Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
40somethingwonderful · 30/12/2015 09:06

It's the posters that comment and give advice on something the OP has not ask for advice on. Any ideas on what I can cook for dinner as we have people coming at 9, cue lots of replies on why are you eating so late and why do you have people coming round etc, and the ones who will get called controlling because they have asked something about their husbands activities.

My dh is wonderful 95% of the time and I was once told under a different username to ltb over some silly row which proved he had red flags with a potential to escalate.

anastasialow · 30/12/2015 09:09

"What does this relationship give you?"

"What do you see in this person?"

Which are not actually questions but ways to humiliate the OP into retreating.

If the OP had been able to resolve all their mixed up feelings and boil them down to indifference, then they would have done so and not bothered posting

IrenetheQuaint · 30/12/2015 09:11

The belief held by many posters here that if a 14 or 15 year old girl is having consensual sex with a boy that is 'statutory rape'.

I have posted quotes from the relevant legislation on several occasions but it makes absolutely no difference.

lavenderhoney · 30/12/2015 09:12

Livia and dipank- I know I was lucky. I asked after 30 mins if we should stop and I wasn't ready to incur costs at that point and was told they would be happy to carry on and not charge me due to the nature of the problems I was facing. They were very kind and gave me lots of advice.

I saw another one for comparison and they stopped talking at dead on 30 mins mid sentance and said if I wanted more it would be £350 an hour and to book for the next week or so on my way out.

TheBestChocolateIsFree · 30/12/2015 09:12

I've definitely seen some iffy "they all get there in the end/at their own pace" comments. It's factually inaccurate, it's offensive because it comes with an unspoken "well obviously not those children, but they don't count", and in some cases it's used where the OP's child clearly might need intervention not reassurance (eg a late talker who needs a proper hearing test immediately).

And the fifty pound note test for flu winds me up something chronic. In an epidemic/quarantine situation it's a misapprehension which could kill.

The common law wife nonsense is always stomped on quickly thank heavens.

Havingafieldday · 30/12/2015 09:14

My favourite is the advice to ignore Ofsted reports, it doesn't matter if Ofsted has a list as long as it's arm of failings within the school, that children are leaving in droves, that the council are putting in huge teams to deal with the issues, you should still choose the school because it will be outstanding in 3 months.

IrenetheQuaint · 30/12/2015 09:14

Actually anastasia I do sometimes ask posters what are the good points of their relationship/OH. It can be quite illuminating as sometimes it turns out that the DH is a decent chap who is being a bit of a twat because of work stress, while other times he will appear to have no redeeming qualities whatever.

Pipistrella · 30/12/2015 09:14

I doubt the only advice given regarding getting babies to 'self settle' (myth IMO) was to co sleep. MN is full of people who advocate various sleep training methods. I'm not one of them, but it is very much a mixed bag when it comes to that subject.

The 'only' advice is never just to co sleep. Depending on the age of your child - it'll be anything from CC to shush pat to gradual retreat to CIO.

northern78 · 30/12/2015 09:16

It only takes 2 hours to clean the house from top to bottom including laundry etc etc. Well that depends on ow pigged up the house is how big and number of dc etc etc and in our case the amount of stuff we own (have lying around).

northern78 · 30/12/2015 09:18

2 hours was an example. Some manage to narrow each task down to minutes. Ha ha.

Siwi · 30/12/2015 09:19

Go to your GP for x, y, z, etc.
And all your problems will magically disappear!

I have a thread atm in a different name and I am sure it is just a matter of time...

Siwi · 30/12/2015 09:21

I suspect that some posters are sponsored by drug companies.

northern78 · 30/12/2015 09:21

I hate the ones where you moan about you dh being lazy and opting out snd you get why did you have dc with him? Well newsflash people change.

Lovelydiscusfish · 30/12/2015 09:22

I really struggle with it when people insist that a woman is under a moral obligation to report an attack/abuse she has experienced to the police, and that if she doesn't she is morally responsible for any future attacks the perpetrator may carry out. It takes victim blaming to a whole new level!
Furthermore, the idea that reporting will always improve the survivor's life, and get her the outcome she wants, is simply naive. Has anyone seen the conviction rate for reported rape? It is not 100%.
I'm not anti women reporting rape/attacks/abuse, obviously, but it has to be a decision for the woman herself to make, considering all the ramifications - not something she should be guilt-tripped into by a lot of strangers on the internet.

I also hate the "your child, your rules" thing. As if children are the possessions of their parents, subject to their absolutely sovereignty. Thankfully, we live in a society where this is not the case, and there are, indeed, actually laws in place providing "rules" for how people should treat their children.

northern78 · 30/12/2015 09:25

Love the your problem is because you earn half what your dh does. Go out and get a job which earns double his salary.

Takeparacetamolandstopmoaning · 30/12/2015 09:26

"I doubt the only advice given regarding getting babies to 'self settle' (myth IMO) was to co sleep. MN is full of people who advocate various sleep training methods. I'm not one of them, but it is very much a mixed bag when it comes to that subject.

The 'only' advice is never just to co sleep. Depending on the age of your child - it'll be anything from CC to shush pat to gradual retreat to CIO."

Well I'm not making it up Hmm

Takeparacetamolandstopmoaning · 30/12/2015 09:31

Thebestchovolateisfree

"And the fifty pound note test for flu winds me up something chronic. In an epidemic/quarantine situation it's a misapprehension which could kill."

How could it kill? There won't be an actual £50 note in your garden ;)

MadamCroquette · 30/12/2015 09:31

"LTB" can be good advice if a poster needs permission to get rid when that's what they really want. Or when there are no DC and no ties.

But in a lot of cases it's really not that simple and especially when an unpleasant, abusive or neglectful ex would then get access to the DC and get to spend large amounts of time in sole charge of them. I can totally understand why some people would hesitate and decide to stay with a partner like that, maybe until the DC are old enough to look after themselves and have a say about contact. "Staying together for the sake of the kids" could mean that, very literally, you need to protect your kids from having to deal with the ex without you there. Or as a recent poster said, suffering being without them 50% of the time and not being able to bear it. I support posters who say they know it's over, but they are not ready to make that move yet. Pressuring them to LTB and "the kids will be fine, they'll be happier if you are happier" - well you don't know that. The poster may well know that they wouldn't be happier being forcibly removed from her (/him) regularly.

Similarly with "my H plays playstation all day, refuses to look after the toddlers, forgets to feed them and leaves them in a shitty nappy for 12 hours" and the advice "go away for the weekend and leave him to it". I wouldn't leave my DC in that kind of care!

spanieleyes · 30/12/2015 09:32

All the school admissions advice that would end up with the OP having zero chance of getting entry to any school, let alone the one she wants!
No, the council will not have to allocate your precious to a specific school if that is the only one you put down or if you put it down six times, or if your mother's best friend's second cousin twice removed once went so you want your child to go too!

ArcticCactus · 30/12/2015 09:33

Not so much mumsnet (which remains reasonably sceptical and grounded, more the Facebook groups for mums abroad I'm in...

"I have abdominal pain, bloating and rectal bleeding."

"Ooh, it's gluten! (Or dairy) immediately remove these from your diet. Or drink this overpriced aloe shit."

No, go to the fucking doctors and check you've not got gallbladder issues, h pylori or sodding ovarian cancer

The number of people touting these magic bullet remedies and discouraging people from seeing an actual doctor is terrifying. One of these women actually said, and I quote, "I don't believe in evidence based medicine."

I mean where do you even start with that?

PatriciaJones · 30/12/2015 09:34

What is the £50 note test?

MadamCroquette · 30/12/2015 09:35

Yes cactus I hear a lot of that in RL too - but I do agree MN is pretty good for this. If there's any of that nonsense, someone more informed will always say no, it could be this or that but you must see the GP.

notarehearsal · 30/12/2015 09:35

I bought my Grandson a fruit shoot recently and my DD was horrified. In my defence I'd never heard of them and thought she may approve of a healthy drink instead of water for the 2 year old. I know missing the point and should pay more attention to MN

TheBestChocolateIsFree · 30/12/2015 09:36

Because if people are told "stay at home/keep quarantine/stay away from vulnerable people if you have flu" (and actually that would be meaningless advice anyway if the fifty pound note test applied because nobody with flu would be capable of going to work/visiting their doctor etc) then a mistaken belief that unless you are incapacitated and hallucinating you can't have flu would lead people to make unsafe choices.

SaoirseLikeInertia · 30/12/2015 09:39

Not advice as such but posters who read the op, ignore any replies/updates and jump in with their response, which might be irrelevant at that point.

OP: I think I might be unreasonable about xyz
20 posters reply: yes yabu
OP: Fair enough, ta
20 posters: good for you OP (virtual high-fives all round)
Poster #41: You are SO UNREASONABLE. Can't believe you thought otherwise
OP: yes, indeed... I have already conceded that aibu

Three days later

Poster#42: haven't rtft but omg yabvvvvvvvvvvvu