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MNHQ have commented on this thread

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MNHQ have commented on this thread

AIBU?

to not want my fil to stay over on new years eve

384 replies

chocoholic05 · 30/12/2015 20:12

My mil died earlier on in the year. My dh wants to invite my fil to stay tomorrow night and into new years day. In fact despite endless discussions with dh from a conversation with fil today it seems he has. I don't want him to. I would rather came for dinner on new years day and stay for tea as well. My reasons are we only have a small house so where would he sleep other than our living room? He never ever lies in no matter what time he goes to bed. He will bring his dog who is also an early riser. And he will expect us to get up. Alsothe dog smells really badly. I know that sounds horrible but it's absolutely true. Finally I like new year spent with my boys. Family games and dvds.He is only a ten minute drive away. But my dh said it's his first new year on his own.

OP posts:

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sparkleglitterdaisy · 30/12/2015 21:12

The first year is incredibly tough after losing your partner. Waking up to the stillness & quietness, looking over at the unslept side of the bed, sitting next to the empty chair. Until you experience this kind of grief, you honestly have no idea. It is for one night , let him stay. Get up early with him, sit & chat with him. If the dog smells, offer to give it a bath !! In life we get what we give ultimately , show more compassion & empathy---one day it might be you.

AwfulBeryl · 30/12/2015 21:13

Op please take the comments on board.
Yes, I know it may be inconvenient but would you treat your own parents like that, or would you like it if you or your dh were in fils situation?
I feel really sorry for your dh and fill tbh.

TurnOffTheTv · 30/12/2015 21:15

The more you talk, the more you sound like a heartless bugger. How old are the children? All of mine would offer to give their bed to their grandfather and share with siblings.

Supermanspants · 30/12/2015 21:16

YANBU, if I don't get enough sleep I am a very nasty person.

It's for one night FFS
To be honest she doesn't sound particularly nice regardless.

Quinoa20 · 30/12/2015 21:16

Omg this thread is so sad. Your poor FIL. My father was surrounded by people wanting him there at Christmas and new year when my mother died earlier in the year (7 years ago now). It almost makes me want to cry that this poor man doesn't even get that.

Your DH is also probably hurting and missing his mum too so needs to keep family close.

Wow... Just wow.

cricketballs · 30/12/2015 21:17

During the Christmas season I have read many threads where I have replied, but deleted before posting but with this one I can not hold back

Op; you are such a selfish cold hearted *; when you lose a parent or DH come back and ask if your DIL/SIL is UR for saying you are not welcome for one night of the year when you really need your family they said you could not stop because they wanted a lie in

nutellacrumpet · 30/12/2015 21:18

YABU and down right horrid. Everyone has told you that YABU and heartless, yet you still won't have it. Why post if you don't want to hear that YABU? I hope my son doesn't marry a nasty women like you!

DustyCropHopper · 30/12/2015 21:19

My dh has just asked what my mum is doing tomorrow night, she is going out with her neighbours but he said to see if she would prefer to come and stay here, have a take a way and play board games as he thinks it is a bad night for her to be out. We lost my dad in April. He is not the most sensitive man but even he recognises how hard it will be for her. I think YABU.

NewLife4Me · 30/12/2015 21:19

My boys would have also been happy to muck in, but I suppose it's how you bring them up and the messages you give them.
YOU like new Year with your boys but do you not think your fil would rather be spending time with mil if he could.
As for a lie in, so what? Ask him/ tell him you will not be getting up early and ask dh to get up early and keep him company.

AwfulBeryl · 30/12/2015 21:19

The really sad thing is that the op will probably just think we're all being horrible, the typical Mn vipers. I don't think she will take any thing from this thread and just convince her dh to do things her way.

Learningtoletgo · 30/12/2015 21:21

For those saying its no big deal just put yourself in FILs shoes for one minute. He spends a lovely night with his family then because he's not allowed to stay he goes home. He walks upto his front door and the house is in darkness. He puts his key in the door goes in and there's no one there. He's gone from happy fun filled house to a stark instant reminder that he's on his own and probably will be for a long time to come. All that he has lost will come flooding back and he'll have to deal with it all alone. NYE can be a very melancholy time, full of past regrets and sadness not just looking to the future. Just think that could be you one day.

Now weigh that against some board games and a lie in.

Get a grip and get some perspective. It's not always about our own needs.

YouBastardSockBalls · 30/12/2015 21:21

Crikey don't hold back nutella, say what you really think.

but yes, YABU OP

BeYourOwnBoss · 30/12/2015 21:23

I would like to think that this is not a genuine thread/question :( It's beyond sad if it is.

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 30/12/2015 21:23

queenMab99 I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope next year brings you peace and happiness.

FlatOnTheHill · 30/12/2015 21:23

I hope you never find yourself to be alone one day.
Its only for 1 night and you are making the most pathetic weak excuses.
The dog is an early riser too
OP where is your heart? If you have one that is.

AwfulBeryl · 30/12/2015 21:25

I was hoping the same tbh Boss.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 30/12/2015 21:25

I really can't see what is so terrible about his sleeping over in the living room. So what if he gets up early - you don't have to.

My opinion is skewed by living in Scotland but I would hate to be on my own on Hogmanay. I know we make a lot more of New Year's Eve but a couple of years ago was the first New Years Eve my son wasn't at home. I was so miserable I didn't want to go to, and didn't go to, the usual party at a friend's and it was miserable being alone even although it was my choice. Sorry that was about me but I do think yabu.

ExitPursuedByABear · 30/12/2015 21:26

Well it takes all sorts.

Hope you get your lie in OP.

And many of them.

DustyCropHopper · 30/12/2015 21:26

I am dreading NY myself. I will start a year I will never have a dad in, if that makes sense. I can not even imagine what that will be like for my mum! 47 years she was with my dad, married for near on 43. Reading Learnings post sums it up. I would much prefer my mum be here but I will leave it to her to decide, but would definitely have my in laws here if the need arose.

Greengardenpixie · 30/12/2015 21:26

As for the lie in, get your dp to get up and tend to him. That is a ridiculous reason and sounds like an excuse. Where can he sleep? Well i had someone visit me and i put my youngest in with us and gave up one of the kids rooms. Where there is a will there is a way. My youngest is 4 btw. If older then you could get a fold down bed or get them just to sleep on a sleeping bag on the floor! Make it fun :)

Katarzyna79 · 30/12/2015 21:27

i don't janet because there is no dilemma just a big bother about nothing too big to accommodate. id do as much for a neighbour unrelated to me.

cricketballs · 30/12/2015 21:28

I apologise for my nastiness in my earlier post, but when you lose a parent during the Christmas holiday and you hear of people treating their parents/in laws this way just brings shame that fellow humans behave so selfishly

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Katarzyna79 · 30/12/2015 21:29

mm green we do the same its norm in mums house and now mine. guests are treated like kings always get a bed even if it means we sleep on the floor.

SkiptonLass2 · 30/12/2015 21:30

Wash the dog.
Let him stay
Make a joke about "ooh Fil it's New Years, you know we won't be up early don't you, no need to bring us a cuppa, let us have a lie in, eh? We'll have a lovely brunch but I really want a lie in."

I think you're being unreasonable and you should let him stay, to be honest. It's one night, he's recently bereaved.

Katarzyna79 · 30/12/2015 21:31

i wouldn't cricket i have an urge to be nasty on this thread because i care for my mil full time and now my dad too yet she cant tolerate hers for 1 bloody night i find it absurd.

if her friend was grieving and wanted company would she be the same way or is it simply because its the fil? bloody stupid excuses.

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