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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend being a dick about my DD's birthday

403 replies

DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 19:58

Am I being all pfb?
Known a couple for 15 years - we're all close, went to uni together, see each other loads as a four, they live 5 mins away.
We have a DD who turns one next week.
They're planning a family but both of them have hectic social lives and on NYE said that they can't bring themselves to ttc as they'd miss their independence but will have kids at some point. have mentioned this to avoid backlash of 'maybe they're having fertility issues', they're not
Since DD was born we have seen them a lot less for obvious reasons. We often invite for dinner at our house or have met individually - so I'd do lunch with the wife and DH might play squash with the husband, but they're really not child friendly- on the few occasions my DD has been there, the husband has completely ignored her existence and the wife has done some obligatory cooing but obviously isn't that bothered. This is fine with us - we get that pre kids, life is about drinking, lie ins and nice holidays and we definitely don't expect our DD to be centre of attention.

So..next weekend were having a really low key tea and cakes birthday thing at our house.
I just made a whatsapp group and added the couple and said 'no offense will be taken if you'd rather not but you're welcome to pop in for a cuppa and cake at any point. I honestly do not mind if you don't fancy it'
The husband replied 'this sounds shit' and then I got notification that 'husband has left group'

Now, I get they're not into kids but AIBU to be miffed at his rudeness? Half of me thinks it's funny- we have a very banterful relationship and it could be just that but ffs, he could have just said he was busy or ignored it??

OP posts:

doitanyways · 02/01/2016 20:13

Invite sounded perfectly polite to me?

Pumpkinpositive · 02/01/2016 20:13

No way did he say that. Why don't posters just say what was actually said rather than exaggerate or embellish? So irritating.

Are you the husband, Moonriver? Or the wife?

CombineBananaFister · 02/01/2016 20:14

Well you know the boundaries of your banter but it seems rude to me. While I accept friends pre=kids might not be interested in your children if they don''t have them, it doesn't mean they shouldn't accept your circumstances now if they are good friends? friends can have all different interests and comittments but they should be able to accept each others if they are good friends surely?

ChickadeeChick · 02/01/2016 20:14

Toffee I was thinking that the invitation was a bit weird almost like the OP didn't want them to come anyway? There was no need for his response though and I wouldn't be inviting either of them anywhere again. Rude twat.

Mooshbag · 02/01/2016 20:14

Moon how would you know? Why did he leave the group if he was joking?

toastedbeagle · 02/01/2016 20:14

I'd be offended too. Really no need for it!

DontMindMe1 · 02/01/2016 20:15

I just made a whatsapp group and added the couple and said 'no offense will be taken if you'd rather not but you're welcome to pop in for a cuppa and cake at any point. I honestly do not mind if you don't fancy it'

If i - as a childfree adult amongst a group of parents- received this as an invite i'd be thinking 'wow! passive aggressive or what?!' Not just in relation to a 1yr old's party but to any party.

why did you assume that they wouldn't be able to attend or wouldn't 'fancy' it? why would you single them out like that? other parents might not be able to attend either but you've made it sound like only they would have an issue. You've made it sound passive aggressive, and like you don't really want them there - but are extending the invite out of politeness. i doubt you meant it like that but that's how it comes across.

your friends dh's response was a lot politer than mine would have been.

Bakeoffcake · 02/01/2016 20:15

I think moon is a psychic. It's the only explanation.

figureofspeech · 02/01/2016 20:15

Rude thing to say even if it was a banter gone wrong. He could have said no thanks and left it at that. Some people like to goad and create drama for no good reason.

Mooshbag · 02/01/2016 20:15

I would see it as a 'no pressure' invite...

hadtoregregister · 02/01/2016 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moonriver1 · 02/01/2016 20:16

Yes I am the wife.

waxweasel · 02/01/2016 20:16

I have some old friends from uni who are a gang of lads that I have a lot of banter with and who take the piss mercilessly. There are one or two of them who I can imagine possibly saying something like that - for example, when we recently announced I was pg with DC2, one of them asked if I was going to find out the sex, then said 'ah, so if it's another girl you'll get rid then?'. They thought banter. I thought absolute wanker and walked off. I won't be having much to do with him now. Your friend sounds similarly charming

Cheesybaps · 02/01/2016 20:16

Is his wife still on the group? I'd comment something like "wow, that's rude" so she could see your immediate response!

Bakeoffcake · 02/01/2016 20:16

I also think the invite to the couple sounded like you didn't really want them there.

Alicewasinwonderland · 02/01/2016 20:17

it's just rude. How was that even remotely funny?

It's unnecessary and possibly very hurtful. You can decline an invitation without being a dick.

What's wrong with the invitation? A perfectly nice parent who understand that others are possibly not that bothered about a 1 year old party. Where was the OP rude? I don't get it.

AntiHop · 02/01/2016 20:17

I think your invitation was perfectly reasonable and allowed them to easily say no thanks. His response was uncalled for.

Bakeoffcake · 02/01/2016 20:18

This is going weird.

Fourormore · 02/01/2016 20:18

Moon, if you are the wife then surely you know what he said rather than "I don't believe you. I think he said something like..." ?

Optimist1 · 02/01/2016 20:18

You set up a Whatsapp group for the birthday party? I can understand why he decided he didn't want to be a member of that group, but he was a bit blunt in his reply.

Original poster

DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 20:19

Gosh, mixed response!
As I said, we're really close and it's a running joke that he dislikes kids, we have a joke about it. He attended a relative's first birthday party last year and said it was excruciating, hence my 'passive aggressive' invite. I sincerely didn't want them to feel they should come but didn't want them hearing about it and thinking we hadn't invited them, that's all.

OP posts:

goodnightdarthvader1 · 02/01/2016 20:20

I have a childfree friend who has turned into a total dick since I got pregnant. You can't save all friendships, sadly. Some people just have massive sticks up their asses.

MrsCampbellBlack · 02/01/2016 20:20

Is 'Jesus sounds like a shit night' more polite then?

Scarydinosaurs · 02/01/2016 20:22

don't mind that's interesting, as I read that as "I don't want to sound over enthusiastic in case you don't come, but I'd like you to come. I'm aware children's parties aren't at the top of your wow I want to do that list".

moon what a weird post. How do you know they didn't say that, and why do you think your alternative was any nicer??

He sounds rude. I wouldn't worry about it, but I wouldn't invite him to anything again.

mrssmith79 · 02/01/2016 20:22

The reply seems in context with the running joke.
Your invitation however sounds simpering and a bit ridiculous.

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