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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
Mehitabel6 · 30/12/2015 07:48

LyndanotLinda put mine early on. The weird advice that it is safer to take babies and toddlers across a garage forecourt than leave them in the car.
She is always quite right that someone always pops up to tell you that it is illegal to leave a child under 16 yrs alone. Well said Liney - people who tell you it is illegal then cite the NSPCC who have guidelines and there is no need to clog their phone lines you can read them on their website but they don't actually know your children or your situation so you do not have follow them.
There are no 'common law' rights for the unmarried.
I am always amazed at how confrontational a lot of the advice is - no idea that tact and diplomacy actually get you much further in life.

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals · 30/12/2015 07:48

Get a nannyHmm
Get a cleanerConfused
Become a childminderBiscuit

Yup, because its just as easy as that when you're at the end of your tether......

Molecule · 30/12/2015 07:51

Employment advice is often very ropey. You have virtually no rights to unfair dismissal for the first two years, but many posters seem to think you do and so advise all sorts of strategies. There should be a warning on the employment threads saying only listen to certain named posters.

Anyone advocating the magic chicken/feed your family for £25/week should be forced to give details of family size and age. There is a huge difference between mummy, daddy, toddler and mummy, daddy and four fast growing teenagers/young adults. Mind you I should have chucked the young adult out by now, and as eighteen year olds are adult she should follow, and then the chicken could weave its magic again.

Enjolrass · 30/12/2015 07:52

I hate the 'check his phone and even if you don't find something tell him you checked it and hint that you did find something.... If he gets angry you know he is cheating'

Especially when the OP posts something like 'dh has been a bit grumpy lately and I am worried he is stressed out'

Fwiw, if my dh went through my phone I would go mad. It's my phone and I am allowed privacy. If he then hinted he found something there I would leave him. It's so manipulative and underhand.

The 'kick him out' without knowing who owns the house etc

The 'you have rights to half the house' when the op has clearly said DP not dh so not married and there is no information about the tenancy or mortgage.

Complain to ofsted, go to the school and refuse to move until they sort the issue, go to the GP and refuse to move until they treat your child etc.

PrincessMouse · 30/12/2015 07:53

I never realised how many people were friends with, related to or in relationships with misogynistic narcissists until I joined MN quite a few years ago. Grin

NorksAreMessy · 30/12/2015 07:54

The advice that upsets me most is when a poster complains about the behaviour of her DH, children, neighbour etc and is advised to behave in a similar way 'to show them'

"My neighbour plays really loud music until 11pm"
" well, you should get up at 5am and play loud music"

"My DH always leaves his shoes where I can trip over them"
"You should leave a trail of shoes between the bedroom and the loo in the middle of the night"

"FiL calls my son by the wrong name"
"You should call him the wrong name all the time until he stops"

The ONLY thing this will achieve is loss of the moral high ground for you and a general escalation of the situation.
I wish I had a shorthand way of saying this every time I see it on a thread

Watchatalltimes · 30/12/2015 07:55

I've just thought of two more, the first one being that whenever a poster is having trouble with their DCs school, home ed is always mentioned, despite the OP saying that they work full time and are unable to do so.

Also if a poster mentions that they are desperately short of money, some people say to the OP, "Can't you get your shopping delivered online?" Not really helpful when the minimum amount to get it delivered is £25 and you only have a small amount in your bank account to last a month.

Enjolrass · 30/12/2015 07:56

Oh and in the last few weeks I have seen

'If you don't have enough money start your own business'

I did just that. Started a business because I could see our other one failing. It worked. It was fucking hard and I used my savings to do. In my case it paid off but it's not easy or realistic for it to be an option for everyone.

And yesterday 'why do you earn less than your dh. This year make sure you get a job that earns twice as much as him'

As though just going out and getting an immensely well paid job is easy and just a case of going out and getting one.

As though

futureme · 30/12/2015 07:56

We could all afford private school if we just cut back on holidays and new cars.

(And what's wrong with the nspcc? Its not another kids academy is it??)

JohnLuther · 30/12/2015 07:57

'Go NC' is trotted out far too often without fully understanding the consequences.

LineyReborn · 30/12/2015 07:57

Ah, the 'Show Them' Strategy of Doom, Norks.

Toughasoldboots · 30/12/2015 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 30/12/2015 07:58

People not acknowledging that getting to big (cheap) superstores costs money in the form of bus fares/petrol and that online delivery requires a minimum spend. When you have £15 to last the week and the only shop within walking distance is the Co-Op, posts saying "shop at Aldi" are not very helpful!

Enjolrass · 30/12/2015 07:59

We could all afford private school if we just cut back on holidays and new cars.

I was told this in real life. A friend who out her son in private school told me 'you can afford it, you just find the money and have to cut back a little....it's about making it a priority'

I just told her she didn't live in the real world. Plus I had two kids compared to her one. She just couldn't grasp that not everyone could afford it.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 30/12/2015 07:59

x-post watch

Tabsicle · 30/12/2015 08:03

DC at university should financially fend for themselves/loans should cover it/can get a third job.

Loans etc all presume parental contributions. None of them cover everything.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/12/2015 08:03

Absolutely report any incidents to the police, that's never going to be wrong, but like PP said, they are told that the police can log it, and nobody will be spoken to or investigated, it's just there 'in case'

writingonthewall · 30/12/2015 08:04

See your GP and get signed off with stress.

Because all GPs are happy to just dish out sick notes because you don't like your manager

DinosaursRoar · 30/12/2015 08:05

The one that annoys me is when a woman is complaining that childcare is more than they earn so had to give up work, "remember your DP/H should pay half too", as if everyone keeps completely separate finances rather than having handy things like joint accounts. It doesn't seem to compute that if as a family you have more going out in bills than coming in then it's a loss, however you officially parcel it up.

BoboChic · 30/12/2015 08:08

Very much agree with that, Dinosaurs. It's as if no-one has ever heard of management accounting or ABC. No wonder women are less well off financially than men!

tilder · 30/12/2015 08:08

'I've done my research' aka I've Googled and found some websites that back up my viewpoint.

sotiredofthis1 · 30/12/2015 08:09

Just rock/feed your baby to sleep as long as they want, they'll sleep through when they're ready.

In fairness I think this is actually true - it's what my dc did - it's just that they didn't do it until they were 2 to 3 years old Grin.

tilder · 30/12/2015 08:09

Yy dinosaur. I find that one really patronising.

ilovesooty · 30/12/2015 08:09

Oh yes. Change the locks and dump his clothes in the garden. Hmm

Just call in sick (even if you aren't)
Tell the school your children are all sick for a week while you bugger off to Disney land - it's your human and family right to go on holiday abroad.
It's your choice to be offended - you'll be happier if you can make the choice not to be distressed by bullying, exclusion and discrimination.

honkinghaddock · 30/12/2015 08:09

"They all get there in the end.."
"If you tell them a few times they won't do it anymore"

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