To find getting older so incredibly sad

[GrillPanEddy]

All of a sudden I feel old. I'm 35 which I know is by no means ancient but physically I'm starting to feel it - little aches and niggles, grey hairs, wrinkles, sagging. Nothing that major but it just keeps dawning on me that I'm getting older.

I bump into people I used to know in my teens and think "fuck they look old".

Looking at my parents getting older breaks my heart. My dad in particular - late 60s and getting grumpy, a bit lazy, a bit slow, a bit out of touch with what's going on. He used to be so lively and in the know about everything.

I feel like my time, my family's time is a all so bloody short. Life is running away from us and making us old in the process. Time goes sooooo quickly these days, the years are merging into each other.

I don't want to get old and don't want others around me to get old. I don't want to see my lovely DH get old.

I don't want to deteriorate mentally or physically but kind of think I've hit my peak without even realizing and it's just age age age from here on in.

Makes me so sad. Feels like a ridiculously unfair part of life. Though I also get how ridiculous that sounds too.

I've always worried about getting older but then last October, my son lost his best friend at 22 in a tragic accident. That lovely boy will never have the chance to marry, have his own kids and live a wonderful life and its made me realise how bloody lucky I am.
I hope I live till I'm 97 and a half!
So many people never get that chance

"not everyone is blessed with good looks even in their early 20's"

No, but you're likely to look better than in your 60s.

I don't think I agree - age softens some people's faces in an agreeable way. Can think of some who looked either insipid or raw in their twenties but carried on growing into their faces as they aged.

Slightly I agree that some people look better as they get older to a certain extent, but it's not common for very old people to look better.

Speaking of David Bowie a bit up-thread, I think he definitely grew into his looks and was a lot 'softer' in appearance in later years.

Generally I suppose most of us look marginally better without wrinkles and grey hair, I dress a lot better at 50 than I used to though!

I think lots of people look great as their older self. Definitely David Bowie, Hugh Laurie is another (though he's not that old). Sometimes people definitely do become better looking.

Would love to hear from the people on this thread, where are they now? People described feeling old and mourning lost youth but it didn’t stop there. Nearly 9 more years has passed. OP was feeling old at 35 but is now 43/44. Other PPs were early 40s saying it had got better, now they’re 50s. Parents described here in their 70s but now in their 80s. Some people will no longer be with us.

The same applies to me and this comment. The sense of “nowness” is an illusion. There is no now. The passing of time is ceaseless and remorseless.

I felt old when I turned 30. When I turned 50 I decided to embrace it and I don't give a shit about aging anymore. The older I get, the more I feel like the real me. I don't know if that makes any sense, but my 50th birthday was wonderful. 60 is fast approaching. I'm really looking forward to it.

I didn't say anything at all profound on the thread, but it's interesting looking back to then. I'm nearly 9 years older but I feel pretty much the same.

We've lost people, but new ones have arrived. Some are frailer or have become ill or disables, or their lives are now less happy, but others are entering adulthood, or have recovered from illness, or their lives have taken a turn for the better.

I had to have a photo taken at work yesterday and waited until after lunch to give my face more time to unfold but most of the time I don't care that I now wear specs and my neck's getting a bit ropey.

At least it’s better than the alternative. I’m pretty ancient and have lost several friends within the last ten years, including some who were rather younger than I am, so that’s what I tell myself.
And a dd has one friend, only in her 40s, who has stage 4 cancer, and another friend of hers, also 40s, died within just a few months of being diagnosed with cancer.

Both were formerly apparently perfectly healthy.
Count your blessings, OP.

I posted under a different name back then but I still agree with what I said at the time. But I also agree with you, in a sense. Time marches on and takes us with it whether we like it or not. In contrast to ‘there is no now’ I’d say that all we actually have is ‘now’. I’m certainly greyer and wrinklier than I was in 2016 but I’m also happier. I’m not too bothered about where I might be in another 8 or 9 years in terms of ageing, I just want to continue to be a decent person with a mostly happy life. I don’t think being young afforded me any more opportunity or privileges with regards to achieving either of those goals.

Have you ever lost anyone young, OP? My best friend died at 23 years old, and my dad passed at 60. My mother in law got through stage 3 cancer 5yrs ago in her late 50s.

Actively look for perspective.

Interesting to see this thread again. I've gone from 50s to 60s since I posted, and I feel pretty much the same as I did then. I don't have any sadness for myself getting older, I'm just glad I'm around to do it, especially as I'm now older than my mum was when she died. The last of my parents' generation have died since I last posted, and I've lost a few other close people, so I definitely have a sense of my own mortality, but in a must-get-around-to-doing-the-things-I've-always-wanted way. People now stand up when I get on a crowded bus or train, so I suppose I've turned into a little old lady on the outside, but I don't feel like one on the inside!

Your name will still be the same as it was 9 years ago, mine is and I've changed it a zillion times since then.

I had just turned 50 and now 60 looms, god it's weird seeing what I wrote (nothing special) but knowing it was nearly a decade and how I'd love to go back. That 9 years has gone by in the click of my fingers and scary to think of how long one's got left! Still feel happy and mostly fit although a scare since 2016 (how is that 9 years ago though ...)

The interesting thing about this thread is, that some like @OP that didn't were sad about growing older are now a decade older than they were when they posted, so i suppose they are now wishing they were THAT age. The moral of this is to embrace ageing as a process we can do nothing about, just enjoy it and make the most of whatever age you are.

I get it op.

Having lost people close to me who are young, I do feel though that it is a gift to be able to grow old. We are blessed with years ahead of us.

My back and hips don't agree with that though.

My mum died aged 39 when I was 10, and my dad died aged 75 last July.

I find the older you get, the more people around you, you lose :(

I am 42 but definitely notice changes. It hurts to stand too long (seeing a doctor about this), I am slower at typing and texting too!

When I look back (fifties now), I consider 35 as really being the prime of my life to be honest. Try and make the most of it and not look back or ahead too much.

This is interesting. Not seeing ageing as a negative can give you 7 and a half years longer life. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DDK7o8nPnhR/?igsh=NDdkMnc4YzFjcjRz