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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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AIBU to think woman in soft play was rude and unhelpful

287 replies

fassbendersmistress · 08/01/2016 16:45

Sorry...it's a bit long...(and about soft play to boot.

Put money in air hockey machine to play with DS (3) and Dsis. 4 boys, about 2/3 yrs older than DS came over and tried to grab the equipment. I said, in a really friendly way, we had paid our money and DS was playing. They hung around the table trying to grab the puck and demanding a turn, shouting it wasn't fair...I told them if they wanted to play they could go ask their mums. They kept reaching onto the table. I told them several times to be careful/watch their fingers etc...no drama, just a bit annoying but par for the course in soft play. So at one point when they all had their hands in front of Dsis trying to grab the puck, yet again holding up the game, I said to her just to play on and if they got their hands caught they got their hands caught. Bear in mind they'd been asked very nicely many times to move hands and this was a VERY gentle game - puck travelling at snail pace! She was not about to smash it into their fingers.

At this point a woman appeared beside me and gave me a filthy look. She moved next to the boys who were still reaching and grabbing but didn't stop them, just continued to stare me out. So I asked her why the look. She told me I couldn't speak like that to the children. I explained I had only asked children politely to take their hands off the table (it would have been obvious to anyone watching they were really disrupting the game but we weren't actually making any big fuss about this). She told me that one of the boys had SN and that I was a disgrace. She said she wasn't his parent but that she knew him and I was totally out of order to say that Dsis should play on and that 'the boy could get his hands caught'. She just kept saying 'he has SN FGS'....that I had 'no idea'. This all took place over 5 minutes. At no point did any other adult approach the kids. She didn't attempt to get the parent of the child with SN. For what was left of our game, she stood by the table giving me filthy looks, allowing the children she apparently knew and at least one of whom was hers, to continue grabbing away. When the game finished outraged woman went and got a hug from her friend.

Now, I accept that I probably shouldn't have said the comment about them getting their fingers caught out loud...(it wasn't actually said to or overheard by any of the children)...but AIBU to think she totally overreacted to that? Common sense would have told her there was no actual threat to little fingers being deliberately bashed by an adult.

And AIBU to think that her telling me the child had SN made no difference to the situation because the whole time I continued to just talk to all the children in a friendly way. I was tolerating their behaviour the whole time just trying to manage it so DS could have something of a game. Knowing one of the children had SN wasn't going to change my approach of continue to tell them to stand back, let us play and watch their hands for the 5 mins or so the game lasted. Surely it's better to get the parent involved who knows their child and how to help them if they're in a disruptive situation?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 08/01/2016 17:18

When I go to the toilet I take my child with ASD with me!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/01/2016 17:18

Anyway you can all get on with your righteous outrage and refusal to make any allowances for SN. I CBA. I know how these threads go so will let you get on with it.

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/01/2016 17:18

Then I assume fanjo that you would remove your child rather than screeching "but SN. .." at the parent who has repeatedly and politely tried to get them to move their hands.

I8toys · 08/01/2016 17:19

YADNBU - what are you supposed to do - just let them disrupt your game because the parent/friend can't be arsed to take responsibility.

abbsismyhero · 08/01/2016 17:19

*No way could my DD follow any of these instructions. Her hands would have stated there and been hurt.

Still its not like SN might affect understanding is it. Make no allowances at all. hmm*

fanjo would you not have been close enough to deal with the situation then? im assuming you would be monitoring your child and able to intervene when necessary

Aeroflotgirl · 08/01/2016 17:19

Fanjo only 1 child had SN, what about the rest!!!

AliceInUnderpants · 08/01/2016 17:19

If the child's parent was at the toilet, the cow woman who approached you should have dealt with it, knowing the child.

CombineBananaFister · 08/01/2016 17:19

But its not about taking your eyes off the ball Fanjo, SN or not, everyone has done that and it comes back to bite them in the arse. There WAS an adult who knew the children who were being disruptive AND SN was used as a reason to let it carry on - how is that helping anyone including the child?

MistressMerryWeather · 08/01/2016 17:19

OP has said that the childs hand wouldn't have actually gotten hurt.

ArkATerre · 08/01/2016 17:20

A child may have been hurt. Lack of adult supervision would have been to blame but they would still have been hurt. However frustrated I felt I doubt I would have advised my child to carry on playing.

I don't know why some posters find it difficult to understand how SN issues might affect behaviour and lead to injury.

usual · 08/01/2016 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AliceInUnderpants · 08/01/2016 17:21

fanjo the OP did make allowances, they delayed the game and asked the children to stop. What should they do? Just keep pumping money in so four kids can stand and enjoy it?
If my SN child can't be left unsupervised, I take her to the toilet with me.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/01/2016 17:21

Just because dd has SN, even more for me to be near, and to be available. If I need the toilet, I take her with me, or another adult if we are out with my friend, I so not leave her on her own. God her anxiety would be through the roof and it would be meltdown city, she would go off with anybody, she is very trusting.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 08/01/2016 17:22

OP has also stated they were playing extremely slowly. I don't think anyone, SN or not, was likely to lose (or even bruise) any fingers.

usual · 08/01/2016 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shoofly · 08/01/2016 17:23

Or possibly the woman who knew the child, could've let his parent know? Utterly ridiculous to allow a child to spoil anothers game using SN as an excuse.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/01/2016 17:24

I know, but these kids were annoying op and her dcs and disrupting their game.

AliceInUnderpants · 08/01/2016 17:24

Anyway you can all get on with your righteous outrage and refusal to make any allowances for SN. I CBA. I know how these threads go so will let you get on with it.

Hmm
Gileswithachainsaw · 08/01/2016 17:26

I thought op was understanding and careful.

she didn't tell them. to bugger off and I'm. Sure she would have allowed the adult in charge to take whatever time or action needed to rectify the situation.

the woman standing there having a go was using it as an excuse and laying the blame at the op fir dating to want to play rather than dealing with the situation

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 08/01/2016 17:26

You aren't 'superhuman'! Hmm you are a parent same as we all are!

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 08/01/2016 17:27

Still its not like SN might affect understanding is it. Make no allowances at all. 

It wasn't the kids it was the adult NOT dealing with it and allowed the situation to continue AND made Op uncomfortable. Did the woman's have special needs and not understand the basic manners of allowing kids to play a game they paid for? Or is it ok to allow kids to barge in and demand a game??

RickRoll · 08/01/2016 17:28

I love these threads.

You could just create a Mumsnet random topic generator and the thread would go by itself.

fassbendersmistress · 08/01/2016 17:28

Fanjo what do you suggest I did? Surrender the game to the children because one of them had SN?

All I'm saying is, on this occasion, I was going to continue playing and the fact that one out of 4 disruptive children had SN wasn't going to change how I handled the situation, and the woman certainly offered no helpful solution, preferring to cast looks and express outrage.

And I've not suggested that parents of SN children should keep their eyes in them at all times. I was happy enough to bear their behaviour for the 5 minutes the game lasted without intervention....but outraged lady had different ideas.

OP posts:
NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 08/01/2016 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 08/01/2016 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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