To find getting older so incredibly sad

[GrillPanEddy]

All of a sudden I feel old. I'm 35 which I know is by no means ancient but physically I'm starting to feel it - little aches and niggles, grey hairs, wrinkles, sagging. Nothing that major but it just keeps dawning on me that I'm getting older.

I bump into people I used to know in my teens and think "fuck they look old".

Looking at my parents getting older breaks my heart. My dad in particular - late 60s and getting grumpy, a bit lazy, a bit slow, a bit out of touch with what's going on. He used to be so lively and in the know about everything.

I feel like my time, my family's time is a all so bloody short. Life is running away from us and making us old in the process. Time goes sooooo quickly these days, the years are merging into each other.

I don't want to get old and don't want others around me to get old. I don't want to see my lovely DH get old.

I don't want to deteriorate mentally or physically but kind of think I've hit my peak without even realizing and it's just age age age from here on in.

Makes me so sad. Feels like a ridiculously unfair part of life. Though I also get how ridiculous that sounds too.

I understand your point exactly, OP: and sometimes, when you see people you haven't seen in a while, the ageing process is brought suddenly into a minute perspective. In my head, my parents, aunts, cousins etc are all in their 30s - because that's my first memories of them: I look at them and find it hard to understand how quickly it is that they've become old people. Of course this happens, of course it's inevitable, of course many people die far too young - but I don't think it's completely unreasonable to feel a certain wistfulness at the passing of time even so.

I'm not bothered about getting old. I don't need to be wrinkle free and bouncing all over the place to enjoy my life. I hope I live to be an old lady - it would be a privilege. My parents are in their mid 60's and are still fit and healthy and don't complain of aches and pains (they work more hours than I do as they run their own business) so I think how much you look after yourself counts. I am very fat and wouldn't say I feel older at 37 though I should do really! Yes it is sad that we all die one day but it is a part of life - I'd rather just ignore the inevitable and enjoy myself. I am hoping to get slimmer and healthier this year since I am getting on and need to be at my best to have the best chance of staying healthy for a long time!

I can empathise OP but I think I'd rephrase to say it's the letting go of youth that is sad. I'm 34 - we are not old by any stretch and there's still lots of good to come (touch wood!) but I do think your mud thirties is when you have to accept you aren't youthful any more, and that is hard to get your head around! I don't envy younger people their youth at all, I'm much more confident and sorted in myself now, but it's still a bit depressing when you think the endless 'opportunity' of youth is diminishing!

Everyone feels younger than they are. We all still think we're 17/24/27 etc. Time passing speeds up as you get older as well - just to cheer you up

But, unless you've got a medical condition, you shouldn't really be feeling too many aches and niggles at 35 though. You're in your prime.

Don't believe the propaganda! The media and advertising are obsessed with youth. Retailers want you to worry about ageing so they can sell completely pointless anti-ageing potions.

Of course there are downsides to getting older but all the evidence is that, on average, people get happier as they age.

What bothers me most about getting older, is the very real likelihood that I won't live to retirement age. Between the rising age of retirement & a health condition that's killed 2 of my grandparents & disabled my dad, I dread getting old. And I dread not getting old.

I agree with those who have lost loved ones. My dd's best friend died when she was 17, a gorgeous girl with her whole life behind her- all gone.

I'm 50 and I don't like the idea of growing old BUT I much rather have wrinkles and the aches and pains, then the alternative.

I feel the same. My brother died at 19 and I do remind myself how lucky I am and that not everyone gets to grow older. I just wish I could stop the clock for a while. My babies are getting older, my parents are getting older. Time is flying by and I wish it would just slow down a little.

I am 34 and feel great about it. I don't know if I'll be privileged enough to see my 80s but I really want to. There is so much to do!

I worry about that too Telephone but really, what can you do?

I'm less bothered in my 40's than I was at your age.

I had kids later in life and I hate getting old. I know it's a privilege and I am grateful for my beautiful children but my youngest will be 10 when I'm 50. I feel a pang of jealousy when those turning 50 talk about kids growing up and being teens.
For me, I had them at the right time. I just wish old age treats me well and I'm of healthy mind and body into my 80's.

totally with you on this, I am 40. I went to my home town for Christmas and familiar faces are all so much older.

I had my first DC at 36. I blame that on feeling totally ancient now I'm 42

I think the PP who said you are mourning the end of your youth is right. You just aren't old. You reallshouldnt have aches and pains either. However, if you look at the thread, those of us in outpr 50s ish seem happy and unworried about age. perhaps as you adjust to jot being actually young you'll get it all in perspective.
Whatever you say, getting older beats the alternative.

Saw something on Facebook earlier.

Something about it being a privilege to grow old, because it's a pleasure denied to so many.

Made me feel better - awful year and still pining for DC2 who will likely never happen.

Made me think of a very close friend who didn't make it to 36.

Look after yourself op

I think maybe 35 is difficult because it is the age where in a superficial way, many women notice for the first time they no longer match the media ideal of youth. Maybe it is worse if you were very beautiful in your youth( never an issue for me) By the time you are you 40, 50, 60+ you have probably reached a degree of acceptance unless you are a Madonna or Nicole Kidman type.

I'm in my mid 40's and as I see it the alternative to ageing is being dead.

I know which I prefer.

Totally doesn't bother me at all, I am much older than you could be your mother and I honestly don't feel 'old' (am sure I look it though ).

Slippery - I didn't even have a child until I was 42 !! I guess as my parents are still healthy and enjoying life in their 80s I compare myself to them and feel 'young'. .

I think I am happier as I get older, I am so much less bothered about other people's opinions and am much happier 'in my own skin'. And I don't give a rat's arse about what I look like which probably helps !!

Yes I feel exactly the same. I'm 36 but somewhere in my head I'm still 18, and from time to time I glance in the mirror and get a shock. A few gray hairs, tired eyes, I'm just not young anymore and I hate that. Or worse, I meet someone who's actually 18 - ouch! I think when you're young you just imagine you'll stay young forever, and I'm certainly finding it quite hard to come to terms with getting older.

Obviously I'm grateful to be alive, I don't think the op was saying that she wasn't!

op i feel as you do only have some pity, i am 51 so my parents are a lot older, i have a lot more grey hair & wrinkles...... . i bet you are still having periods? i haven't had one for a year now and miss them. i HATE being in my 50's and not in a vain way, but in a sad 'my life is more than half way through' way . just you wait until your meno' symptoms start kicking in, it STINKS

I will admit I felt great at 35 and didn't start to feel older till I got to about 48.

I think us older ones are saying it's the mindset that is more of an issue than the arrival of grey hair etc. I had my first grey hair at 26, my poor older sister was only 18 when she got her first.

YANBU, ageing is a thing that puts us in touch with our own and others' mortality. My experience (I'm in my early 50s) is that angst about ageing has gone in waves. It hit me very badly when I was about your age, and suddenly became aware that I wasn't young any more, and lots of options were increasingly closed to me. I wasn't a youngster just starting out with the world as my oyster, and my parents were becoming the older generation (my mum died around that time too). For about a year I found myself having bouts of sadness about getting old. That then got taken over by feeling much more sure of myself and less worried about the future/what others thought of me than in my 20s and early 30s. Late 30s and early 40s were great, but then I had another wave of sadness in my mid-40s. That too came to an end, and so far, I'd say on balance my 50s are a blast. Stay with it, OP, you're not BU and this phase is likely to pass.

58 and loving it. Loving it. OP, just keep going, it gets better and better.