deceased mothers items sister now wants

[Murphyslaw21]

Ok my mum passed 4 years ago my relationship with my sister has never been good. But we dealt with mums house and belongings very well.

Mum had some beautiful picture frames 2 large 2 medium and four small now they are stunning etched glass. My sister did not want them so I had them.

Now my sister has decided she would like one. I am using them and understand that she would want one but I have them displayed with pictures in them. I want to give her two small ones however I know she wants a large one. AIBU to say that because she didn't want them and I am using them I want to keep big ones.

I know she will be pissed off but i want to see what others think.

I'll stick with the two small. The others are part of my home. If she is not happy then tough.

I'd actually be tempted to say no for these picture frames, even the small ones. With more info it sounds like it's about power and suddenly seeing something shiny rather than a deep feeling of wanted her mother's things.

Why does her feeling of 'I'd like those' usurp your 'I like these too,' AND 'These are mine'.

Hi hopeful

I think by offering the two small ones if she insists on the bigger ones then in my head I think it will be a power thing with her . But to refuse (and it is for some sentimental reason) then I would understand that the two small ones would suffice

Haven't read the whole thread but my feeling would be I expect your mum would just want you both to share.
They didn't belong to either of you originally so just share although can see your annoyance op.

I have a similar sister.

You're probably right OP. I think you're being nice and generous and it's probably the right thing to do. I am being cranky.

I agree with Hopeful actually, it seems like a 'power' thing and actually by giving anything, you are effectively telling your sister you agree that she has a right to all your mother's things, even this far after the event when she didn't want them at the time and got many other lovely things (of high value and sentimental value) to remind her of your mother - but that by giving her the small frames, you are trying to 'buy her off' with the small ones and you get to keep the better ones. If she views it as you have been storing things that by rights should belong to her, then the smaller frames won't stop her feeling agrieved.

I would stick with saying no, they are yours now and part of your home, she has other items of your mother's in her house, she doesn't get to have everything she wants of your mothers.

(If she offers to swap some of the things she has from your mothers house, then I would be more sympathetic)

my brother and i had to split my mothers possessions recently. If i spotted something in my brothers house of hers i would consider it his now (even though the time limit is less). its a done deal and in the past.

if i liked some of the things she had as much as the smaller frames then i would suggest swapping them. i certainly would not give one of my favourites to her without any swapping. these are your possessions now - if she liked them that much she should have chosen them at the time. i'd also consider ignoring her - i wouldn't do anything in a rush

OP,give her nothing at all and tell her how vulgar you find it that she is being so envious after four years.

She will not stop at these frames.

Do not keep the little bitter jealousy flame alive with appeasements and tell her in no uncertain terms that she chose.The frames are being used and not hidden in a chest in a dungeon.

Bitter experience here of my DH's family getting into an astonishingly stupid war over things.

Thanks guys for your help hihohoho.

Please read some more of the thread or at least my replies as there is a bigger situation

thought i had murphy. whats the bigger situation? I just picked up that you didn't get on with your sister and that she wanted your big frame, despite the fact that she had already picked out her share of what she wanted from your mother's estate 4 years ago.

Crossed wires dreaming. I was replying to Hihohoho

Saying they need to read the thread

Oh dear just said it to hubby who knew about frames that I will give her the two small ones. He has gone ape shit.

Saying she didn't "f" want them. Now she does cause they look nice. The wall will look "f"ing awful. She is bang out of order. Making you feel like you should give them to her.

Oohhh crap so instead of pissing of sister now pissed of hubby. Great!!! He ended it with.... You do what you want they are yours now but she is a f ing bitch . And you will be a mug to do it.

I agree with him TBH /)

Your sister sounds like she has wider boundary issues - you will know better than we do if she has a track record of not being able to reign stuff like this in. I'm guessing this may be the heart of the matter here.

I would probably just say to her look, these had sentimental value to me at the time, they still do, and they're part of my home. I'm not about to start asking you for things I may have changed my mind about, which would be ridiculous.

I don't think you should even start the process of swapsies or anything like that. She will find a reason to make you appear unreasonable, I bet you.

Your husband has a point, these are yours now, part of your home together. It's not on that now she's seen they look nice, she gets to take them.

it's not just hte small frames, doing this and you are opening the way for all items you took being up for 'reassignment' if she's decided they are worth having now, and you bet she won't offer anything back unless she really doesn't want it.

Your Dh is right. They are yours. She's pushing it.

he has a point. don't do anything for a while and think about it, there's no rush. i think she is out of order, or is just chancing it and hoping to guilt you into it. if she said anything again, i would probably just agree that they are lovely and its great that you both had inherited something you wanted, you these and her whatever she had

Agreed with your husband. Let's face it - she's blanked you since Christmas because of a slight. It's a power thing.

I'm with your husband as well....

Oh crap now I don't know what to do... You all make sense. Feel like I'm going to start world war 3 with whatever I do.... Crap crap crap and crap

Don't do anything for a while, mull it over. There's no rush is there? After 4 years, your sister can't be in a desperate hurry to have a photo frame.

And now I've read the background, I'm wondering if what your sister really wants is to deprive you of the photo frames, rather than actually have the photo frames, if you see what I mean.

He's right .

They're yours, I wouldn't give them to her as I said up thread.

Also agree with your DH

Why WW3?

If she gets the hump, let her.

So bloody what if she does.

They are hanging in your home. If you take them down, you'll need to find something to replace them with. When DSis and I needed to split what was in our family home there were a few things we both wanted so we split them between us and agreed to swap them round on a yearly basis. I wouldn't have even considered asking for any of the other things that went to her when we split the house and would have said no if she's asked too.
After some years, we stopped swapping the things we both wanted and I wouldn't hesitate to hand over any of those as that's what we agreed.