to not want my fil to stay over on new years eve

[chocoholic05]

My mil died earlier on in the year. My dh wants to invite my fil to stay tomorrow night and into new years day. In fact despite endless discussions with dh from a conversation with fil today it seems he has. I don't want him to. I would rather came for dinner on new years day and stay for tea as well. My reasons are we only have a small house so where would he sleep other than our living room? He never ever lies in no matter what time he goes to bed. He will bring his dog who is also an early riser. And he will expect us to get up. Alsothe dog smells really badly. I know that sounds horrible but it's absolutely true. Finally I like new year spent with my boys. Family games and dvds.He is only a ten minute drive away. But my dh said it's his first new year on his own.

[ShatnersBassoon]

I think emotionally supporting bereaved family is more important than a lie in and extra housework.

FIL wants some support, and your husband probably does too.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I think you're being unkind.

[DoomGloomAndKaboom]

ONE DAY you don't get a lie in.

I would put a notice on my bedroom door saying 'please do not disturb unless someone I care dearly about is on fire or bleeding or the house is about to explode'

Seriously - the onus is on your dh to get up with him so he isn't a) alone downstairs twiddling his thumbs and b) so he doesn't wake you all with a cuppa at 6am, but I think the rest of you should suck it up.

Maybe after the celebrations are over, as a pp said, he and dh could go back to fil's house so fil isn't alone on new year's day in the morning?

[littleleftie]

Sorry YABU - have a heart!

Tell FIL he MUST NOT WAKE YOU BEFORE whatever time you deem acceptable, and look forward to your cuppa in bed. Also tell him if he wakes the DC he will be looking after them alone - maybe he would like that? Then you and DH get a lie in and FIL gets company.

[DeloresDeSyn]

Yabu and a bit precious. It's one night!

[2gorgeousboys]

We lost my DFiL earlier this year and I know that the thing my DMiL is dreading is NYE. I'm not sure if it's the moving into the new year without him or that if feels like everyone else is celebrating but she is struggling more with NYE than Christmas. We don't have spare room either but DSS and DS1 will share and DS2 will sleep in our room and DMiL will have DS2s bed. It's not perfect but for this year it's about everyone getting through. Also DH wants to spend the night and morning with his DM,could it be similar for your DH that he wants to be with his DDad and doesn't want to think of him alone and waking up alone on NYD?

[Akire]

Surely you can say we have a cuppa when we get up so don't go to the bother! He may not be able to lay in but surely he can get himself cup of tea without waking the rest of the house at least until a sensible hour. That's not asking to much of an adult!

[Cloppysow]

YABU. Its one day. He's grieving.

[pudcat]

This has made me feel so sad. Your FIL has lost his wife. Your husband doesn't want him to start the new year on his own. Your husband has lost his mum. If it was your mum or dad how would you feel if your husband said they could not stay.

[Lostmyxmasspirit]

(biscuit)

[chocoholic05]

Why is it unkind? Surely coming for a roast dinner on new years day is better?

[Lostmyxmasspirit]

[DingleberryFinn]

If it was a random year, then YANBU. But given it's the year his wife/your DP's DM died, then in your shoes I would suck it up for this one year. Your boys might be a bit cranky if they get up earlier than they'd like, but it's not like they have school next day.

[Alicewasinwonderland]

I am sorry, you are being mean.

If it was my own dad, I would give him my bed (provided dog stays in kitchen, or somewhere downstairs), so I would do the same for my in-laws.

I've even slept on a spare duvet in my kids room with my husband once, because we didn't have a spare bed, we were young and poor! It was only 3 nights, it was a really bad idea and we bought an inflatable mattress for the following visits! (we didn't tell the truth obviously).

Make the man happy, it's only one night, there is something cosy in staying over with family once in a while.

[Dipankrispaneven]

So you'll miss out on a lie-in on one morning in the year. Big deal. It won't hurt you.

[Donthate]

FFS.

[witsender]

I'm with the majority here, it wouldn't even be in question. MIL stays here regularly and sleeps in the lounge.

[lightgreenglass]

It's unkind because he's grieving as people have already stated, it's the moving into the new year alone and the dead of the night without your loved one which aches. PP have unequivocally told you that they feel you're being unreasonable, I'm getting the feeling you won't change your standpoint though.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

This will be the first New Year seen in without his wife of many years.

It might be made less painful for him if he does not wake up totally alone.

Have you considered that your husband actually wants his remaining parent to share New Years Eve with him and his family?

[HopefulHamster]

It's only NYE. Not a big deal. Don't be mean. What's one lie-in?

[Supermanspants]

YABU and really lacking in empathy. I echo another poster.... you sound really horrible.
Why did you post this on here if you clearly do not see on any level that YABU. All you have done is counter posters who disagree with you (the majority) and match onto those equally horrible people who think YANBU.
Show a bit of bloody kindness. It is one sodding night and morning FFS

[DingleberryFinn]

Why is it unkind... because, as one year ends, that you had begun with your spouse by your side and ended without them, you reflect on that. And you also look ahead at the year in front of you, stretching out long and lonely. All the days to be endured without your spouse, marching on and on across a new calendar, with all those firsts too - first birthday without her, first holiday without her, first anniversary of her death etc...

It's a funny old time, NYE/New Year's Day, psychologically speaking.

[Katarzyna79]

OP if you can't see why your intolerance to have him over for 1 night or even a few days is not unkind then you have issues. i believe in karma too how you treat your fil and parents will come back to haunt you with your children and their partners, ive seen it too many times.

your husbands home too if i was him i wouldn't be asking your permission if you said no id have him over and give him all his meals you can have your precious lie in.