Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to not want my fil to stay over on new years eve

384 replies

chocoholic05 · 30/12/2015 20:12

My mil died earlier on in the year. My dh wants to invite my fil to stay tomorrow night and into new years day. In fact despite endless discussions with dh from a conversation with fil today it seems he has. I don't want him to. I would rather came for dinner on new years day and stay for tea as well. My reasons are we only have a small house so where would he sleep other than our living room? He never ever lies in no matter what time he goes to bed. He will bring his dog who is also an early riser. And he will expect us to get up. Alsothe dog smells really badly. I know that sounds horrible but it's absolutely true. Finally I like new year spent with my boys. Family games and dvds.He is only a ten minute drive away. But my dh said it's his first new year on his own.

OP posts:
Supermanspants · 30/12/2015 22:07

Oh for goodness sake Janet it's for one night. Stop being so melodramatic. Are you that flaky you wouldn't be able to cope with one sodding night? Have you got kids? If so how on earth did you cope when they were little

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2015 22:08

Christ, can you not just 'put yourself out' for one night and morning OP?

Is this really the sort of shit example you want to show your kids?

I think if I were your DP, I'd take the kids and go and stay at my Dad's.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 30/12/2015 22:12

Christ, can you not just 'put yourself out' for one night and morning OP?

OP doesn't even have to do anything other than let fil be there.

There's no reason why her husband can't get up and see to his father in the morning ; which actually may well be the most sensitive thing to do.

elQuintoConyo · 30/12/2015 22:13

Poor bloody man. Poor. Bloody. Man.

Ffs.

janethegirl2 · 30/12/2015 22:13

superman yes i do have kids but I will never put myself in a situation I cannot control.
No way would I have someone to stay who could not accept my boundaries.
No early risers who can't be quiet, no smelly dogs, it's quite simple!

Inneedofachat15 · 30/12/2015 22:15

You are being unkind. NYE is awful night to be alone after a bereavement. My grandad died when I was 13 over Christmastime and I spent every night with my Grandma (including NYE) for the 2weeks as I didn't want her to be alone. Let him stay! Sod the getting up earlier than you'd like to... You will be making someone else feel loved and valued. Surely that's more important than an extra couple of hours in bed? I'm working tomorrow night, so I won't spend it with family or friends and I will get home around 3am (once I've walked the half hour home as I can't get a taxi plus they are too expensive) and will be up with my dd by 730. NYE is about family and relationships, not just what you want.

Supermanspants · 30/12/2015 22:15

You sound as awful as the OP in that case Janet
You are both really are full of kindness, empathy and compassion aren't you Hmm

CountryRoadTakeMeHome · 30/12/2015 22:16

Reminds me of this years JL advert man on the moon.... but OP would rather he be even more lonely and against her DH thoughtful wishes.

OP has left the house!

FlatOnTheHill · 30/12/2015 22:17

If I was your DH I would be wondering if I had made a big mistake in marrying such an unkind person. DH should take the kids, stay at his dads and leave you on your own. What do you think of that idea?

blobbityblob · 30/12/2015 22:17

I think there's a balance actually. My df died nearly six years ago and my dm wants to spend xmas, new year, her birthday, my birthday, dc's birthdays, easter, mothers day with us and also come on holiday with us. I think it's reasonable to have him over for a meal, games whatever then run him home myself.

janethegirl2 · 30/12/2015 22:18

superman you think you are great, your moniker says it all, getting the real life.

echt · 30/12/2015 22:18

How about a compromise? Have DH field the early rising, i.e. keep FIL occupied, minimising noise.

Personally I would say no to a smelly dog.

FlatOnTheHill · 30/12/2015 22:18

Janet
Are you ok? Hmm
What a strange person you sound.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 30/12/2015 22:20

No way would I have someone to stay who could not accept my boundaries.
No early risers who can't be quiet, no smelly dogs, it's quite simple!

Well I've been told from to time on here that I lack empathy but that takes the biscuit.

It's one night. The OP doesn't need to get up early (and earplugs work wonders)

FlatOnTheHill · 30/12/2015 22:23

Where the fuck is the OP? I would like to see if she has found some compassion and changed her mind. Have you OP?

Supermanspants · 30/12/2015 22:23

I am in the real 'life' Janet.... One where I can hopefully feel empathy and extend kindness towards a lonely person who is facing a new year without their spouse.

As for thinking I am great. Whatever floats your boat love Hmm

Inneedofachat15 · 30/12/2015 22:24

Rereading all this makes me think of one of my (newish) favourite quotes and absolutely my motto for my dd and I ...."have courage and be kind" (Cinderella can never be wrong). Have courage and allow yourself to step out of what you'd like, and be kind and allow fil and dh to support each other at a horrid time.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 30/12/2015 22:24

My df died nearly six years ago and my dm wants to spend xmas, new year, her birthday, my birthday, dc's birthdays, easter, mothers day with us and also come on holiday with us

That's irrelevant to what is being discussed here.

Duck90 · 30/12/2015 22:25

Wow, that op, was a sad read.

Bunnyjo · 30/12/2015 22:25

Janet - utter melodramatic bollocks!

I will never put myself in a situation I cannot control.

Ha, bloody ha; do you realise how ridiculous that sounds?!

How the hell do you cope with jetting off on holiday, kids being ill, yourself being ill, other random thing disturbing your night without "killing someone"? I am imagining you do cope and have done in the past...

If you are seriously suggesting that one night's sleep being disturbed would have that much of an effect on you, without trying to sound all armchair doctor on you, I suggest you need to see the GP.

FlatOnTheHill · 30/12/2015 22:27

Inneedofachat15
I like that very much.

Eminado · 30/12/2015 22:27

"Today 22:18 FlatOnTheHill

Janet
Are you ok? hmm
What a strange person you sound."

^^
Completely agree.

Janet have you read any of the posts above from people who have been bereaved?
It's one night.

And I think you need to address your "i've had too little sleep" moods. You're an adult not an animal. It must be unpleasant for those around you.

leopardgecko · 30/12/2015 22:30

What a sad thread, so very sad. It is hard to believe anyone can be so heartless towards, not just their bereaved FIL, but also their bereaved DH. Awful, awful, awful.

I hope Karma strikes one day.

janethegirl2 · 30/12/2015 22:30

I am Jane not Janet, but you lot need treatment.

I am always in control of my situation and always have back up plans for my kids.

ExitPursuedByABear · 30/12/2015 22:32

Jane. You are on your own on this one.

Well. You and the op.

Maybe you found spend NYE together.

What fun that would be.

Swipe left for the next trending thread