To find getting older so incredibly sad

[GrillPanEddy]

All of a sudden I feel old. I'm 35 which I know is by no means ancient but physically I'm starting to feel it - little aches and niggles, grey hairs, wrinkles, sagging. Nothing that major but it just keeps dawning on me that I'm getting older.

I bump into people I used to know in my teens and think "fuck they look old".

Looking at my parents getting older breaks my heart. My dad in particular - late 60s and getting grumpy, a bit lazy, a bit slow, a bit out of touch with what's going on. He used to be so lively and in the know about everything.

I feel like my time, my family's time is a all so bloody short. Life is running away from us and making us old in the process. Time goes sooooo quickly these days, the years are merging into each other.

I don't want to get old and don't want others around me to get old. I don't want to see my lovely DH get old.

I don't want to deteriorate mentally or physically but kind of think I've hit my peak without even realizing and it's just age age age from here on in.

Makes me so sad. Feels like a ridiculously unfair part of life. Though I also get how ridiculous that sounds too.

I kind of feel the same way about my parents and il's ageing mostly because I can't imagine losing them. I did get to 35 and suddenly realised I was ageing too and it was a bit of a shock but my mum reminded me I should celebrate every birthday because far too many people don't reach my age.
She's absolutely right. Dh's best friend died at 34 leaving a widow of only 30 and a 6 year old son. I'm absolutely delighted I'm celebrating another birthday in a few weeks time. It's only 37 I hopefully still have a lot more to celebrate and for that I'm extremely grateful.

Cheer up OP. No one can stop the march of time, but it's how you respond to it that matters.

Some people are born middle aged, some seem youthful because they act youthful even into old age. If ill health doesn't scupper you, you will find there are lots of compensations for age. You don't have the sort of angst you are talking about, you don't worry what people think of you, you realise life is to be grabbed with both hands.

At least, that's what I still think and I'm in my 70s now. Still haven't decided what I want to do when I grow up!

Seriously, though, you shouldn't be getting aches and niggles in your 30s - maybe a health check is called for? Low vitamin D, which most northern Europeans suffer from in the winter, can cause joint aches etc.

You don't say AF?

Op, I'm yet another one nearly 20 years older than you and I'm afraid I find your post self indulgent twaddle.

Perhaps you are depressed? It is NOT normal to find getting older "incredibly sad".

I feel sorry watching my iLs sitting side by side in their matching reclining armchairs, doing endless crosswords etc while there are photos of them looking glamorous in their youth on the shelf behind them. I keep thinking, "Is that what my existence life will amount to in 25 years' time?"

My friend's parents are well into their 80s and in poor health and she describes it as waiting for them to die. Very sad

Late 60s and slowing down and falling behind on things? Really? Late 60s isn't old! Late 80s is old!

I wish my dad was only in his late 60s. I'm not that much older than you and he's in his 90s! Thank goodness my mum is still in her 70s and a young 70 something at that.

If you are fit and well into old age and many people are, even though 1 in 3 will get cancer and a growing number dementia so you can think that something will get you eventually (in my dad's case Parkinsons), it's down to your attitude to life. I think my dh will age very quickly. But that's because he feels very middle-aged at 50odd. It doesn't help with things like Saga holidays and retirement complexes for the over 50s and 55s! 50/55 is still young but they perpetuate the idea that it's old-ish.

Well, I am hardly 26, and the feeling of getting old can only encourage me to strive, to develop myself in various aspects. I do not see it as sad though

hehe, Zombs

That's as much detail as you will get from me/ Your post is very gracious, my dear.

Stay healthy, you have the world at your feet. Right ?

Fo' sho', AF, fo' sho'.

YABU. Firstly, getting old is a privilege denied to many and I can't bear it when people moan about it and to call it unfair is outrageous!
Secondly, if you are feeling the physical symptoms of age and that its all downhill from now at only 35 there is something wrong. Think you are old way before your time!

I'm with Zombie on this, she talks sense. I am 71 and not at all sad about it. I love not having to get up and go to work. I am grateful for being alive when so many relatives and friends did not make it this far. Yes I am a bit creaky but am going on our annual ski holiday on Saturday with DH, DSs 1 & 2 and DGS. We are not rich but comfortably off so we can do more or less what we want. What grounds for sadness could I possbly have?

Growing older, we hope is inevitable, growing up is optional!
Anyone fancy a kickabout in the park?

That said I do get panicky when I realise there are more years behind me than in front!
I feel more sad that there will be ambitions never realised. There is a sadness that life is passing me by in a bid to pay the bills and there will never be enough to make life 'comfortable'.

I had cancer when I was 21. I'm at high risk of another cancer because of the treatment I had for my first cancer. I don't like getting older, but when I feel like that I remember what I've been through and am grateful I'm not dead yet.

I'm 47 by the way...

MorrisZapp -- "I always find it so hard watching documentaries, especially ones about rock groups, which interview the subjects 'then and now'. "

Keith Richards (lol)

I lost a sister about 20 years ago, and whenever I feel sorry for myself I remember that some people don't have the privilege of growing old. Having said that, I think the mid 30s is when fear grips many women that it's probably all downhill from there on and that can be hard. You get used to not taking your appearance for granted though, and the doldrums shift.

My first instinct (as a much older, but perfectly satisfied, woman) was to tell you to grow up. But then something struck me.

At 35 I had young children and less energy and I possibly drank more wine.

The difference that I can see is that most women in their 50s, and above, have more free time and fewer demands from young families, so live such full and interesting lives that they haven't the time, or inclination to gawp at themselves for hours in the mirror. Therefore, the ravages of time have less power over me them.

I was 50 last year and have never felt fitter or happier. I love life and am not phased by getting older although it is scary how quickly time passes by.

I did absolutely loads of travelling for my 50th and saw things I'd wanted to for many years.

I don't have any aches or pains for which I'm truly thankful, but I do look after myself by running, cycling, walking, yoga, going to the gym etc.

My mum died 17 years ago and I get really sad about that, my dad is 80 odd and still going strong.

I feel so lucky and privileged, cannot imagine moaning at 35 if I'm honest. I have a happy lookout which I know is more luck than anything else but I do think you have to make the most of life, look after yourself health wise, learn new things, challenge yourself and keep making new friends!

I'm 34 and feel a bit like the OP.
However I'm questioning a lot of thing in my life, the decisions I've made etc. I feel like I've just bumbled along and now I am just not happy. So getting old for me is about worrying about running out of time to be happy. If I were happy I wouldn't feel this way. I think I might be depressed - genuinely and have done for a number of years.

Oh piss off you lot bemoaning me at 35 for feeling like this - I'm not asking for a pity party!

I'm in pretty good health, albeit about a stone heavier than I'd like to be, and getting less sleep (thanks DC2) than I'd like. Breastfeeding each child for 18m+ hasn't done my back many favours (though of course I'm proud to say it probably has done my children many favours and has been a joy all in all).

Generally I am thankful, I do feel blessed with a rich and varied life (already!) and to have the love and health of those around me, it's just been a bit of a smack in the face I suppose that I'm getting older and so's everyone else when tbh I've never really noticed it before.

And I am looking forward to the future, we've got some fun things planned in the coming years, we have a nice life and long may that continue.

I'm not ungrateful and dying young is a huge huge tragedy. Still something sad about deteriorating with age though, though perhaps you just learn to accept it for being as much a part of life as anything else - I'm just not quite there yet.

Good then, you get it !!!!

I turned 35 in December and look and feel better than ever! I have three DC, my youngest has just started school and I'm getting my life back. Age is a state of mind......drink lots of wine and get yourself on eBay for some dodgy extra strength Retin A. 😜

I believe about 100 years ago the average life expectancy was approx 45

Some people live in places where this is still the case

We are lucky if we live a long, happy and healthy life !

Do I spend any time thinking about getting old ?

Not one second ! I am too busy enjoying my life

However, I do think about the family and friends who are no longer here
Especially those who died young

They sell grips in Wilkos I'm old too....

OP, you say about your dad: late 60s and getting grumpy, a bit lazy, a bit slow, a bit out of touch with what's going on - I'm sorry, that must be really depressing to witness, but honestly, he's not typical of most 60-something men I know. Is he unwell?

I get the existential angst thing. It's January. Everything's grey and everyone's coughing. But it's a new start - time to get healthy, to get involved in something you're passionate about.

I'm at my best when I'm walking my dog on a beach, or chasing my grandchildren around the park, or dancing, or spending time with people who make me laugh. So I do that as often as possible. I meet people of all ages through shared political interests and that keeps hope alive.

Don't dwell on the minor physical changes - you shouldn't be feeling too achey at your age. If you're unhealthy, do what you can to improve things.

And then get out and live and enjoy every minute you have .

Wondering if its a related to being mid thirties. A couple of years back i had the whole dwelling on aging and dying. I dont want to sound morbid but it played on my mind a lot. I think some of us go through that, then it passes. 35 is young but old enough to realise your not going to escape aging. As others have said better to reach old age than not. It is a mindset thing i think.

Hell, I'm in my 50s, and I'm really enjoying life. Ok, I'm going to die sometime, but I don't care. My DM is 87 and still going strong. Ultimately the end is inevitable.

Just enjoy life until you are dead is my motto.

I'm not sure people will agree though.