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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend being a dick about my DD's birthday

403 replies

DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 19:58

Am I being all pfb?
Known a couple for 15 years - we're all close, went to uni together, see each other loads as a four, they live 5 mins away.
We have a DD who turns one next week.
They're planning a family but both of them have hectic social lives and on NYE said that they can't bring themselves to ttc as they'd miss their independence but will have kids at some point. have mentioned this to avoid backlash of 'maybe they're having fertility issues', they're not
Since DD was born we have seen them a lot less for obvious reasons. We often invite for dinner at our house or have met individually - so I'd do lunch with the wife and DH might play squash with the husband, but they're really not child friendly- on the few occasions my DD has been there, the husband has completely ignored her existence and the wife has done some obligatory cooing but obviously isn't that bothered. This is fine with us - we get that pre kids, life is about drinking, lie ins and nice holidays and we definitely don't expect our DD to be centre of attention.

So..next weekend were having a really low key tea and cakes birthday thing at our house.
I just made a whatsapp group and added the couple and said 'no offense will be taken if you'd rather not but you're welcome to pop in for a cuppa and cake at any point. I honestly do not mind if you don't fancy it'
The husband replied 'this sounds shit' and then I got notification that 'husband has left group'

Now, I get they're not into kids but AIBU to be miffed at his rudeness? Half of me thinks it's funny- we have a very banterful relationship and it could be just that but ffs, he could have just said he was busy or ignored it??

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 02/01/2016 20:34

My face looks like Shock Id tell him to fuck right off. They would be ex friends. What an immature little wank sock.

ProjectPerfect · 02/01/2016 20:34

I'd guess poor banter given the standing joke between you but leaving the group immediately after makes no sense.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 02/01/2016 20:35

I'd pull him up on it.

ClumsyFool · 02/01/2016 20:36

I don't see anything wrong with that invite either. I'm the only one in a very close group of friends that doesn't yet have children, I get invited in much the same way because they want me to know I'm welcome but at the same time they get that it might not be something I fancy. To be fair, if I'm not at work I pop by for a coffee, drop off a present and catch up with my friends and play with the kids, but I know that any of them wouldn't be annoyed if I didn't go either. Nothing passive aggressive about an invite like that at all.

HesterShaw · 02/01/2016 20:36

Fuck! That's so rude as to be almost funny :o

Maybe this friendship has run its course.

Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 20:36

Oh and for the people questioning the validity of his response:

Friend being a dick about my DD's birthday
OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 02/01/2016 20:36

Looked like a polite invite to me, and you are giving them a get-out if they want one.
Rude reply - wonder if he meant the invite sounded shit, or the do sounded shit?
Either way, ruuuuuuude.

Italiangreyhound · 02/01/2016 20:36

I think your invite was totally polite and not a bit rude at all. You were saying they were welcome but that it was possibly not their type of thing (based on your own experience of them) but not spelling it out. So your invite was spot on. I would personally ask him why it was 'shit'!!

BingoBonkers · 02/01/2016 20:37

I wouldn't have put in the bit about "probably not your thing/ understand if you don't fancy it" either way his ermmmmm banter is rude.

neepsandtatties · 02/01/2016 20:37

I don't know how whatsapp works (old gimmer) but if all the other invited guests (parents) were copied in to that message to the two childless ones, then yes, it is a bit passive aggressive/rude. But if it only went to them, and they acknowledge they don't like children, then it is perfectly fine and considerate.

FundraisingPTABitch · 02/01/2016 20:37

anger issues.

RudeElf · 02/01/2016 20:37

My first thought was that his "this sounds shit" post was meant for his wife. I'm going to guess he took a screen shot of your message and intended to send it to her saying "this sounds shit" but forgot to actually leave the group chat and open his chat with her. This has happened to friends of mine with some really funny and not so funny consequences.

Jacksterbear · 02/01/2016 20:38

I don't think the invitation was rude at all. His reply was though. I can only think it wasn't meant to be a reply to you; that he meant to comment separately to his own DW but accidentally sent it to you:the whole group? Maybe then leaving the group in mortification when he realised what he'd done?

CocktailQueen · 02/01/2016 20:38

He was very rude. Your invite was fine. What an arse! Even if he doesn't like kids or whatever, there is no excuse for tht sort of twattery and rudeness.

Jacksterbear · 02/01/2016 20:39

X-post with RudeElf!

doitanyways · 02/01/2016 20:39

Your invite just sounded to me like there was no pressure and you shouldn't have had to take a screen shot for those casting doubts Hmm

Enkopkaffetak · 02/01/2016 20:39

Moonriver even if you are the wife (interesting your on mn and has been for some time then I will say) However even if you are and your suggested set of words happened. I would still say it was rude.

I am another one who would see it as a no pressure invitation but from someone who actually would like the couple there as they are good friends. However utterly know and understand they are not really "into children" (for what ever reason that may be)

NeverNic · 02/01/2016 20:39

I get banter, but leaving the group would indicate not. I think he's being an arse. I also don't think any conceiving issues are an excuse for being this hurtful. Even if they are having problems a real friend would still bluff their way through.

MrsJayy · 02/01/2016 20:40

Wow was he drunk and typed out loud tbh your babies birthday doesnt mean much to them obviously but fgs how rude. Friendships change when you have babies childless people are not that fussed about babies I would confront him about it though.

RudeElf · 02/01/2016 20:40

Was it only him and his wife in the group? Doesnt look like many names in the top bar.

Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 20:40

The invite went to two sets of friends- one with a kid who also says bday parties are boring and to be tolerated and to the aforementioned couple. I'm very close to both and I I know neither party would find this offensive. His 'this sounds shit' comment is definitely aimed at the party itself. Like I said, I don't mind that he doesn't fancy it, my 'AIBU' is about finding his style of decline rude.

OP posts:
HesterShaw · 02/01/2016 20:41

(and I say that as a person who would rather stick pins in her eyes than attend a 1 year old's birthday party, or a baby shower or anything of that nature)

MrsJayy · 02/01/2016 20:42

Not always i meant

BastardGoDarkly · 02/01/2016 20:42

Your invite was fine, he's been a twat, and yes, I'd send him a message saying... I knew you might not want to come, but was the rudeness really necessary? There were other people in that group, and you made me look and feel shit, well?

Mooshbag · 02/01/2016 20:42

Your invitation was perfectly polite.