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Original poster

To find getting older so incredibly sad

418 replies

GrillPanEddy · 07/01/2016 19:51

All of a sudden I feel old. I'm 35 which I know is by no means ancient but physically I'm starting to feel it - little aches and niggles, grey hairs, wrinkles, sagging. Nothing that major but it just keeps dawning on me that I'm getting older.

I bump into people I used to know in my teens and think "fuck they look old".

Looking at my parents getting older breaks my heart. My dad in particular - late 60s and getting grumpy, a bit lazy, a bit slow, a bit out of touch with what's going on. He used to be so lively and in the know about everything.

I feel like my time, my family's time is a all so bloody short. Life is running away from us and making us old in the process. Time goes sooooo quickly these days, the years are merging into each other.

I don't want to get old and don't want others around me to get old. I don't want to see my lovely DH get old.

I don't want to deteriorate mentally or physically but kind of think I've hit my peak without even realizing and it's just age age age from here on in.

Makes me so sad. Feels like a ridiculously unfair part of life. Though I also get how ridiculous that sounds too.

OP posts:
minipie · 07/01/2016 20:54

I'm 35 and feel fairly ancient. I don't look all that great either.

But, I think this is more to do with having two small non sleeping children than my age. I see women in their 40s who look better and fitter than me, I think because their children are older.

I fully expect to look and feel a lot younger in 2 or 3 years' time when they please god both sleep through most nights and I have time to go to the gym and hairdressers a bit more regularly.

OP how old are your children?

Radiatorvalves · 07/01/2016 20:54

I'm almost 45 and feel pretty good about myself...the odd sprout on the chin notwithstanding. Highlights help! Biggest shock I've had was unexpectedly having a hip replacement at 41. That made me feel old....but 4 years on I cycle about 50 miles a week and recently skied about 50km a day.

My mum died in her fifties (smoked a lot - cancer- what a waste) and now my dad is slowing up (mid 70s). That is sad.

specialsubject · 07/01/2016 20:56

youth, they say, is wasted on the young...

worrying about grey hairs, sagging and wrinkles - jeez. Burn every sleb magazine, stop watching shrieky talentless shows, put down the i-brick and look at REAL people.

you are all bigger and smarter than to be influenced by the media. Aren't you?

Radiatorvalves · 07/01/2016 20:56

Minipie - I was you at 35. I looked shocking aged 35/6 just after number 2 arrived. I now have a bit more time and a lot more money to go to haurdresser!

Haggisfish · 07/01/2016 20:57

I feel like this too op. My dc are 5 & 3 and I just want to be with them forever!! I do feel grateful to be here and am not moaning about getting older-it's more of an melancholia about it. There are great parts, too-I'm much more confident and becoming much more of an active, vocal feminist.

TheSecondViola · 07/01/2016 20:57

35? You're a child.

You know whats MUCH sadder than getting old? NOT getting old. Neither of my parents made it past their mid 50's. I expect they wouldn't have been sad about getting older.
I don't expect to get old. I'd be delighted to though.

Aging isn't the unfair part of life. Not aging is.

Cheerfulmarybrown · 07/01/2016 20:58

YADBU. I am really old compared to some of you (50!) but it is fantastic.

I am fitter than I have ever been. I am the smallest size I have every been. I have had more years to get fit and toned than a youngster!

I know what clothes and looks suit me so shopping is a pleasure I do not have to stick to high fashion.

I have more money than I have ever had (mortgage paid off)

I have wonderful DC's who are now pretty much independent but still very much in my life but more for fun things rather than making pack lunches, or having to go to soft play centres :)

I have more of my own time to do what I want to do.

I have fully understood that No is a sentence and can do what I want not what I feel I ought.

I honestly right now would not go back to my 30's if you paid me :)

ithinkthereforeiam · 07/01/2016 20:58

I found it very difficult turning 35. It was a shock. Everyone talks about 30 and 40 as being big significant birthdays but actually 35 hit me the most. I'm early 40s now and got over it but I can empathise with how you are feeling.

minipie · 07/01/2016 20:59

I do feel scared of age 75+. I've seen my two grannies gradually deteriorate health wise after their late 70s. Living to their 90s is great in theory but each year more bits stop working and their lives become more restricted and painful Sad. I don't want to spend several years housebound.

That's a bit different to a few wrinkles in my 30s though...

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 07/01/2016 20:59

It can be tough, especially living in a youth obsessed culture as we do. I'm sort of enjoying the passing of my life, each new phase, but then I'm younger than you OP. The way I try to see it, regarding age, is that you either get there or you don't. I prefer Option A.

LillianGish · 07/01/2016 21:00

You need to get a grip. You will never again be as young as you are today. Make the most of it. Ten years from now you will look back and think how young you were now. No one gets younger - you have one life and you have to live it to the full not spend your life looking back and wanting to turn back the clock. If you don't like the way you look then do something about it - make sure you always look as good as you possibly can. In years to come you will look at a photos of how you look now and wish you could look like that again. Embrace every stage of life - you are 35 for goodness sake. The only alternative to not getting older is death.

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/01/2016 21:00

I am a bit surprised you feel like that at 35 to be honest! I am 46, coming up 47 with a four year old and a 17 year old who ages me more than anything and I feel fitter and stronger than I have for a long time and think I look better than I did in my 30's am probably deluded.

Try not to dwell, eat well, exercise, take care of your skin. I am sure you look nowhere near as aged as you feel! Smile

minipie · 07/01/2016 21:00

radiator thanks that's encouraging! Smile

FlatOnTheHill · 07/01/2016 21:01

Some poor sods dont have the privilege of making old bones.

Harriedharriet · 07/01/2016 21:04

Life gives with one hand and and life takes with the other. It has been my experience that with every "era" there have been some great new positives and positives from the era just past that I am sad to say goodbye to.
Aging requires generosity. We all need to "vacate the space" and let others fly the flag for a while.
The process of change can be hard though!

AnyFucker · 07/01/2016 21:04

well, I don't fancy the alternative

Kintan · 07/01/2016 21:06

I wonder if these niggles, aches etc could be improved with a change in diet, life-style etc. Agree with all the posters though who say getting older is a privilege. A few years ago a close friend of mine suddenly died aged 31. They had so many plans for the future they never got to carryout.

TracyBarlow · 07/01/2016 21:08

I'm also 35 and have suddenly started feeling exactly the same as you OP Having children just seems to have sped things up. My eldest started school this year and it seems like a blink of an eye since I brought him home from hospital. It feels like the time is just slipping away. In my head I'm about 24 and have just left uni. In reality, it's 15 years since I left.

I'm hoping my fear will improve when the kids sleep better and I have more time for myself. At the moment, I can barely remember anything from the past five years due to severe sleep deprivation.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/01/2016 21:09

Get yourself to the GP for a blood test, look at your diet and your lifestyle.

I'm 47 and feel fantastic.

You shouldn't be aching, feeling 'old' and that life is passing you by.

Mouseinahole · 07/01/2016 21:09

In my early 70s I am beginning to feel my age a bit. I can't walk as far as I did, I wear a hearing aid and I get tired quite early in the evening.
35? You are so young, you have the most exciting times to come. Enjoy them :)

Missyaggravation · 07/01/2016 21:11

I do get it, although at 34 I don't feel like a real grown up even now. Both of my parents died before I was 27. When my mum died I really did go off the rails depression wise.

Bunbaker · 07/01/2016 21:13

If you feel like that at 35 heaven help you.

At 35 I had a career change and hadn't even had children. You are young still.

At 35, unless you have medical issues or small children you shouldn't look or feel old. Given that our life expectancy is about 77 years you will feel old for more than 40 years. Get a grip.

I am 57 and don't get these aches and pains you talk about. I can run up stairs easily, walk fast and cycle several miles.

cupcakesandwine · 07/01/2016 21:13

I remember being 36 and fretting that I was too old to have children. I felt it was all downhill from here. 18 years and three children later I am more comfortable in my own skin that I have ever been (could stand to lose some weight but that is for me, nobody else). I think age and maturity bring you a certain "this is me and I am happy with who I am so fuck off to the far side of fuck if you don't like it because I won't be changing" which would be wasted on younger women Grin

Missyaggravation · 07/01/2016 21:14

I don't physically feel old at all, have had grey hairs since I was 12 tbh, never had a great body or face to maintain lol.

MadamCroquette · 07/01/2016 21:15

Like some PPs I was worried about this in my 30s, now in my 40s it's less frightening. I feel like there's a whole new me waiting to emerge when kids are older and I have more freedom and time. I'm less bothered about things like wrinkles and grey hairs – though I still love clothes and care about how I look, I don't see "youthfulness" as a vital part of that look IYSWIM.

I don't think getting old or being old is in itself a bad or tragic thing –yes aches and pains, illnesses, immobility and so on are, but being older could be great. I hope to make the most of it by staying fit and being creative as long as I can.

Ideally, I hope my late 50s-70s, if I'm lucky enough to have them, will be like my youth – free to do what I like, potter round the shops, spend all weekend sewing a dress, go to an all night jazz bar and get up at 4pm the next day, head off on a foreign trip on a whim... but with more money and while giving less of a shit what people think.

I think your 30s can be hard especially if you have babies around then and you just feel wrecked and exhausted and your life feels over. But it picks up again.