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AIBU?

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Original poster

Shaken and freaked out. Future rapist for sure

255 replies

Chitterchatter1 · 30/12/2015 12:03

I went to visit a family friend who has recently lost her father. She lives in another town, so I drove and slept there.
We spent the evening drinking and reminiscing about her father. Her half brother was there with a friend. A very familial atmosphere. Lots of chatter. At leaving time the friend offered to walk us home. On arrival it got weird . It started with him insisting to come in. We politely declined. He got aggressive started talking all sexual and vulgar and tried to push his way into the house. We were pleading screaming for him to leave. He got his leg into the house, and his arm around the door and was jammed there, with both of us pushing the door closed. He must have been in agony bot refused to leave. It was scary. If we had been weaker, or alone he could have got in. He is a young man 20 ish. This lasted for about 10 minutes. My friend does not want to call the police . Her dad just died and I guess she has dynamics to consider. I think this man is a future rapist and deserves to be arrested.

OP posts:
NewACforThisPost · 31/12/2015 00:52

I applaud you OP and am hugely appreciative you ARE going to report him. FlowersFlowersFlowers

kungpopanda · 31/12/2015 00:53

Horrible thing to happen, but there's a lot of hysteria on this thread.
I'm not sure the 10 minutes in your OP were a real ten minutes as opposed to a perceived 10 minutes - probably a lot less, because time slows down when you are scared. But, assuming two of you were pushing the door against this person for more than a few moments, he will be quite bruised. If you do complain, you might conceivably find that you are mirror-charged with assault. Particularly if he gets decent advice.

Just for consideration.

Original poster
Chitterchatter1 · 31/12/2015 00:56

I really REALLY must have hurt his leg. The corridor was not wide. At one pointing had my back against the wall and both feet with all my weight on it( if that makes sense) so I was like almost vertical , using all my weight onto the door. It must be in agony. I'm actually quite proud of that.
I'm so grateful for the time and thought that have gone into all of your contributions to this thread. I am also comfortable with my decision to report and flag .

OP posts:
Original poster
Chitterchatter1 · 31/12/2015 01:03

I understand what you mean about 10 mins not feeling like it but it really did go on. My arms and legs were tired and it did go on and on. I really don't want to come across as hysterical. I don't think I am exaggerating .

OP posts:
IamtheZombie · 31/12/2015 01:17

Chitterchatter1.

Respect.

SolidGoldBrass · 31/12/2015 01:29

You are not exaggerating. More to the point, any amount of time at all when a man is attempting to force his way into the home of a woman who has told him to leave is too long and constitutes a crime.

VertigoNun · 31/12/2015 01:34

It sounds like there will be plenty of bruising then.

Dipankrispaneven · 31/12/2015 01:39

I really doubt that he could make any counter charge stick. The bruising will be very distinctive and it would be very difficult for him to come up with a story about how OP assaulted him only in one specific place on his leg leaving bruising in a line, and how it is pure coincidence that the door is damaged just where it would trap the leg of someone trying to get in.

LastAnni · 31/12/2015 01:45

You poor thing. How distressing. Hugs to you and your friend, who must be traumatised and very stressed.

ruthsbrood · 31/12/2015 02:17

I know it must be difficult to go against your friend's wishes - but how would she feel if this man rapes (or worse) someone next week? No doubt you would both feel that perhaps you could have prevented it, or at least tried, by reporting this preditor. You know how it goes - if he's done it once, he'll do it again. Only next time he will probably choose an easier target - a lone girl.

BringMeTea · 31/12/2015 02:45

Good God. Poor you and your friend OP. Thank you so much for having the courage to report this reprobate. You ARE doing the right thing. Really well done. Flowers. That must have been terrifying.

kungpopanda · 31/12/2015 02:52

Chitterchatter, I didn't say, or mean to say, that you are or were hysterical, just some of the thread. You sound remarkably composed in the circumstances and I hope the door hurt at least as much as you think it did.

Whatever you decide, I hope it works out for you. But despite waht Dipankrisp might think counter-accusations do happen and it is as well to be prepared.

hibbleddible · 31/12/2015 08:24

Well done on reporting op. I'm gland you found the strength.

He may not get locked up, but the police just talking to him about this incident will send a clear message that this behaviour is unacceptable.

BirdsInMyPants · 31/12/2015 08:52

Find the dickhead on fb, find out his surname, report him and deny all knowledge to your friend.

I totally understand why she doesn't want to report, but the irony is, what happened to her in Thailand is exactly why she should, to prevent what happened to her happen to someone else.

Chances are, he's already known to the police for similar things...

Lottapianos · 31/12/2015 09:01

You should indeed be proud of yourself OP. I'm glad you've made a decision that you feel comfortable with. Vile vile person indeed.

Dipankrispaneven · 31/12/2015 09:06

kungpo, if you read my post, I didn't say that a counter-accusation couldn't happen. I said I really doubted that he could make a counter-accusation stick. It is really better to check that you are replying to something that has actually been said.

ValancyJane · 31/12/2015 09:09

Really glad that you have decided to report OP, I think it's the first unanimous 'police, now' thread I've ever seen on AIBU!

LumpySpacedPrincess · 31/12/2015 09:25

I'm relieved you're reporting, well done Flowers

Isn't it crazy how society covers up male violence, your poor friend is scared to rock the boat.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 31/12/2015 09:35

Flowers I'm glad you have decided to report this. It may well be that the police are already aware of this man and you will add to their knowledge. If they haven't heard about him yet then its really important that he is on their radar.

When he attacks again (which I think he will) your report will make it harder for him to claim the new attack was an argument that got out of hand, a misunderstanding or anything similar.

Bunbaker · 31/12/2015 09:48

I wish people would stop accusing posters of victim blaming. Not reporting a crime is not victim blaming - a phrase that is over used these days.

If someone were to accuse the victim of "asking for it" that would be victim blaming.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 31/12/2015 10:21

Bunbaker
I think what people are objecting to is they idea that the victim is somehow complicit in any future attacks if they fail to report. I used the phrase "victim blaming" when one poster said the OP would be "an enabler" if they didn't report. It may not be strictly victim blaming as you see it but it is clearly dumping responsibility on the victim; not for their attack but any future attacks.

I don't know what you want to call it but it certainly isn't supportive to the victim.

CwtchMeQuick · 31/12/2015 10:23

OP I'm so sorry this happened to you and your friend and I really hope you report it.

My ex used to rape me and beat me, and when I eventually managed to free myself of him I was too petrified to report him. I just ran as far away from him as I could and made sure he could never find me again. I now regret so much that I didn't report him, there were other police reports and I feel like I'd be safer now if I had. But at the time I just wanted it to be over and concentrate on rebuilding my life.
I should have reported him. But if he makes another woman his victim that isn't my fault. It's no ones fault but his own. Just like if you chose not to report this, any future crimes wouldn't be your fault. But by reporting you may be helping another woman in the future, and you may be protecting your friend if there's already logs against this man at her address.
I really hope you report him, but I also know how easy it is to say that from behind a screen.
Flowers and Wine for you and your friend

suzannecaravaggio · 31/12/2015 10:46

Agree with all other post
If there are no consequences this man will be emboldened
He will consider where he went wrong such that he was thwarted this time and he will plan his next attack more carefully so that his victim can't fight him off

BeyondJinglebells · 31/12/2015 11:10

Cwtch, you could still report him now, its never too late Flowers

Original poster
Chitterchatter1 · 31/12/2015 11:16

O

OP posts: