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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend being a dick about my DD's birthday

403 replies

DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 19:58

Am I being all pfb?
Known a couple for 15 years - we're all close, went to uni together, see each other loads as a four, they live 5 mins away.
We have a DD who turns one next week.
They're planning a family but both of them have hectic social lives and on NYE said that they can't bring themselves to ttc as they'd miss their independence but will have kids at some point. have mentioned this to avoid backlash of 'maybe they're having fertility issues', they're not
Since DD was born we have seen them a lot less for obvious reasons. We often invite for dinner at our house or have met individually - so I'd do lunch with the wife and DH might play squash with the husband, but they're really not child friendly- on the few occasions my DD has been there, the husband has completely ignored her existence and the wife has done some obligatory cooing but obviously isn't that bothered. This is fine with us - we get that pre kids, life is about drinking, lie ins and nice holidays and we definitely don't expect our DD to be centre of attention.

So..next weekend were having a really low key tea and cakes birthday thing at our house.
I just made a whatsapp group and added the couple and said 'no offense will be taken if you'd rather not but you're welcome to pop in for a cuppa and cake at any point. I honestly do not mind if you don't fancy it'
The husband replied 'this sounds shit' and then I got notification that 'husband has left group'

Now, I get they're not into kids but AIBU to be miffed at his rudeness? Half of me thinks it's funny- we have a very banterful relationship and it could be just that but ffs, he could have just said he was busy or ignored it??

OP posts:
DakotaFanny · 02/01/2016 20:22
Shock
QOD · 02/01/2016 20:22

With friends like that, you're well shot

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/01/2016 20:23

Very rude. Bantering face to face is one thing as you can establish if there's any intended malice via tones and facial expressions, but if its written down there's no way of knowing people intentions.

cowssheephens · 02/01/2016 20:23

He sounds vile!

Hellofromtheotherside7 · 02/01/2016 20:23

That is so rude! It's a lovely invite and as someone without kids I would appreciate the relaxed tone

PurpleDaisies · 02/01/2016 20:24

If you have a running joke about him not liking children, isn't it likely that this is a joke that's misfired? It seems incredibly unlikely that someone who has previously been a good friend would suddenly write something so rude out of the blue.

DangerMouth · 02/01/2016 20:24

Really moon? place marking really in case thread kicks off

Oswin · 02/01/2016 20:24

Moon how the feck is that any better? Still bloody rude.

jorahmormont · 02/01/2016 20:25

Don't mind me I'm just grabbing my popcorn and place-marking...

VagueIdeas · 02/01/2016 20:25

Sounds like the husband really dislikes children, and is one of those types who really needs other people to know exactly how much they dislike children. I know one of those. It's quite tedious.

I mean yeah, I can see why it sounds like a shitty social event to him, but there's no need to say it out loud. Knob.

Youarentkiddingme · 02/01/2016 20:25

The message you sent was dubiously carefree but the reply was totally unnecessarily rude.

I'd suggest in future something like: ^Dd birthday on X day. We are having an open house. All welcome for tea and cake between X and y time if your free^

I'm in a large family with umpteen cousins and we do FB private groups for events. This is always the tone because out of 60 people only half max will be able to attend. Then people either click coming, no or maybe and only 1 or 2 will comment.

Mooshbag · 02/01/2016 20:26

That's how I read it Scary

llhj · 02/01/2016 20:26

It's more telling that henleftbthe group. How many ways can you interpret that?

FiveGoMadInDorset · 02/01/2016 20:26

Just curious, bearing in mind that they ignore your daughter, why did you feel the need to invite them in the first place?

neepsandtatties · 02/01/2016 20:26

Misfired banter, considering it is a running joke between you. Just have a laugh about it next time you see him.

Moon, are you really the wife?!

justkeepongoing · 02/01/2016 20:26

Ouch....of all the bars in all the world!

TendonQueen · 02/01/2016 20:28

What a dick. Politeness costs nothing. Agree with VagueIdeas that he sounds like the kind of tedious tosser who likes to keep reminding people that he's engaged in far higher things than the banalities of having children.

Bakeoffcake · 02/01/2016 20:29

PurpleDaisies
"If you have a running joke about him not liking children, isn't it likely that this is a joke that's misfired? It seems incredibly unlikely that someone who has previously been a good friend would suddenly write something so rude out of the blue"

This 100%.

Withgraceinmyheart · 02/01/2016 20:29

That's very rude. I'd be upset.

If it's a joke gone wrong he won't mind apologising when he finds out you took it seriously. Banter is all well and good but it has limits.

Your invite was fine. On the offchance he was offended by it, you can easily apologise and explain your intentions.

Either way he's rude.

Pipistrella · 02/01/2016 20:29

Oh gosh.

Italiangreyhound · 02/01/2016 20:30

YANBU, that is totally rude. How sad.

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf · 02/01/2016 20:31

Just accept your lives are going in different directions. These people really aren't going to benefit your life in any way.

BadgersNadgers · 02/01/2016 20:32

I think the invite was a bit offhand but his reply was very unnecessary. Do you think he's drunk?

Pipestheghost · 02/01/2016 20:33

Shock place marking

Original poster
DrMum83 · 02/01/2016 20:33

I just don't get why my invite was rude?? I was trying to make it relaxed and recognize it may be tedious for them.
Wife hasn't read the message but she is always saying she's embarrassed of her DH's rudeness so I'm sure she'll pull him up on it. The question is, do I? I may then be excused of turning into a soft sap since having a kid

OP posts:
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