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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
futureme · 30/12/2015 08:09

Oh yes. That one irritates me too. It seems a deliberate misunderstanding of the situation.

And yes re "priorities" and schooling.

KERALA1 · 30/12/2015 08:10

Bleeding heart posters make me chuckle. Someone posts vile behaviour. Posters then fall over themselves to offer complicated and bizarre excuses for it.

Op - lady in waitrose kicked my toddler
Bhp - maybe her cat had just died, her husband deployed to Afghanistan and she had just got a parking ticket

In a similar vein some rude angry person does something and the advice is to buy them a coffee / give them your car they may be having a hard time. The hand wash thread was great for this.

Or someone does you a mundane favour like taking in a parcel or letting someone use your loo and posters suggest buying flowers and chocolates as thank you gifts!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/12/2015 08:12

What genuinely worries me is that this utter bollocks is being pedalled to often vulnerable women who aren't going to think 'well that's obviously a sack of shit'

And yes, the 'if he gets angry about you snooping, he's guilty' - of course if he doesn't get angry that's also a sign of guilt.

People can only answer from their own knowledge and experience but I wish people wouldn't present their opinion or experience as fact.

Micah · 30/12/2015 08:14

"Send him to his mum's and change the locks - don't let him back in". Yeah, unless the house is in your name alone, you can't actually DO that. Doesn't stop posters telling the OP to do it on every single thread about an argument with a partner, though.

Dh's ex did exactly this, it worked for her fine. Once he was out and at his mums the court deemed him "housed", so the family home was awarded to her as it couldn't be sold and proceeds split as she had the children, and he didnt need money for housing as he wasnt homeless.

I like the temperature bullshit. 37.5? High temp, see a dr! Got a temp of 38, thats really high!

x2boys · 30/12/2015 08:14

the idea that a person/child with asd isnt disabled at all just a bit eccentric with a different way of looking at the world ok so my non verbal severley autistic with learning disabillities five yr old isnt disabled then?

HortonWho · 30/12/2015 08:14

Ofsted regulations aren't always "law". It's a set of regulations/rules one agrees to abide by in order to receive their accreditation and be registered with them. So while it's not illegal for a childminder to leave a child unattended (unless child is somehow in perceived danger), for example, it is against the ofsted regulations and that person should be reported it to Ofsted not police.

Mehitabel6 · 30/12/2015 08:15

That is very common watchatalltimes that if anyone doesn't like what the school is doing they should home educate as if it is an option for everyone.
I have also seen advice that you can home educate if a single parent with a job.
(Nothing wrong with NSPPC futureme but they are not there to answer questions for people who can't manage to risk assess for themselves)

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 30/12/2015 08:16

People have some very strange ideas about the power and reach of CAB.

But my pet one is 'just move!'. Moving is very expensive, and cuts off your network. Then whenever there's a problem about being far away, it's 'well you did move'.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/12/2015 08:17

Yes mumx2 also the idea that all kids with SN can learn to behave as just as well if they are NT it's just a matter of discipline. Never mind that the behaviour is stress related not even "bad " behaviour.

sparechange · 30/12/2015 08:17

Get yourself added to the deeds of his house
Like it involves scribbling on a piece of paper and not potentially paying stamp duty and legal fees and changing the mortgage...

Jibberjabberjooo · 30/12/2015 08:18

Definitely the 'go on a spa day', which I've seen numerous times.

Also the, your dh is an arse? Must be depressed. Or maybe they're just an arse.

honkinghaddock · 30/12/2015 08:18

The idea that all challenging behaviour from a person with asd is a choice.

Mehitabel6 · 30/12/2015 08:18

If someone has a truly toxic parent who causes nothing but trouble every time they have contact someone will pop up with 'you are so lucky to have a mother- mine died 15 yrs ago'.

AvengingGerbil · 30/12/2015 08:20

You can ignore parking tickets from private car parks, because they can't be enforced. Oh yes they can.

DesertOrDessert · 30/12/2015 08:20

That it's illegal to have boys and girls sharing a bedroom.
If in council housing you qualify for separate bedrooms after a certain age, but there is no law about siblings sharing at any age.

ilovesooty · 30/12/2015 08:21

Leave it off your CV. Never mind the fact that you can be sacked or even in extreme cases prosecuted.

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 08:22

Dinosaurs or telling people that they despite being worse off, their career will benefit in the long run if they keep working. Because a) we can't all afford to sacrifice £100 each month on the vague possibility of jam tomorrow B) For many people there is no career ladder, only a job. My current job offers no prospects, no possibility of promotion, no transferable skills and pays a few pence over the minimum wage. I think it comes down to well-heeled posters not under standing how different our situation is to theirs and can't understand why people don't take what to them is the obvious solution: hired help. I wonder what they think their staff do for childcare and cleaning.

OP posts:
DifferentCats · 30/12/2015 08:23

'LTB'

'I'm not sure that is the best answer for me / proportionate to the circumstances.'

'What are you, a doormat? Do what we tell you to do.'

'Have you done it yet, OP?'

MoMoTy · 30/12/2015 08:24

I think 99% of the advice doled out is crap. And to think people are actually following it.

MrsUltra · 30/12/2015 08:24

See your GP and get signed off with stress.

Because all GPs are happy to just dish out sick notes because you don't like your manager

This gets trotted out a lot on the 'staffroom' board - even when the OP has given no indication that she is stressed, just that she has too heavy a workload - not the same thing!
Or if the OP is in a disciplinary - this is trotted out as a way to avoid being sacked...

Mehitabel6 · 30/12/2015 08:25

'Your child- your rules' - simply not true unless you stay at home and never mix.

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 08:27

meh that's very much a netmums credo isn't it 'your lil bubz, your rulez, hun.'

OP posts:
honkinghaddock · 30/12/2015 08:31

If you have a child with disabilities/ are a carer for an adult with disabilities there is loads of support, advice, therapies, activities and respite out there and all you have to do is ask.

Vickymumof4 · 30/12/2015 08:33

I'm a new poster (been a lurker for a bit ) and have only posted once desperate for some sensible advice and another perspective. Turns out that I must be a misogynistic narcissistic old biddy who can't let go of the apron strings and wants to live through my children and they should go NC. On the other hand I sound lovely and should go NC with DS1 because he is weak. This NC thing isn't helpful sometimes especially when you don't want to do that and are trying to resolve a situation. Post ended up a squabble between other posters !

Mehitabel6 · 30/12/2015 08:34

I don't go on netmums but it is certainly trotted out by some people on here. Parroted by some children - 'you can't tell me off - you are not my mummy' - yes I can tell you off and I will if I want to!