some reservations about how addictive it is not the habit itself. Id also talk to her about her anxiety without mentioning the thumb sucking.

Do things together that will help reduce it the anxiety. Exercising, spas or counciling. It needs to be clear to her that you want to reduce her anxiety for her benefit not just to get her to stop sucking her thumb. Nagging or expressing dislike is not going to work here. If these tactics don't work to reduce it then it's then time to move on.

Out of interests, how many of the self confessed thumb suckers have allergies/asthma? How many rarely get stomach bugs? I have a theory that we expose ourself to so many germs through our habit, we end up with tough old dispositions!

Never seem to get stomach bugs, or if I do, very mild. No allergies or asthma.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I am amazed at how many adults do this. In bad habit/emotional support terms I suppose it's similar to smoking or hair twiddling, but for some reason it's far more off-putting (and I am rabidly anti-smoking).

The smell of dried-on spit on your thumb

[3littlebadgers]

Could you maybe put up with the thumb sucking if the blanket got washed on a regular basis? As far as addictions go it is quite an innocent one, and if it is helping her with anxiety then why not. If you care deeply for her, couldn't you learn to accept it for part of who she is?

[Zola1980]

Why would any mine be 'proud' to suck their thumb. Some very odd comments on here. It's weird and childish, not to mention unhygienic.

[Zola1980]

Any one sorry

[Shemozzle]

This is a good perspective zola thoughtcatalog.com/melanie-berliet/2015/05/im-33-and-i-still-suck-my-thumb-ask-me-anything/

[rosewithoutthorns]

To be perfectly honest I couldn't be with someone who did this.

[MenopausalMaud]

How does she cope at work op?
I imagine she must curb this habit to some extent and I could understand if you thought if she can stop herself at work, them why not at home?

I also think that this must impact their life together as a couple (outside of the bedroom) - do you go out in the evenings? Do you have friends round?
If your social life is also being affected I agree that she needs to get professional help to look at the cause of her anxieties.

[Zola1980]

I don't think it's a 'good' perspective shemozzle. There is no valid argument for it and frankly it looks ridiculous in an adult! It IS infantile behaviour and like others on this thread, i couldn't take my husband or friend seriously if they were a thumb sucker! Complete turn off.

[banff82]

I genuinely can't understand how anyone could be 'proud' to still suck their thumb as a grown adult either. It's unhygienic - slobbery thumb touching door handles, light switches, remote controls - infantilising and a total passion killer. OP you're a lot more tolerant than I am, I'd've been out of there long ago, but I'm not surprised when you say that it kills your libido stone dead. Despite what that article says, no grown adult looks 'cute' with their thumb stuck in their mouth.

Also fwiw, my thumb sucking friend is constantly off work with viruses etc.