Thumb sucking at 30?

[TwostepsA1]

Hello all, feeling mean and confused...but really want to know AIBU?

Girlfriend of 16 months (whom I love and want to have children with) still sucks here thumb, a lot. The first thing she does most evening on returning home from work is go up stairs get blanket (yep there is also a blanket.) comes back down stairs and sucks thumb...this will go on all evening...then in bed, then on going to sleep to the sound of sucking thumb I will awake in the morning to if being the first thing I see..lovely girlfriend, then thumb and blanket (the blanket smell awful as well, like horrible) It's starting to drive me crazy...to the point where I block the view so I can't see it going on or leave the room or distract myself with reading or whatever...I feel it kills conversation, it's a huge barrier between us and it kills my libidoI dead. I just can't seem to get away from it...even in the car...Now the part were I feel like a mean one comes to my knowing there are anxiety issues and this is a comfort thing that makes her feel better...

But it is driving me to the edge, I have talked about it very directly and at times harshly of late as nothing changes..promises have been made in the past, like I'll stop, or have tried to compromise like limiting it to bed time (sleeping)! She knows I hate it....and becoming a big issue...

I think if you grow up doing it, your mouth adapts and it doesn't feel uncomfortable anymore.

I don't suck my thumb but I think it's akin to my habit of twiddling my hair, which is also a comfort thing. People laugh at me for doing it, my parents nagged me for years to stop but honestly I didn't want to stop doing it. Even if I did want to stop I couldn't because I do it unconsciously. The only thing that has stopped it in its tracks for me has been having my hair cut short. I've not done that to stop me twiddling by the way, just because I fancied short hair. I miss twiddling now .

Yes medication for anxiety may be the way forward.

I was on anxiety meds when I was younger (also had NLP and CBT) helped a lot.

I find thumb sucking in children a bit yuck; in adults it's gross - the sight and particularly the sound of it would drive me insane (sorry thumb suckers). It's in the same ballpark as nail-biters.

I couldn't live with someone who did it all the time. Maybe tolerable if it's just occasional though. As a PP suggested, might she be willing to try hypnosis to break the habit? If she's unwilling to try to break the habit then I think you would struggle to maintain the relationship, sadly.

I wonder how people would feel if this were about a male who openly picked his nose.

Gross childhood habits are gross childhood habits. If you can't tolerate it, it's understandable. It's like smelly feet or loud snoring or mouth breathing.

My DH's (former) roommate sucked her thumb. I don't get how someone can do that without feeling self-consciously infantilised. It's like if I started twirling my hair or skipping while talking to someone. If it's an every evening routine, that would seriously grate on me.

And YANBU for the smelly blanket alone. It would turn me off.

Well it's no more gross than nail biting or picking your nose and eating it.

I cant sit for long in the presence of someone doing any of those things without wanting to slap their hands away.

If she's permanently doing it I would urge some help for anxiety.

Its all about whether it's something you can "get over". If not I think you have to go. It's an odd thing to do and pretty unhygienic too. Is she an overly anxious person in general?

It's not gross.

I suck my thumb, I'm not picking my bum or anything. My hands are clean enough when I do it. I wouldn't touch a raw chicken then suck my thumb or anything.

I don't make slurping noises.

If you cant live with it, just leave OP. You don't need anyone else's permission.

People leave relationships for lots of reasons. It's OK to love someone but to leave the relationship because you cant stand a habit they have and wont give up. Like biting toe nails, smoking or thumb sucking all evening and night clutching a sticky blanket. Ugh. Don't make it your mission to change them.

She's happy to carry on thumb sucking and will or wont find a partner who doesn't mind.

The first thing she does most evenings ... is go up stairs get blanket ... comes back down stairs and sucks thumb...this will go on all evening...then in bed, then on going to sleep to the sound of sucking thumb ... I feel it kills conversation, ... and it kills my libido dead. I just can't seem to get away from it...even in the car

This goes way beyond the occasional thumb suck that lots of posters describe doing.

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Ahhh, thanks Aspie. Might look into that for DD. She is still constantly chewing on inappropriate objects

I don't blame you OP. Watching my partner spend their entire evening sucking their thumb and holding their blankie? Lying in bed sucking their thumb? Um, no thanks!

'I had a boyfriend that used to suck his thumb during sex'

Christ on a bike Poosey. I wonder what a therapist would say about that!

I could cope with it if it was sometimes...but truth be told if the anxiety isn't felt with I don't see how it can, I will talk with her about therapy and or medication...I can't even cuddle in bed as thumb and blanket are always there, it stinks and have said it it smelly and awful but she hasn't tried to limit the thumb or even willing to wash or freezing it to kill the smell...I have slept in the sparero a few times because I can't bare it...

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It would be a deal-breaker for me, I'm afraid. I could not live with a thumb-sucker, nail-biter or nose-picker no matter how fabulous they were.

I'm a 26 year old thumb sucker! And I took a toy to bed with me and dh til dd was born.

But I wouldn't take a stinking blanket to bed...

How nice, Aspie! I'll bear that in mind, thank you

Could the stinky blanket 'accidentally' get 'lost'?

Yeah it's become a real nightmare if I'm honest I kind of just watch and wait for it to come out, my wait is always short and never let down....I feel it's a vicious circle, where needs can't be met because of the blanket and thumb are the first go to place, rather then any kind of dialog..also in public places when the thumb can't come out the phone comes out...what send rude to my friends and family...I know it's because of anxiety but it still hard...on few occasions the thumb has come out in front of friends and I find it embarrassing but mostly sad that it comes to that...it stops conversation that then makes her feel even more distant from being involved in what happening around her....

Ha Ive joked about it! She would never forgive me it more important then me

I would rather get divorced than stop sucking my thumb and sniffing my blanket. I'm 39. I only do it at bedtime though or on the rare occasion I'm relaxing alone. It makes me feel so happy

I think it's tricky. YANBU to find it a total passion killer and uncomfortable. However, she clearly is very attached and it's quite a psychological addiction. If she's not willing to deal with her issues now, I'd be concerned and questioning my ability to continue with the relationship. The thumb and blanket are just a symptom of the problem.

And id never want to take that happiness away from you...but would you do it as often as my dp if it means you are distancing your self as much as she is?