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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
Toughasoldboots · 31/12/2015 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OVienna · 31/12/2015 11:50

I just saw the 'you can always home school' on another thread. Never seen it before. Mind boggles.

ComposHatComesBack · 31/12/2015 11:51

Nikki the discussion is about duff advice regarding marriage status that gets doled out and what a person may be entitled too should they separate, so very much on-topic.

Which is very different to what you and another poster were doing with your private spat last night.

OP posts:
BeyondCBA · 31/12/2015 11:52

"No matter how bad the marriage, both partners are entitled to live in the house"

That isnt strictly true, locks can be changed if you are in fear of physical harm, but i dont know the exact details of that.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 31/12/2015 11:55

In reality if you change the locks nobody is going to do a thing about it other than to order you to provide the other party with a key.

Or refuse to stop them breaking in providing they are not intimidating when they do

NickiFury · 31/12/2015 11:55

I'm surprised you would call it a "private spat" considering that I tried to put a stop to it more than once and made it quite clear I wasn't interested in an argument, just joining in the conversation, not to mention the fact that I posted far less than other posters involved in the discussion. Sorry if this is "de-railing" again but I will always challenge purposeful misapprehension of my posts where I see it. I was happy to leave it until someone else decided to discuss it inaccurately 12 hours later.

NickiFury · 31/12/2015 11:57

Who decides what's "on topic" then? You?

bumbleymummy · 31/12/2015 11:59

Funny Nicki, I was just wondering the same thing. FWIW I felt that you misread/didn't read my posts (deliberately or otherwise). Another poster picked up on the same things that I did. So you could choose to see it as a misunderstanding/difference of opinion rather than someone just trying to have an argument with you.

The common law marriage thing is interesting. I have seen it come up a few times but I was under the same impression as Blu - that on MN, marriage is suggested to protect the woman rather than relying on rights from co-habiting etc.

VegetablEsoup · 31/12/2015 12:00

wills can be changed quickly and one-sided. your partner could just go and write a new one that doesn't include you at all.

Takeparacetamolandstopmoaning · 31/12/2015 12:00

"In reality if you change the locks nobody is going to do a thing about it other than to order you to provide the other party with a key.

Or refuse to stop them breaking in providing they are not intimidating when they do"

So true and this sort of thing is what I was referring to earlier- as if doing something illegal is not possible. Of
Course it is. Do it, see what he does. Chances are high he won't even think of calling the police and getting them to force you to give them a key. Even if he does, what do you think they're going to do? No big deal. Give it a go, if the police get involved say sorry and provide key. The risks are small.

BeyondCBA · 31/12/2015 12:01

Whilst it did stray OT for a while, i wouldnt call it a "spat", nor would i proportion equal blame.

Oh and fwiw i agree that some things ring asd alarm bells. They cant neccessarily be put into a tangible list though imo.

NickiFury · 31/12/2015 12:01

I'm not getting into it with you again Bumbley you are utterly irrelevant to me on this board. Not sure why I need to keep telling you this Confused

BeyondCBA · 31/12/2015 12:03

Anywho, back to advice.

They wont saction you so long as you xyz.

ComposHatComesBack · 31/12/2015 12:03

I'm sorry if you feel that way and like you I have no desire to take over the coals of a 12 hour old. 'heated discussion' But really if there's something you want to debate on this issue, please can you do so on a separate thread? I really didn't start this thread to turn into a bunfight, I thought it might be fun and/or informative rather than bunfighty and wildly off topic.

OP posts:
doitanyways · 31/12/2015 12:03

Nicki, I'm completely with you and am Confused at some being critical of you and stating it is a 'private spat' when you did try to stop it repeatedly!

bumbleymummy · 31/12/2015 12:03

OVienna, I'm not sure what context you saw that in but HE is an option that some people may not have been aware of/considered before. It's not always a bad suggestion, depending on circumstances.

bumbleymummy · 31/12/2015 12:04

I agree that it wasn't 'private'. Plenty of people seemed to want to join in Hmm

Toughasoldboots · 31/12/2015 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeyondCBA · 31/12/2015 12:08

'It's just a bunch of cells' drives me loopy. Unless very early, no it isnt. That doesnt mean abortion isnt right for you, but it isnt just a bunch of cells.

unlucky83 · 31/12/2015 12:08

OK minor derail - but foragogo - I've often wondered that...if DP walked away now I would be fine - this house is mainly mine (and we have one that is mainly his - we could buy each other out and be equal), I have enough money in the bank to look after me (and DCs if nec) for a good few years ...and if we die our wills are sorted etc etc.
Years ago talking to our solicitor (in Scotland) about maybe the house thing - I said something about not being married and protecting my assets/needing security especially whilst DCs were little and he said not to worry too much as I had some protection anyway. Now wondering if that was before the 2006 act or not? (Although I don't think I would have been covered anyway). Still not overly worried though...
And is it possible that if you have your own assets marriage might actually be a bad thing - you stand to lose half of them on divorce? (having said that DP and I are pretty equal at the moment but I want to make sure my money goes to my DCs - it can't get 'lost' if he went on a mad spending spree before we divorced and then he remarried. (which is actually covered in the wills - we (DP or I) have to write DCs a cheque for a certain amount when they reach 25 - if the one of us has died...).

NickiFury · 31/12/2015 12:10

Fair enough compo Smile I just wanted to be quite clear that there was no malicious intent behind my posts. I cannot speak for others however.

bumbleymummy · 31/12/2015 12:11

Just thought of some really useful advice that is often given on MN and seems relevant - RTFT. Or, to be more specific, read people's posts properly so you don't go off on tangents arguing about what you think they said.

I did not say that there were not behaviours that are often associated with ASD. Key word from last night: distinctive

I would love to move on from this too but, like Nicki, I feel inclined to correct people when they keep misrepresenting what I said. Agree that it's bad form for someone to drag it all up 12 hours later when the thread had moved on.

ComposHatComesBack · 31/12/2015 12:12

Tough I wasn't apportioning blame or trying to tell people what they can or can't post, it was until the thread took shall we say a de tour, I had found it enjoyable, good natured and informative. A pity it couldn't stay that way.

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 31/12/2015 12:14

"No one gets to decide how the conversation goes either, lots of them meander off and get discussed at tangents."

Yes to this. Derailng accusations are often thrown around because people are trying to shut others down.

BeyondCBA - yes, I think that too. Particularly when so many women, myself included, have lost very much loved and wanted 'bundles of cells'. It seems very dismissive.

BeyondCBA · 31/12/2015 12:15

Unlucky, yes if the woman is the sole house owner and sole earner and the man is a cocklodger who contributes nothing, it can be bad advice that "all women have to marry to protect themselves"