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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find getting older so incredibly sad

418 replies

GrillPanEddy · 07/01/2016 19:51

All of a sudden I feel old. I'm 35 which I know is by no means ancient but physically I'm starting to feel it - little aches and niggles, grey hairs, wrinkles, sagging. Nothing that major but it just keeps dawning on me that I'm getting older.

I bump into people I used to know in my teens and think "fuck they look old".

Looking at my parents getting older breaks my heart. My dad in particular - late 60s and getting grumpy, a bit lazy, a bit slow, a bit out of touch with what's going on. He used to be so lively and in the know about everything.

I feel like my time, my family's time is a all so bloody short. Life is running away from us and making us old in the process. Time goes sooooo quickly these days, the years are merging into each other.

I don't want to get old and don't want others around me to get old. I don't want to see my lovely DH get old.

I don't want to deteriorate mentally or physically but kind of think I've hit my peak without even realizing and it's just age age age from here on in.

Makes me so sad. Feels like a ridiculously unfair part of life. Though I also get how ridiculous that sounds too.

OP posts:
TravellingHopefully12 · 07/01/2016 20:02

I know what you mean - I am watching my beautiful wonderful parents getting older and older, and I am glad to have them but terrified to lose them. My DP is also visibly ageing, though we are only 30 his hairline is receeding - and me, well, my skin is no where near as good as it once was.

It is sad...but it's better than the alternative. I had a brother who died young, so I remind myself of him. He would have loved to have been around now, although he too might have found my parents' ageing difficult - sorry not being smug and taking moral highground or anything, but saying why I don't totally hate ageing, more blaming the passing of time - the feeling it does run away from us.

MuttonDressedAsMutton · 07/01/2016 20:03

I don't know if YABU or not - but this can hardly have come as a surprise to you and nor is it confined to you or people you know! It's so bloody inevitable and nobody escapes! Oh - and you're 35? Shock And you think that's old? Shock Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

hopeathollycottage · 07/01/2016 20:04

I'm the same age as you, and I love it! I feel like I am at my peak: old enough to have enough money to enjoy life, young enough to enjoy it :)

peggyundercrackers · 07/01/2016 20:05

Yanbu - getting older is shit but unfortunately it's part of life. It is hard seeing your parents getting old and suffering aches and pains more, when you realise they won't be there forever. The days and weeks do seem to go quicker all the time... The upside of that is it makes me want to spend more time with our kids.

TheWitTank · 07/01/2016 20:05

Yup, I get you totally. The speed life passes at terrifies me sometimes if I think too much about it.

ihatethecold · 07/01/2016 20:06

I like getting older.
I'm 42 next week and I think life has got better the older I'm getting.
Children are growing up which is lovely to watch them becoming teens.
I ache just as much as I did in my 30's.
Just not keen on the grey hair sprouting.

Original poster
GrillPanEddy · 07/01/2016 20:07

It just seems a bit crap to end up looking and feeling like older versions of ourselves.

I'm dreading our parents getting really elderly. I don't know how I'll cope. I've got step-parents too which is an added complication.

I guess the meaning of this story is to live fully, and in the moment.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 07/01/2016 20:07

i quite like getting older, i care less what people think and am doing what i really want to do. you sound a bit depressed and are blaming age

dementedma · 07/01/2016 20:08

God, wish I was 35 again. My parents are in their 80s and dad is in care with advanced dementia.
I don't like the physical aspects of being 50 something,: the weight gain, the bingo wings, the wrinkles, but I feel more confident, more positive and happier to try new things...

MorrisZapp · 07/01/2016 20:08

I always find it so hard watching documentaries, especially ones about rock groups, which interview the subjects 'then and now'.

It brings the human ageing process so brutally into focus. I saw a clip of Steve Harley once, in his 'come up and see me' days, which then cut to him now. Um, wow.

Or those documentaries with very old ladies recollecting the war etc 'Doris was employed as a land girl and also drove an ambulance' then a picture comes up of a fresh, gorgeous young woman in sepia tones.

Sniff.

ImperialBlether · 07/01/2016 20:09

Would you prefer it if you and your parents didn't get old?

minifingerz · 07/01/2016 20:10

I think that bemoaning growing old is something that spoiled westerners do a treat.

I'm going to be 50 this year. I feel happy and grateful every day that I've got to half a century and have had everything I could hope for in life - a superb family, a long and decent marriage, three beautiful children, an education, my health (so far - I never take it for granted), a nice home, a job I like.

I refuse to spend one second feeling sad about the passing of time. What a waste! I suggest you do the same.

BTW - my parents had a wonderful retirement, and at 80 my lovely mum has great friendships, reads loads of books, goes out often, enjoys her garden and her dogs. There is so much to look forward to. Smile

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 07/01/2016 20:10

YABU really, as the quote says - growing old is a privilege denied to many.

Far too many people die far too young, we are the lucky ones, but lots of people are too egotistical to see it.

Don't dwell on what you don't have, think about all you do have and make the very most of it.

newrainswillcomesoon · 07/01/2016 20:10

Grill, why do you think you have such a strong reaction to ageing?

I am around your age and while I will concede to feeling past my "prime" I still think I'm a nice looking enough woman when I make an effort Grin

Sallystyle · 07/01/2016 20:11

No.

My kids lost their dad two years ago, he was 39. I still feel very privileged that I'm getting the chance to grow old and see my children grow up into wonderful young adults, when he would have done anything to get older.

That certainly changed my perspective. That and working with oncology end of life patients. Yeah, I'm getting wrinkles but they beat the alternative and I don't think they look bad anyway.

I do feel sad at the thought of my mum growing old yes, but I'm 35 and unless I get a serious illness or have an accident I am not close to getting old.

mudandmayhem01 · 07/01/2016 20:11

Exactly what's the alternative, just updated on the thread about the young mother whose husband is missing presumed dead, be thankful to be alive and treasure the days with have left. I expect that poor woman would do anything to grow old with her husband. I am in my 40s although I have wrinkles and grey hairs my body is stronger and fitter than ever, some aspects of ageing can be greatly delayed.

The80sweregreat · 07/01/2016 20:12

Try being 50! More grey hair, more lines, getting fatter ( my fault i know) menopause looming, not many job opportunities. Aches and pains. 35 is young!

CuttedUpPear · 07/01/2016 20:12

What I would do to be 35 again with just a few crow's feet to worry about.

LIVE your life while you are young and be grateful for the roof over your head and the food on your table, your troubles are nothing, I tell you.

beardsrock · 07/01/2016 20:20

Oh for god's sake, all these people who are not 35 and keep saying 'Oh you're a spring chicken, 35's young, just you wait etc' please go and post on another thread.

I feel your pain, OP.

34 soon and man, can I feel it. Niggles, aches, knackered, the whole bit.

Teenagers look like my two year old! I see them driving and think 'They can't be legal!"

I'm dreading getting older. But in my head I'm still 18.

SoapandGloryisDivine · 07/01/2016 20:21

I was thinking the same earlier today- at 26. I know I'm nowhere near being old, but these past 10 years have flown by and I don't doubt the next 10 years will fly by as well. I still feel younger than what I actually am (I still feel the same as I did when I was about 21), and I'm nearing 30.
I was 16 10 years ago. I know to many people that will seem like nothing, but to me it just seems so surreal. It feels like only yesterday!

notquiteruralbliss · 07/01/2016 20:23

I have no problem with getting old. In my 50s, have a job I like, been married my entire adult life, DCs are growing up and becoming independent, no real money worries ( though teenagers are expensive) and feel under zero pressure to look or behave a certain way. With age comes a realisation that some of the things I used to stress over really don't matter.

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 07/01/2016 20:23

heh heh

I'm sure I felt worse about my age at 35 than I do now at fortycoughcoughmumble

NiceCardigan · 07/01/2016 20:24

YABU I'm 49 and don't feel old at all. DS started university last October and me and DH are in our element as empty nesters. I started a new job in the summer as well that I really enjoy so feel like things are going really well at the moment. I'm too busy to dwell on aging but since I lost 2 stone last year I look better than I have done for awhile.

Chilledmonkeybrains · 07/01/2016 20:25

Old age is a privilege not afforded to everyone.

DisappointedOne · 07/01/2016 20:26

It is sad...but it's better than the alternative. I had a brother who died young, so I remind myself of him. He would have loved to have been around now, although he too might have found my parents' ageing difficult - sorry not being smug and taking moral highground or anything, but saying why I don't totally hate ageing, more blaming the passing of time - the feeling it does run away from us.

Me too. My sibling only got a few hours so I never ever complain about ageing. Each year should be celebrated.