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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
Choughed · 30/12/2015 07:14

DC having problems at university? Parents can intervene. No they can't. University isn't school. The contract is with the (adult) student. The parent is almost totally irrelevant.

catfordbetty · 30/12/2015 07:18

You have a problem with your child"s teacher and/or school. Complain immediately to Ofsted. (Even better, complain to Offstead.)

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 07:20

Oh and the idea that social services operate like some kiddy snatch squad and that if your child is seen in a grubby T-shirt or drinking a fruit-shoot, social services will kick down your door, tear your children from your grasp and bundle your kids into the back of a transit van, never to be seen again.

The process for getting a care order is difficult, lengthy and cash strapped local authorities won't apply for or get a court order unless the risk to the child is immediate or intervention after intervention has failed.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/12/2015 07:21

'Check your partner's phone/emails etc' - I have never cheated on a partner but if I found that my partner had checked my phone or emails, he would be gone!

lavenderhoney · 30/12/2015 07:22

My solicitor gave me a free half hour which actually turned into two and a half hours of free time which neither of us were expecting.

Also, if I hadn't have collected financials before I left I would have been completely stuffed when arguing his form e. Actually I'm still stuffed but perhaps not so much.

The local police were happy to have been logged about potiential dv and swung by to check I was ok. They also gave me advice about staying safe.

I left but I didn't have anyone else! Ex was convinced I did and make a fucking nuisance of himself all over the place. I felt like making up a dp just to appease his ego in the end and get him to leave me alone.

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 07:25

Ditto Drusilla. I've nvercheated and would never do so, if I found my partner had been going through private emails/texts the relationship would be over, there and then.

It goes back to the idea that the advice here can have a real effect and could wreck a relationship for no good reason.

OP posts:
KeyserSophie · 30/12/2015 07:26

Give them Calpol to help them sleep

Calpol is paracetamol and has absolutely no sedative effect whatsoever (thank God, or all the adults taking it would be regularly ploughing their cars into ditches having fallen asleep at the wheel.)

LineyReborn · 30/12/2015 07:26

My personal favourite - 'phone the NSPCC for advice', as though they are the supreme authority overseeing all social services and policy for children, rather than the strange money-sucking call-forwarding job creation scheme for advertising executives that they really are.

Kennington · 30/12/2015 07:27

Child has a temp for a couple of days
Stingy wee wee once or twice
Child looking groggy for a day
Go to the docs and then complain when they treat you like an idiot. What is done with your complaint exactly? Do you think all GPs are struck off or reprimanded over having a rubbish day and being "short" with people with minor complaints?
Give them some paracetamol and it will pass. If it doesn't then go and see the doc. But don't expect a warm welcome.

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 07:27

Liney amen to that!

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/12/2015 07:28

That's my point - not every issue is the same so the advice given shouldn't be the same. If you can get financial info, great, but if you can't then that needn't stop you leaving/throwing them out.

'Change locks/empty joint account' - again why would you do this on the suggestion of a stranger when your solicitor/CAB can advise you of your legal rights.

If you are going to consult a solicitor, surely it's better to take their advice rather than just following advice from randomers on the Internet.

Watchatalltimes · 30/12/2015 07:29

I'm sure there was a thread on here where a poster had an abcess as did her DH but he was in more pain than she was and posters were telling her that he should go to A & E, it was a busy Friday night, if I remember. He did go and was given a shot of morphine as that was all they could give him. Some posters at this point were advising her to make him go back to A & E and demand a Maxillofacial specialist be brought to see him. Hmm. Also the spa day and the magic chicken that lasts a week seem to be mentioned on a regular basis.

zzzzz · 30/12/2015 07:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KERALA1 · 30/12/2015 07:31

That you are "entitled" to free legal advice from solicitors.

That you get rights from being a "common law wife"

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/12/2015 07:32

I find the "he/she should be banned from your house. I'd never see them again" advice about any misdemeanour a friend/relation has made - usually pil but often others as well - quite staggering.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/12/2015 07:33

Kennington Oh yes I have always been impressed by the ability of unqualified amateurs being able to diagnose a child over the Internet!

Liney Oh yes - I'm always Confused about that too - I have visions of NSPCC and the police having lots of people manning the phones to log bollocks/advise on child safety concerns as appropriate

TheBunnyOfDoom · 30/12/2015 07:34

"Send him to his mum's and change the locks - don't let him back in". Yeah, unless the house is in your name alone, you can't actually DO that. Doesn't stop posters telling the OP to do it on every single thread about an argument with a partner, though.

"Get a nanny!" to people who say they don't like their nursery/childminder. Because nanny's are free and don't cost any money at all! /sarcasm.

"He must be cheating/have an OW. Men don't leave their wife/children unless there's someone else!" - because apparently men can't be upset in relationships and just want to leave. Only women can do that.

Junosmum · 30/12/2015 07:35

liney thank heaven someone else understands the nspcc!

jimijack · 30/12/2015 07:37

Take the child to a&e, call out of hour dr straight away..(.because there is of course) a whole room of them waiting for your call about your child with a temperature....

Don't bother with 111 they are shit, just take the kid to a&e...that makes me scream at the screen, fucking stupidity, utter stupidity.

My very favourite is...
To the mum struggling with 3 under 3, no money for food shopping & house a mess (totally overwhelmed with everything)..."just get a cleaner, if they come just once a week it will make all the difference".

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/12/2015 07:38

Is it just me, or is this incredibly cathartic 😆

Toughasoldboots · 30/12/2015 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDowagerCuntess · 30/12/2015 07:40

Calpol is paracetamol and has absolutely no sedative effect whatsoever (thank God, or all the adults taking it would be regularly ploughing their cars into ditches having fallen asleep at the wheel.)

I haven't dished this advice out, but I don't think people are implying that calpol causes babies/children to sleep - but rather, that they will be more likely to be able to sleep, having taken a painkiller.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 30/12/2015 07:41

The answer is... Three healthy meals a day

kungpopanda · 30/12/2015 07:42

if your child is seen in a grubby T-shirt or drinking a fruit-shoot, social services will kick down your door, tear your children from your grasp and bundle your kids into the back of a transit van, never to be seen again.

Oh well, froot-shoots are off the shopping list, washing powder back on, then. Xmas Wink

LineyReborn · 30/12/2015 07:46

Re the 'logging' of incidents. Of course people should report DV. Properly report it, resulting in visits and statements and support.

The advice on 'logging' though makes it sound like you can just ring up the police and have them jot down what you are saying in a log book by the police phone and then that's it.