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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
Toraleistripe · 31/12/2015 12:19

LTB and go NC. It is never that simple. And sometimes you know relationships CAN be repaired.

ComposHatComesBack · 31/12/2015 12:22

I think that is the nub of it CBA along with the factually wrong advice, there's the tendency to universalise their own experience and not realise that what was right for them isn't always right for people in different circumstances, be that social, economic, health or geographic.

OP posts:
unlucky83 · 31/12/2015 12:33

thanks Beyond...not that I have any plans -or think DP has - but you never know..

HortonWho · 31/12/2015 12:37

Hobnob, can you please provide a link that says ofsted does nothing about your complaint until you follow a complaints procedure with a care provider?

It is absolutely not true. Once, a nursery I had my kids had an ofsted complaint lodged. The management was particularly disappointed that the parent(s) didn't approach any member of staff beforehand.

I also had a friend who complained directly to ofsted about her childminder. She did not notify the childminder beforehand.

bumbleymummy · 31/12/2015 12:42

I suppose it would depend on the seriousness of the complaint or who it was about. If you had a complaint about the conduct of the manager of the nursery then would the internal complaints procedure actually get you anywhere?

hibbleddible · 31/12/2015 13:36

Agree with others 'LTB' is rather unhelpful.

  1. It is never that easy.

  2. The poster needs to be financially and emotionally ready to do so.

  3. If the poster is in an abusive relationship this can be very dangerous.

hibbleddible · 31/12/2015 13:41

Also the bleating about waiting till 6 months to wean like some kind of mantra, no matter how ready the baby is for food.

The evidence is pretty equivocal regarding weaning at 6 months vs 4 months, and the advantages of waiting till 6 months largely only apply for exclusively breast fed babies, of which there are few.

Jibberjabberjooo · 31/12/2015 13:43

I think it depends how you wean as well though, if you're doing blw or purée. But just as annoying is the 'your baby your rulez' advice that get trotted out not necessarily on this site.

Micah · 31/12/2015 13:58

Hibbledibble that isnt incorrect or useless advice made up by mn posters though, it is nhs and who advice.

Whatever your own opinion, advising weaning at 6 months isnt wrong.

Toraleistripe · 31/12/2015 14:04

Use of the term 'red flag' winds me up.

babybarrister · 31/12/2015 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/12/2015 14:29

hibble

Agree the official advice had been somewhat misinterpreted, it's around 6 months not at the stroke of midnight in their half birthday does the Gut Fairy wave her wand and make baby ready for food.

Not before 17 weeks is cut off for weaning, after that it is up to the parents based on their baby.

tilder · 31/12/2015 14:37

I thought the 6 month advice was who advice and not NHS? That it takes account of issues around availability of clean water etc? I also thought there was a review or something as it shouldn't be a hard and fast rule? Happy to be corrected.

Love the thought of a gut fairy. The number of times I have seen a poster with a five month old that no longer sleeps through, has increased feeds and is very hard to keep fed be told 'you must not wean before 6 months'.

Takeparacetamolandstopmoaning · 31/12/2015 14:39

No 6M is NHS advice too and they are trying very hard to get the message across that your baby your way Hun is bollocks

AvengingGerbil · 31/12/2015 14:44

But 15 years ago the NHS advice was 4 months. In five years time it will probably be 8. Or 4 again. Babies differ.

Takeparacetamolandstopmoaning · 31/12/2015 14:52

Well you could say that about any advice couldn't you? A huge amount of medical advice has changed in 15 years. You wouldn't carry on smoking during pregnancy or giving your baby phengagan to sleep just because they thought it was ok 30 years ago would you? I don't get that argument, it's nonsensical. Anyway this thread is about giving incorrect advice

Bogeyface · 31/12/2015 14:53

When DS was a baby 25 years ago the advice was 3 months, I was told by the paed at the clinic to wean him at 10 weeks as he was "clearly" hungry and needed it. Looking back I am not sure he did but you did what the doctor told you.

I can understand why parents who were weaned early themselves on the advice of doctors might think "it didnt do me any harm!", which is where the "your bubs your rulz" comes from.

unlucky83 · 31/12/2015 15:25

I have a 6yr age gap - I weaned DD1 at 4 months ...so I started weaning DD2 at 4 months -when the HV found out she wasn't impressed and said the guidelines had changed and I should stop (after over a week) and go back to just bf....I was Hmm
So I looked at the WHO guidelines and the research it was based on. Disclaimer - more research may have come out since! But that advice was from research in Belarus or similar...and was about the incidence of D&V. Not surprisingly babies EXCLUSIVELY bf had a lower incidence than those mixed fed or weaned - and babies seemed to be safer from possible complications from D&V over the age of 6 months - in fact the older the better really but iron supplies are running out by 6 months...
So I carried on weaning - especially as the HV advice when I said well she never seemed full, always seems hungry was to give her a bottle of hungry baby formula Hmm....I felt the same about that as giving babies vitamins/iron supplements to get them through to 6 months.

I know people will say that breast milk has a higher nutritional content than most foods offered on weaning - but I think actually babies want to feel something bulky in their stomachs.
And changes in advice - midwives from the 60s to late 80s/early 90s recommended babies were put down to sleep on their fronts -then they didn't choke on vomit. Afaik there are no figures on levels of cot death prior to the front to sleep advice but we do know that the 'back to sleep' advice has greatly reduced the incidence...

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/12/2015 16:19

Babies need food from 6 months because their iron stores start depleting. That doesn't mean they can't be ready for food at 24 weeks. Milk still remains the main source of nutrition until a year old.

Rana Conway's book is quite informative on this issue.

NHS advice will always be somewhat simplified as they need the lowest common denominator to understand it. Granted it is usually the lowest common denominator who can be found trying to feed their 12 week old purée these days.

Trills · 31/12/2015 16:21

It didn't do me any harm is selection bias anyway - the people who it DID do harm are dead and so not here tot ell you about it.

(for any given "it", not necessarily weaning)

ComposHatComesBack · 31/12/2015 16:29

Yep I was trying to explain this is to my dad. He was spaffing on about 'you never had kids with fatal nut allergies in my day'

Well yes, because they died.

OP posts:
Jibberjabberjooo · 31/12/2015 16:33

The 'well it didn't do me any harm' retort drives me bonkers. Neither did my parents putting me in a carry cot in the back of the car, but you wouldn't do it now.

bumbleymummy · 31/12/2015 16:42

Trills, they're not necessarily dead but they may be unlikely to attribute their allergies/intolerances/general health issues to early weaning even if they do have them. So they may genuinely think 'it didn't do me any harm'.

LittleBeautyBelle · 31/12/2015 16:47

agree with olddear about the constant urging for people to go to counseling. I'm sure it is a good thing, but I don't think it always solves the problems.

The other thing is people are always advising to "ignore" and "don't let it bother you" people that the person posting is having a problem with. Sometimes the problem can't be ignored, and it doesn't really help with the overwhelming/fed up feelings the op is experiencing, hence the post in the first place.

Trills · 31/12/2015 17:12

Good point bumbleymummy

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