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MNHQ have commented on this thread

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MNHQ have commented on this thread

AIBU?

to not want my fil to stay over on new years eve

384 replies

chocoholic05 · 30/12/2015 20:12

My mil died earlier on in the year. My dh wants to invite my fil to stay tomorrow night and into new years day. In fact despite endless discussions with dh from a conversation with fil today it seems he has. I don't want him to. I would rather came for dinner on new years day and stay for tea as well. My reasons are we only have a small house so where would he sleep other than our living room? He never ever lies in no matter what time he goes to bed. He will bring his dog who is also an early riser. And he will expect us to get up. Alsothe dog smells really badly. I know that sounds horrible but it's absolutely true. Finally I like new year spent with my boys. Family games and dvds.He is only a ten minute drive away. But my dh said it's his first new year on his own.

OP posts:

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mumeeee · 30/12/2015 21:34

YABU. New years Eve can be very depressing if you are on your own. Your Fil needs his family around him especially on the first New Years Eve on his own. You should let him stay the night and not send him back to.an empty house.

honeyroar · 30/12/2015 21:34

I feel very sorry for your husband. He's worried about his dad and wanting him to be with his family but his wife can't put herself out even one night to be nice to him (without rules about lie ins and dogs). The fact that your FIL has accepted says he was worrying about feeling lonely. Otherwise he would go home.

If my husband left a grieving parent alone at New Year I'd look at him through different eyes.

thelouise · 30/12/2015 21:34

YABU, it's one night.

Buttons23 · 30/12/2015 21:35

I think it is really sad you don't want your lonely grieving fil to stay just so you can have a lie in. I could never imagine doing that. Besides its not just your decision, your oh clearly wants his father there. I would just let him stay and have a nap when he left if needed. It's one night

pudcat · 30/12/2015 21:36

I hope her reason for not coming back to this thread is because she is hanging her head in shame, and not because she thinks she is right.

Twitterqueen · 30/12/2015 21:36

l'm with everyone else OP. surely your boys can bunk up together for a night? Are you really saying you can't spare any time or space for your bereaved FIL? Truly you are a selfish, heartless human being.

GigiB · 30/12/2015 21:39

YABU. Why don't you just say to him you'd like a lie in on New Years day? Leave the breakfast things out for him? Doesn't really sound like you will be that put out.

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/12/2015 21:40

Look - I get why you are a bit disappointed your usual plans aren't going to happen.

My dad comes to me for Christmas every year. Yes, sometimes it would be nice for it to just be me, husband and (currently baby) daughter. But my dad would be all alone, all day, this would sully any enjoyment I would otherwise have had at having a quiet Christmas just the three of us. It would be cruel and unkind to my dad and I'd feel like a grade a wanker.

So I do the right thing and we have a lovely day together, it makes me happy that he goes home happy.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/12/2015 21:40

you are mean op

fil has lost his wife and dh his mum and will be a tough first ny without her and agree with the poster having to go back to a quiet empty home would be awful for him

bet it would be diff if it was your dad

let him kip on the sofa with his dog and dh/kids can get up and you can have your precious lie in if it means that much to you

or even go back to his house and you can have all the peace you want alone, while fil is with people who love and care about him, as sounds you dont

its one night!!!!

janethegirl2 · 30/12/2015 21:43

I know I'm a cow but if I didn't get enough sleep I'd kill someone the next day.
OP is there nowhere you could go at night so you can sleep undisturbed? Neighbour's, friends, family? Cos if I can't sleep I am exceedingly nasty the next day!!
Alternatively put in noise cancelling earphones?

scarlets · 30/12/2015 21:45

OP, you're within your rights to ask him not to wake you early (although given that he might not relish solitude at this tough time of year, your DH should perhaps get up with him) but otherwise please consider being as hospitable as possible. Next NYE will be less difficult for him.

FlatOnTheHill · 30/12/2015 21:46

This thread has really got my goat. Why are some people so bloody cruel.
OP you should be ashamed of yourself.

areyoubeingserviced · 30/12/2015 21:47

Sorry OP
I think that you are being mean and selfish.
Just hope the same doesn't happen to you in the future.

Supermanspants · 30/12/2015 21:50

Janet

Without enough sleep you are 'exceedingly nasty'. You would kill someone (of course you would)

Yes..... you have already made that clear. What is you point?

BifsWif · 30/12/2015 21:50

YABU. Massively so.

I speak from experience when I say the first new year after a loss is fucking horrendous. You're starting a new year without a loved one, when everyone else is excited and looking forward to a new year your leaving the year when you last had that loved one and starting your first full year without them.

You really should be ashamed that you can't put yourself out for one night.

areyoubeingserviced · 30/12/2015 21:52

I really hope that this is not real.
I dont want to believe that people can be so heartless.

BifsWif · 30/12/2015 21:53

And I agree with a previous poster, I found NYE that first year harder than Christmas, harder than the first birthday and harder than the first anniversary.

helennotsomadnow · 30/12/2015 21:53

this is not only about your fil its about your dh as well, its his first nye without his dm and Im guessing that he wants to be with his df, and does not want him to be alone

if you are so desperate for a lay in stay in bed, make your dh get up in the morning, its one night, but one night that to be alone can be absolutely soul destroying and very sad

TheSecondViola · 30/12/2015 21:55

Op try to imagine this; sometime in the future, your DH has died. Your son invites you to stay on new year, or whenever and you accept, but then your sons wife says your dog smells and she wants a lie in, so don't come.

Can you imagine how small and unimportant you would feel?

Apart from that, the invitation has already been extended and accepted and its tomorrow. Your opinion is now moot, its done. You'd be some weapon to take it back when its already done.

IamtheZombie · 30/12/2015 21:58

This thread has made Zombie . Very, very .

She's just glad her remaining family and friends were kind to her when her DH died.

janethegirl2 · 30/12/2015 21:59

superman it's the fact if I do not get enough sleep, I am very intolerant.
The OPs fil lives 10 minutes away. Why cannot he go home to sleep?
In this situation, I would find somewhere else for me to sleep so I would not be disturbed by man and his dog.
In my situation, I would beg a bed from a neighbour.

seven201 · 30/12/2015 22:01

Yabu. My Mum died last year and we were all really worried about my dad. We (sisters and I) all invited him to our houses and he would have gone but we all knew it wasn't what he'd want to do. In the end one of my sisters secretly rang one of his friends and asked if they'd invite him to theirs. He went and had a nice time. This year he's going to a New Year's Eve wedding which he's looking forward to. The thought of him say at home with a glass of wine on his own at midnight would break my heart. I personally spent last year in a pub bawling my eyes out. New Year's Eve isn't always a happy time, I think it's about being with those you love and honking about what has passed and what has come. It's a sad and happy time in a way. Surely your husband is not happy with your attitude? What if it were your mum or dad on your own? I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so harsh but I think you're being incredibly selfish. I'm not a dog fan so I do understand your dislike of having he smelly dog to stay. Make it clear that he's not to (intentionally) wake anyone up until after a certain time.

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seven201 · 30/12/2015 22:01

*thinking not honking!

seven201 · 30/12/2015 22:02

So many typos in my post, apologies!

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/12/2015 22:07

i agree the first ny with your beloved hubby/wife is hard :(

rem being in pub with friends 8mths after dh died, few tears and then walk home as couldnt get a taxi and back to what was our home and dh obv wasnt there :(

lots more tears :(

the first something is always hard

and yes i get grumpy without sleep, as we all do, but its one night, go to bed at 9pm nyd

i assume when your kids were young you didnt get sleep/had early mornings- you survived that, you will survive one night of less sleep

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