Shaken and freaked out. Future rapist for sure

[Chitterchatter1]

I went to visit a family friend who has recently lost her father. She lives in another town, so I drove and slept there.
We spent the evening drinking and reminiscing about her father. Her half brother was there with a friend. A very familial atmosphere. Lots of chatter. At leaving time the friend offered to walk us home. On arrival it got weird . It started with him insisting to come in. We politely declined. He got aggressive started talking all sexual and vulgar and tried to push his way into the house. We were pleading screaming for him to leave. He got his leg into the house, and his arm around the door and was jammed there, with both of us pushing the door closed. He must have been in agony bot refused to leave. It was scary. If we had been weaker, or alone he could have got in. He is a young man 20 ish. This lasted for about 10 minutes. My friend does not want to call the police . Her dad just died and I guess she has dynamics to consider. I think this man is a future rapist and deserves to be arrested.

[PlaysWellWithOthers]

I'd also advise you to call the police, apart from anything else, he attacked you.

However, and this is really important. If you choose not to call the police, and there are many reasons why you wouldn't, you are not in any way responsible for anything he chooses to do or not do in future

I am sure that you realise that, but sometimes these threads end up looking like others blame the victim of a crime (you) for the criminal's potential future actions.

Hope you and your friend are ok.

[Atomik]

the strange thing about it, to me , was that because of the 15 year age gap and the tone of conversation, I saw him as a child

I totally understand that.

I was knocked wholly off kilter a few years ago in my mid 40s when a lad in his late teens attempted to assault me. But you know, thank god he picked me and not somebody his own age. I had enough life experience to react strongly and trust my first instincts, which saved my bacon. However as a young, violent sex offender he has years in front of him to destroy lives. And so, despite the additional discomfort of raised eyebrows at the idea such a young lad would be interested in targetting a woman of my age (the idea that it is about sexual attraction rather than power and control still holds strong where I live), I reported him anyway. Becuase it was the only thing I had in my toolbox to help the women, or girls, who he would target next.

And while it wasn't at all fun, it felt good to take my power back. I was so shaken, so unprepared to be targeted for that sort of thing at my age (becoming invisible due to middle age had given me a false sense of security, which crumbled and left me very winded emotionally). But reporting was the one small thing that offset the ramifications it had for me.

Plus, I don't think I could have lived with the idea that a young girl might face "he says, she says" at perhaps the lowest point in her life when I had the choice to make it play out rather differently for her, if she was the unlucky one that he picked next.

I think the guy who targeted me is going to kill a woman some day. I can't give you anything concrete in terms of what he said or did, but all my instincts tell me he will. Becuase his ire and hatred of women just shone through. I was so lucky. But sooner or later somebody won't be. It is small comfort, but the idea I didn't participate in letting him maintain a clean slate that could be used against future victims is still better than the alternative.

sweetheart. I know this is horrifying on so many levels.

[YouBastardSockBalls]

Report to the police.

I would not be surprised AT ALL if he is an existing rapist, rather than a future one.

You need to report.

[venusinscorpio]

Talk to your friend now and tell her you're sorry but the incident involved you too and its your decision. Then report asap. It would be different if you both wanted to leave it, but you personally don't.

[venusinscorpio]

And I'm not saying you have to be sorry, but I can understand you wanting to be sensitive under the circs. But this goes further than that.

[MiniCooperLover]

Your friends half-brother needs to be told, at the very least!!! But yes to the police. Your friend will be there on her own in the future

[Fyaral]

Yy to reporting. It will be hard but it is the right thing to do.

[Fairenuff]

I am not really upset as such for myself, just really really worried that in the future, when he is stronger and picks on a younger woman....

Then call the police and report him.

Can you think of one good reason not to?

[Bettercallsaul1]

Agree totally with everyone that you should report this incident, so that this man can be cautioned, at least. Trying to force his way into a property when two women were actively resisting him and telling him to stop is an offence and he really should not get off with it.

I agree with you that the next woman he tries this - or something similar -with may not be so lucky and your instinct to report, despite your friend's misgivings, is a sound one.

[BadgersNadgers]

Just please call the police

[ValancyJane]

Sometimes I think on MN that 'call the police' is bandied around far too often as advice; but in this case it's not an overreaction at all and you really need to report it. I can't imagine he won't have the opportunity to try this on someone else again, I know that I've certainly let friends, and friends of friends, walk me home before after a night out, because they're not just a random stranger. The next person he tries this on might not have a friend with them! You were both really lucky.

Please, please, please report this.

[Bettercallsaul1]

Excellent post, Atomik!

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

Report to the police and explain to the half brother WHY.

This is not some blurred lines grey situation that some people may like to explain away as miscommunication - two women desperately trying to shut the door on a man attempting to force their way in is about as clear a boundary violation as possible. I imagine he will also have injuries from being jammed in the doorway that will corroborate your story.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

You don't have a choice . You have to report this. My instincts tell me this is not the first time he's done this and I guarantee it certainly will not be the last. He's a disgusting beast. He can't be free to roam the streets.
I won't say hope you're both okay. That'd be s silly statement, of course you're not okay. Who would be. However I'm sending you lots of love strength courage and support.
for you and your friends .Love to your friend as well on the loss of her Dad.

[coffeeisnectar]

Call the police. He could go back to your friends house, he may already have attacked someone else, he could go on to rape and murder. He may not but please don't take the chance.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Definitely report him to the police. Bear in mind that, if you are feeling compassionate on the grounds that he is young, recently bereaved and may be psychologically disturbed, reporting him is still the right thing to do because it should shock him into getting help and not repeating the behaviour.
If he's a straightforward woman-hating predator then marking his card is the best thing to do anyway.

SOrry you had such a nasty experience.

[throwingpebbles]

Of course you should report it

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

Also, if there's even the slightest chance that he genuinely thinks his behaviour was acceptable (doubtful) then a police visit and caution will prove to him that his behaviour was completely out of order and not acceptable to society.

It will also show him that he cannot get away with unacceptable behaviour even if he targets friends who he thinks won't want to rock the boat.

[Hissy]

Sweetheart, he needs to be put on the police radar. He tried to force entry to TWO women, this is not the first time he's done something like this, t just isn't.

He will rape and probably kill. Report him. He's dangerous.

What if the friend had have been on her own? Think about this.

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

SGB put it better.

[wotoodoo]

If you don't report it then you are inadvertently giving him the green light to behave like that. You become an enabler, it is as simple as that.

Inaction is the same as saying 'that was ok' because if he gets no repercussion from that dangerous behaviour now it will simply bolster his confidence.

A young man who behaves like that would be getting an extreme thrill from the chase of women not necessarily socially acceptable for him to chase. Which puts all middle ages, elderly and too young females in terrible danger from him.

The fact he probably gets very turned on by the thrill of this illicit chase as well as the pain and screaming, he will be very interested in what else he could get away with next.

Your friend might want to block it out and forget about it but that makes her easy prey. She needs to let her relations know, the police know and if she is incapable then you need to make sure you have reported it to the police.

You need to write absolutely everything down, the dates, times, what he said, the nature of conversation before and during the assault.

You need to keep a copy , give a copy to the police and possibly also to your friend. It is a way to take back some control and also sending a loud and clear signal that NO ONE HAS A RIGHT TO TREAT YOU LIKE THAT.

You need to do this while it is fresh in your memory. Good luck op.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

I am so sorry you had to go through this. He needs reporting. This was not a misunderstanding, you can't misunderstand two people trying to shut a door on you. This was a violent, sustained attempt to attack two women in their home from a person who had given no indication that he was a risk before. He really is an extremely dangerous young man and will harm someone.

Please report him if you can face it.

[giraffesCantDoThat]

report before he rapes someone

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

wotoodoo
If you don't report it then you are inadvertently giving him the green light to behave like that. You become an enabler, it is as simple as that.

Inaction is the same as saying 'that was ok' because if he gets no repercussion from that dangerous behaviour now it will simply bolster his confidence.

WTF?
Victim blaming writ large.

OP - nothing you have done and nothing you do or don't do makes you in anyway responsible for this man and his behaviour.

[ophiotaurus]

Please report this. What if you had been on your own and he had managed to get in? What if he does this to somebody else his age who isn't strong enough to overpower him?