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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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AIBU to think woman in soft play was rude and unhelpful

287 replies

fassbendersmistress · 08/01/2016 16:45

Sorry...it's a bit long...(and about soft play to boot.

Put money in air hockey machine to play with DS (3) and Dsis. 4 boys, about 2/3 yrs older than DS came over and tried to grab the equipment. I said, in a really friendly way, we had paid our money and DS was playing. They hung around the table trying to grab the puck and demanding a turn, shouting it wasn't fair...I told them if they wanted to play they could go ask their mums. They kept reaching onto the table. I told them several times to be careful/watch their fingers etc...no drama, just a bit annoying but par for the course in soft play. So at one point when they all had their hands in front of Dsis trying to grab the puck, yet again holding up the game, I said to her just to play on and if they got their hands caught they got their hands caught. Bear in mind they'd been asked very nicely many times to move hands and this was a VERY gentle game - puck travelling at snail pace! She was not about to smash it into their fingers.

At this point a woman appeared beside me and gave me a filthy look. She moved next to the boys who were still reaching and grabbing but didn't stop them, just continued to stare me out. So I asked her why the look. She told me I couldn't speak like that to the children. I explained I had only asked children politely to take their hands off the table (it would have been obvious to anyone watching they were really disrupting the game but we weren't actually making any big fuss about this). She told me that one of the boys had SN and that I was a disgrace. She said she wasn't his parent but that she knew him and I was totally out of order to say that Dsis should play on and that 'the boy could get his hands caught'. She just kept saying 'he has SN FGS'....that I had 'no idea'. This all took place over 5 minutes. At no point did any other adult approach the kids. She didn't attempt to get the parent of the child with SN. For what was left of our game, she stood by the table giving me filthy looks, allowing the children she apparently knew and at least one of whom was hers, to continue grabbing away. When the game finished outraged woman went and got a hug from her friend.

Now, I accept that I probably shouldn't have said the comment about them getting their fingers caught out loud...(it wasn't actually said to or overheard by any of the children)...but AIBU to think she totally overreacted to that? Common sense would have told her there was no actual threat to little fingers being deliberately bashed by an adult.

And AIBU to think that her telling me the child had SN made no difference to the situation because the whole time I continued to just talk to all the children in a friendly way. I was tolerating their behaviour the whole time just trying to manage it so DS could have something of a game. Knowing one of the children had SN wasn't going to change my approach of continue to tell them to stand back, let us play and watch their hands for the 5 mins or so the game lasted. Surely it's better to get the parent involved who knows their child and how to help them if they're in a disruptive situation?

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 09/01/2016 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Skullyton · 09/01/2016 15:23

The issue it when some posters who have children with SN seem to think they're the only ones entitled to an opinion.

We all have to struggle, i dont think i've slept properly since my DS was born, 4hrs of sleep a night is good, 3 is average. I'm constantly at risk of him being violent towards me, as are other people.

Each of us parent our disabled and special needs children to the best of our abilities, and like any other parent, we're going to have our own way of doing it and our own way of coping with our childs particular needs.

It doesn't help when we express an opinion and are shouted down by other parents who seem to think their opinion on life as a Special Needs mom is the only one allowed.

We should ALL think before we post, and stop laying into each other.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/01/2016 15:26

No one said others weren't entitled to an opinion.

I will address the opinion if people are directly having a go at me though, as some were.

If you feel like you aren't allowed an opinion then that's your own issue because I didn't say that. Hmm

You seem well able to assert yourself tbh

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/01/2016 15:27

Nothing like a bit of solidarity though.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/01/2016 15:28

We should ALL think before we post, and stop laying into each other

Err your post was laying into others. Maybe take your own advice

Skullyton · 09/01/2016 15:30

i never said you did... is there any reason you've chosen to take my post personally?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/01/2016 15:33

Spare me the disingenuity

ArkATerre · 09/01/2016 15:53

I'm glad some of what is said changes the preconceptions some people held about SN issues.

Dotandethel · 09/01/2016 16:34

The woman was a total wanker and obviously gets off on sticking her nose in and causing trouble. You were a lot nicer than i would have been and in no way were you being unreasonable. Let's hope she comes across someone less tolerant than yourself

NewYearNewToads · 09/01/2016 18:39

So, what if the OPs child had SN and was very upset about their game being disturbed? What if OP had SN which caused her to respond in the same way to the disruption?

Then who gets bashed?

In an ideal world, nobody would.

However ime it would still be the OP.

NewYearNewToads · 09/01/2016 18:42

The woman was a total wanker and obviously gets off on sticking her nose in and causing trouble

Or perhaps she was just so tired and worn down that she just snapped.

She is only human after all.

There have been times when I haven't been the nicest person in the world and may have overreacted or snapped at someone but it was only because I felt like I was at the end.

I'm sure you're not perfect either.

NewYearNewToads · 09/01/2016 18:43

The first few responses on this thread are a bit Hmm however.

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