Shaken and freaked out. Future rapist for sure

[Chitterchatter1]

I went to visit a family friend who has recently lost her father. She lives in another town, so I drove and slept there.
We spent the evening drinking and reminiscing about her father. Her half brother was there with a friend. A very familial atmosphere. Lots of chatter. At leaving time the friend offered to walk us home. On arrival it got weird . It started with him insisting to come in. We politely declined. He got aggressive started talking all sexual and vulgar and tried to push his way into the house. We were pleading screaming for him to leave. He got his leg into the house, and his arm around the door and was jammed there, with both of us pushing the door closed. He must have been in agony bot refused to leave. It was scary. If we had been weaker, or alone he could have got in. He is a young man 20 ish. This lasted for about 10 minutes. My friend does not want to call the police . Her dad just died and I guess she has dynamics to consider. I think this man is a future rapist and deserves to be arrested.

(((((((((((((soft Hugs)))))))))))) for Chitterchatter1 and NewACforThisPost No advice Just ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

I fail to see how your friend feels safer not reporting this to the police. She and you need to report it in order to protect yourselves and other future victims of this man. Maybe he has done it before and that victim made the choice not to report it. Can she not see that there can be no protection from this man if the police are not informed and action taken?

Also, report it now, while there is evidence, such as his bruises and the damaged door.

Well, you both told his half-brother so if he's going to "come back" is he any more likely to come back because you told the police or because you told his half-brother? The cat's already out of the bag.

Please tell your friend that what will leave her in danger from his man is failing to report it. If she doesn't report it, he will take that as a green light and is more likely to try again when she is on her own. If he is arrested and charged - which is highly likely given the evidence of two witnesses, his bruises and the damage to the door - then he will either be remanded in custody or will have bail conditions that keep him away from her, so she won't see him at social occasions.

OP, please, please report it whether she does or not. And do it NOW.

Oh your poor friend, for her.

How does she feel if you report him yourself, she wouldn't have to be involved. Mind you, if she lives in a small town I can understand why she's worried about seeing him around.

I come from a small town. I can imagine what this must feel like. And in similar cases that I know about, there will be some people who stick by him and blame the victims, and there will be others who support your friend. As long as she has some good friends around her, she'll get through this.

My heart goes out to both of you.

It doesn't matter whether you have his surname or not, the police can find that out very easily indeed.

Op, you or your friend might be on your own the next time he turns up.
For goodness sake report him.

That's assault and by not contacting the police you are putting many other younger and older ladies at risk. Please report this incident. Thanks.

Thank god you were together, if it was one of you on your own he could have over powered you.
He will overpower someone eventually. That's a very upsetting thought. Because he WILL do this again. You know that don't you.

This happened to YOU too. You don't need permission. Also there is cctv pretty much everywhere. He can be caught and prevented from doing anything else to anyone else...

Think about the message you're sending to this potential rapist by not reporting this to the police. Seriously. Think about it.

I, of course, think you should go to the police, ASAP - for all the reasons stated above (and in your thread title!).

But there is one thing further - your attacker is now more dangerous than he was before.

He will have learned from this. He will know now, not to attack two women together - he will target women on their own. Whether it's your friend (whom he may want to get his revenge on), or another.

Please report this. And urge your friend to get some help for her trauma(s). Her recovery from her ordeals may well begin with the reporting of this crime.

For both of you.

YOU don't need his surname. YOU don't need her permission.

YOU were attacked. You've posted for advice and the response has been unanimous that you should contact the police.

I don't see how letting him get away with it is any safer. It just means he believes he can continue. And he will do it again maybe not to you or your friend but it will happen.

The more he gets away with it the more he will believe he is untouchable and will get worse a worse. Some other poor woman will be on the reviving end unless he is stopped.

I come from a small town. I can imagine what this must feel like. And in similar cases that I know about, there will be some people who stick by him and blame the victims, and there will be others who support your friend. As long as she has some good friends around her, she'll get through this.

The fortunate thing about this case is that there is physical damage to both the door and his leg - I'd very much like to hear the lie he can come up with that would convince anyone that he was not the aggressor in this situation.

I also think it is highly likely he has done this before sadly.

"I also think it is highly likely he has done this before sadly."

Me too. That he has the nerve to attack two people together may well mean he has got away with attacking lone women before ie. not been reported to the police and has escalated because he thinks he will get away with it. Please don't prove him right.

Your poor poor friend , take this angle, ask her how she would feel, if he did the same to another woman or girl. He could well do. That if she reported this to the Police, she could save the same thing happening again.

Yes - for clarity I should add I meant if something has happened before it may not have been as "serious" as this or may have been a different category eg inappropriate behaviour or actions but within the line so to speak.

But people don't suddenly start attacking 2 women out of the blue.

I'm sorry OP but all I can think of is this arsehole lying in wait for a time when your friend, or you, is alone, and having another crack at it.

It often feels like reporting a bully or a criminal in this case will make matters worse. Strangely, it often doesn't. Often they can see by this that you're not afraid of them, and they will leave you alone and choose someone who won't tell instead.

Of course we can all hope that he won't get the chance to choose someone else, if you manage to go ahead and flag him to the police, and they can get a conviction.

I hope you manage to find a way.

OP, can you and your friend not see that by not reporting this attack to the police, you are doing precisely the same as someone who is his friend or family member who knows he attacks women but protects him by not reporting him to the police?
It is both of you, plus future victims - and maybe past victims too - who are in need of protection and justice, not the attacker.

Please please report it. Can you get his surname from the half brother or on Facebook or something?

Please please report this, todays attempted sexual is assault is tomorrows actual assault.

How you going to feel when he carries out his next attempt and you could have nipped it in the bud?

OP Prior to last night did this 'friend' of step-brother know where your friend lived?

As very clearly he does now and he will also know that you will not be there forever. So in blunt terms:

1: He is a predatory offender;

2: If NOT reported now & when so so much prima facie evidence against him, the boost to his confidence in how 'right' he is in believing he will not be caught WILL spur him on.

3: He does (now) definitely know where your friend lives and lives alone;

4: Right NOW, he knows he has not been reported even with 2 of you there;

5: Your friend therefore seems to me to now be at THE most immense personal risk.

There is so so much about this that is chilling, not least the fact he offered to walk you home in safety and then transformed into the perp. That is pre-meditated and psychopathic behaviour - that coupled with 1-5 above means you really have no choice but to report him.

Your darling friend's judgement and decision making will be hugely askew right now via last night per se and the (truly horrendous) triggering, but ours - all of us here - is not. You have multiple posts telling you the same thing and you must now act on that given the (unspeakable) possibilities that 1-5 HAVE now created.

When you are 'in' a sit'n it can be hard to see outside of it and you will be both in shock/trauma at last night as well as beset by immediate concerns for your friend. We are NOT 'in it' and you have many people speaking as one - please please listen to us; if you don't your friend may well be the person who remains at the greatest of risk, let alone others he WILL attack.

You have already said it yourself *'Future rapist for sure'. You KNOW what you must do so please please do it?

And know that victim support will be immediately available for your friend ESP. given what she has already endured, but for the love of God please don't let her be this creatures next victim which is sadly now a very real possibility

OP can you ask Rape Crisis to contact your friend directly ? - she obviously needs support as this assault could (alongside her grief) trigger a major depressive episode.

I understand your loyalty to her. But I think that not reporting is unwise. He may come back to stalk, harass, attack her at any point (or you or any other woman).

He sound unhinged and dangerous. Do not under estimate what he is capable of.

Please call the police.