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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think about trying to book a wedding venue as a 'party' rather than wedding? Does it actually work?

189 replies

Ciabattavonbreadsticks · 05/01/2016 22:54

Ok, not actually thinking about doing this at the moment but just curious.

I've seen this advise several times, when booking a venue for a wedding people suggest booking it as a 'party' or a 'function' rather than mentioning a wedding as that tends to triple the price.

But does this actually work? Wouldn't the venue notice when you all turn up in wedding stuff? Wouldn't they be annoyed and just charge you the difference after the day?

It is very frustrating as the beautiful venue I have my eye on is £1500 for the day/time I have in mind but only £675 for the same day/time for a 'function'.

I'd also feel a bit bad, like I was doing the venue out of money but wibu to consider it? Has anyone else done this successfully? Or unsuccessfully?

OP posts:
GarlicCake · 07/01/2016 13:08

Well, I did say "Not speaking on OP's behalf, but about my own wedding", Asskicker. And I completely understand why you opted out of all the pzazz!

I think your approach was perfect, Dory. You bought the event you wanted, not somebody else's idea of a wedding :)

Ciabatta, you need to decide whether what you want is a magazine wedding on the cheap or an event of your own creation, which is not a magazine wedding. Start from there.

JustCallMeDory · 07/01/2016 13:17

Also suggest, as others have done, making as much use of friends and family as possible. It's not just cheaper, it makes it so much more memorable and personal.

The more good friends and family have helped, the more fun and relaxed it is for everyone. Like Garlic Cake friends are still regularly bring up our wedding 10+ years later as the best they've been to.

I also think it helps the venue / caterers / whoever get out of 'wedding mode' and start thinking about more creatively about what you might actually want for YOUR party.

Asskicker · 07/01/2016 13:20

Honestly I don't think they could do anything. If they do pick you up on it you could say it's a wedding celebration as pp have said.

she is having the ceremony, day and evening parties there.

How exactly can you say that's a wedding celebration. It's a wedding.

noeffingidea · 07/01/2016 13:20

You're not doing the venue out of any money if you turn up after the wedding and have a party, and only receive that service,are you? Why do guests need 'directing' during a wedding,but not for a party? Does listening to someones wedding vows make people lose their sense of direction or something?

noeffingidea · 07/01/2016 13:22

Sorry, Asskicker, didn't see your post. Agreed, the ceremony is a bit of a give away.

JustCallMeDory · 07/01/2016 13:23

X-posts garlic Smile

Sounds as though we had the same idea about a wedding being a personal thing, not an off-the-peg event.

A friend of my mothers loved arranging wild flowers - decorated the church for us and it looked gorgeous. A friend of DH's who owns a very posh car offered to be our chauffeur for the day (frankly, I'd have gone in a 20 year old ford fiesta - but this was much more fun) and MIL made the cake - IIH not decorated to professional standards, but so much more lovely because she'd made it for us.

A good friend of mine DJd - all the songs were ones he knew I'd love and the dancefloor was packed all evening.

10+ years later friends still bring our wedding up and say it was the best ever, apart from their own. I think it's down to the fact that it wasn't off-the-peg and that lots of friends and family had done lovely things to help.

JustCallMeDory · 07/01/2016 13:27

Blush didn't mean to say the same thing twice

Asskicker · 07/01/2016 13:28

Op says they usually charge £675 for a function.

A normal function would take the day or evening part. Leaving the other part of the day free to sell.

So the wedding is both the day and evening bookings

2 X £675 = £1350

Plus use of the room and the fact that the place has to be licensed for weddings and the staff needed on hand easily comes to £1500.

It's not the fact that thy randomly charge more for a wedding. It's the price for taking the venue all day in a prime date in spring/summer.

The op says they do 2 slots for functions. One running until 5pm one running from 5pm. But if the hotel has taken a booking from 5pm, they will tell someone booking a day do they must be gone by 4pm. Gives them time to clear the room and allow setting up for a new function.

The op is being asked to pay for taking both slots and the ceremony. I don't really see how anyone can think they are being ripped off just because it's a wedding.

Asskicker · 07/01/2016 13:31

Does listening to someones wedding vows make people lose their sense of direction or something?

No but you would surprised where people wander off to while photos are being taken. Or when they arrive and grab a drink waiting for the ceremony to start.

If the OP was just having and evening do, as a chilled out relaxed wedding celebration not in a peak date, I would totally get where she was coming from.

She needs to compromise somewhere

photographybyeddie · 07/01/2016 13:33

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unimaginativename13 · 07/01/2016 13:35

Sorry but who would hire a whole venue for a whole day, have a sit down meal and DJ and Buffett etc for a family reunion??

The comparison is hire a venue for a party (possibly a few hours etc) as oppose to a wedding ceremony and reception with bells and whistles.

I hate it when people don't use relevanant comparisons

GarlicCake · 07/01/2016 13:39

you would surprised where people wander off to while photos are being taken - Yep, this is why I didn't want 'wedding photography'. It bores the pants off the wedding party, never mind the rest of the guests! You can get a friend to take a few shots of you with the in-laws & attendants after the reception's started. Everyone else will cover the ongoing activity anyway, just ask them to upload to your page.

JustCallMeDory · 07/01/2016 13:48

Sorry but who would hire a whole venue for a whole day, have a sit down meal and DJ and Buffett etc for a family reunion??

If you had family members flying in from all over the world (as we did for our wedding) for a family reunion, of course you'd want a sit down meal as well as a party - as well as one or two night's accommodation at the venue.

It's an utterly relevant comparison.

unimaginativename13 · 07/01/2016 13:57

You would basically host a fake wedding day for a family reunion?

JustCallMeDory · 07/01/2016 13:58

You would basically host a fake wedding day for a family reunion? Confused

Asskicker · 07/01/2016 14:07

Yep, this is why I didn't want 'wedding photography'. It bores the pants off the wedding party,

Definitely, dhs uncle did ours we had about 5 posed ones rest just snaps of the day.

And we made the cake....chocolate brownie!

merrymouse · 07/01/2016 14:14

You can't get married without telling the venue that a wedding will be taking place, and, from a business point of view, they might agree to lower the price if you really are just having a party afterwards with none of the associated wedding rigmarole, but only if they can't rent the venue to anyone else.

merrymouse · 07/01/2016 14:23

I think your main problem is that a licensed venue will have set itself up for weddings and will have budgeted accordingly. Rooms will have been decorated and staff hired to attract people who are willing to pay for a wedding.

The only reason they would allow you a discount would be if they didn't think they could sell the booking to anyone else.

unimaginativename13 · 07/01/2016 14:26

Making your own cake or taking your own pics is not a comparison!!

That's like say I saved money on that venue by having it in my backgarden.

What the post is about having the same venue at a cheaper price.

So like having the same photgrapher but cheaper.

blaeberry · 07/01/2016 14:45

This reminds me of an acquaintance who got married at a big popular 'wedding church'. One of the suppliers held them to ransom on the day and demanded more money (just trying his luck, nothing was hidden/lied about). My acquaintance (groom) is actually the vicar of the 'wedding' church and warned all future couples about this supplier who lost a lot of business that day.

GarlicCake · 07/01/2016 15:21

Yes, unimaginative, this is why so many of us have said Ciabatta needs to be more clear-cut about what she wants to achieve. If you're still here, OP - your list was a bit six-of-one and half-a-dozen-of-the-other.

That isn't to say you can't have it! Until you've talked to your preferred venue about getting a price for their package with bits knocked off, you won't know.

But, if their computer says no, that will be the moment to begin listing exactly what you do want.

Hiddlesnake · 07/01/2016 19:26

I do think you will struggle to cut a deal on a wedding/family party in a nice venue, on a beach, on a saturday, in the summer. They will not be keen to negotiate when they probably have to turn down bookings at prime times. They charge what they do because people will pay it.

It's like comparing a 3 bed semi in Barnes with a 3 bed semi in Barnsley. People charge £1.5m in Barnes because that's what the market will pay.

TheGoldenApplesOfTheSun · 07/01/2016 19:33

Re difference in ethics - because there's no need for a florist, hairdresser, cake shop to know the details of the event they are providing for, as long as they are happy to provide a given item at a given price. I'd be a bit ticked off if for example an identical cake in the shop window would be priced differently for me depending on if I said the magic 'wedding' word or if I said it was for an anniversary/birthday/etc. Presumably the bakery/dress shop/florist are happy to sell things at a particular price, it's not as if you would be robbing them. So long as you do indeed want a basic straightforward haircut, I also don't see anything wrong with not telling the hairdresser you're getting married if a basic trim is all you want - it makes no difference to them and shouldn't change the service they provide. Caveat is of course that if you do this there is absolutely no room to be Bridezilla (asking people to redo things, complaining etc). You take normal items at a normal price and don't behave weirdly about it. So far as I can tell, wedding prices for regular services eg haircut buy you extra fanciness but also extra insurance against problems, expectation of more fuss over you and perfectionism etc.

TheGoldenApplesOfTheSun · 07/01/2016 19:37

There's a great article on Offbeat Bride about this very dilemma: offbeatbride.com/2010/06/should-you-lie-to-vendors-about-your-wedding

merrymouse · 07/01/2016 19:54

The main stumbling block to not telling a venue that you are going to get married there is the legal obligation to give notice of the place where you are going to get married.

You can hide the wedding from your entire family, but you really can't hide it from the people who own the venue.

If you don't inform the venue of your intended ceremony, you will indeed be having just a big party as there will be no wedding.