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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what incorrect or useless advice gets repeatedly doled out here?

587 replies

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 06:40

Aside from the ubiquitous 'book a spa day and leave him to deal with the kids.' There are a few old chestnuts that get rolled out regularly despite them being useless or counterproductive.

Every time there's a thread on mislabeled goods, someone will come on to the thread, absolutely adamant that the shop have to sell at that mis-labelled price.

On debates about baby on board stickers, there will be people who will be adamant that they are recommended by or useful to the emergency services. As if a team of highly trained rescue team is going to think 'sod it, I can't see a garish daddy's little princess sticker, let's not bother checking in the back'.

Those are just mostly annoying, but I sometimes worry about poorly-informed blowhards merrily typing in bad advice without thinking of the consequences. The stock response to landlords dragging their feat over repairs: 'get a tradesperson in to do the work and then send the bill/get them to send the bill to the landlord'

  • Yeah because once you've explained that, no you don't actually own the house and you won't be actually paying them for the work or the materials, but instead will be forwarding the bill to a landlord who's shown no inclination to fix the problem so far, so in all likelihood they'll never see a penny, you'll have tradespeople fighting like rats in a sack to take on the job.

Even more daft and dangerous is the advice to 'withhold the rent and use the money to fix the problem' which puts some poor sod at risk of eviction.

And more than once, i've seen posters with mortgage arrears or negative equity being told to ' hand back the keys to the mortgage provider and walk away' as if thebank or building society are then going to think 'yeah fair dos' forget about the mortgage debt.'

I hope to God no one has taken this useless and at times dangerous advice at face value!

OP posts:
SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 30/12/2015 22:43

Fair enough I did say they were pointless.
I was told by a member of the FS about the looking around not in car. (They also look in the boot).

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 22:51

Correct Micah here's the link Baby on board stickers

OP posts:
Maryz · 30/12/2015 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 30/12/2015 22:57

Ah thinking about it what the Firefighter may have meant was those stickers are a pain because if they see one they start checking for a baby that isn't there (because they can get thrown) and he wished ppl would take them out of their cars.

I stand corrected.

But certainly the "precious princess on board" always made me think congratulations you procreated not I had better drive differently (because I don't particularly want to endanger adults either)

ComposHatComesBack · 30/12/2015 23:16

People who talk about RG universities as though they're the British equivalent of the American Ivy League.

I know, they are a self selecting cartel of research intensive universities, not a reflection of research quality, let alone teaching quality. Certainly the Russell Group I completed my PhD and Masters at were completely out performed in the REF by non-Russell Group institutions and - whisper it - some of those dreadful ex-polys.

OP posts:
GeordieJeannie · 30/12/2015 23:41

If your child is a fussy eater just starve them for a while. They will soon start eating anything you put in front of them.

Bollocks.

Karanka · 30/12/2015 23:55

For me, it's posters whose default advice is to hire someone to do it for you - hire a cleaner/au pair/decorator/blah. The idea that some people may not have the wherewithal or willingness to do speaks volumes about the bubble some posters inhabit.

Maryz · 31/12/2015 00:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sugar21 · 31/12/2015 00:22

Well I see this thread has moved on slightly while I was working.
As I said upthread if I have experienced something myself I will offer advice if not I don't post.
I know nothing about asd etc so I won't comment.
Don't like princess on board or anything hanging in my clapped out focus.
Agree about people living in a bubble. Deal with these types every day as I work in an hotel
Saw a guest using her tablet and reading Mn a couple of hours ago.
Thank you to everyone who sent flowers yes there are some nasty people around but mostly nice people who have helped me

ComposHatComesBack · 31/12/2015 00:38

Simplistic advice rarely works. If it was that simple, the op would have thought of it hmm

Yes, like when they bellow 'buy a car' in response to any complaints about public transport.

Do they really think the op struggling to squeeze her pushchair onto an overcrowded bus is thinking 'someone could invent a smaller version with maybe five or so seats that people could drive themselves around in. If they did, i could go wherever I liked.' Imagine her joy when she checks her thread on mumsnet to find that ta helpful poster had informed her that the machine she'd conceived of in her imagination was actually a reality and was called 'car'.

OP posts:
Enjolrass · 31/12/2015 07:21

The trust your instinct is often rubbish. Especially when it's followed 'your instincts are never wrong'.

Of course they are.

One of my best friends is a man and were shopping for his girlfriends Christmas present. She called him and asked where he was as he wasn't at his place of work. He said 'at Starbucks grabbing coffee for the office '.

She then rang me crying that she was tracking his phone and he wasn't in Starbucks he was town and he must be cheating. I was stood next to him and ended up having to tell her what we were doing.

Her behaviour was controlling and split them up shortly after.

How many people post in relationships about controlling DPs? The DPs instincts are driving them, but they are wrong.

MrsUltra · 31/12/2015 07:22

it's poor form to derail threads like this

Couldn't agree more.
Me too
This was a great thread until it got derailed by a private spat between two posters on their own hobby-horse. Would be great if there were a feature on MN to be able to not see posts from specific posters on a thread and just enjoy the rest of the thread rather than having to skim over the sniping.

Enjolrass · 31/12/2015 07:34

In regards to derailing, I have seen at least one poster that comes along and says a topic shouldn't be discussed (the one I was on was about the advice to leave the bastard) an then tries to goad people into doing something to get the thread deleted.

On this one it was mentioned that someone had suggested calling the police on a 17 year old ds for breaking a vase, on a different thread.

The poster who had objected to the thread kept asking people to quote from it. Someone did and turned out to be the same poster that was asking for it to be quoted. She then reported the thread for breaking guidelines and bringing details of one thread to another. Mn commented and removed the individual post until it was pointed out that the complainer had asked for it.

Mn reinstated it and apologised. All the way along this one poster had tried to derail and goad people. I have seen her do it since and avoid threads with her on.

It's quite controlling and manipulative behaviour.

Siwi · 31/12/2015 08:50

Yay to calling the police.
The police are an EMERGENCY service!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 31/12/2015 09:25

Reporting to OFSTED, CQC,Estyn, CSSIW.
If a care provider does something wrong or a school people say "oh tel Ofsted " Ofsted and the others named above will do nothing if you haven't followed the appropriate complaints procedure with the actual care provider/school etc
In Wales they don't even accept complaints from individuals (although CSSIW will "note concerns")
If a school or anyone else does something wrong ask for their complaints policy and follow it ten you have some chance of seeing something done about it.

Salmotrutta · 31/12/2015 09:30

Yes, I always feel a bit Hmm about the "buy a car/learn to drive" advice when someone has a problem regarding travel!

Obviously it's really easy and cheap to go on a course of driving lessons, pass your test, buy a car, insure it etc. And it can all be done in a short space of time too...

That and "can't you hire a nanny service/babysitting service" when someone needs to be somewhere without taking their children - "I can't believe you have literally no-one who you can ask to babysit" is a favourite response.
Erm, not everyone has hordes of friends and family on tap to look after children at the drop of a hat!

KERALA1 · 31/12/2015 11:00

Picking up on trills earlier point - posters that refuse to believe something because they have never personally experienced it. I was roundly turned on for saying that several families I knew used nannies as childcare - made sense if you work long hours so can't make nursery hours or have multiple dc.

Apparently no one has nannies and it is not normal and I am living in a bubble. Right....

ComposHatComesBack · 31/12/2015 11:08

I realise the common law wife/husband one is several pages away now, but yes it is remarkable (and worrying) how many people believe it. Common law marriage hasn't existed in England since the mid 18th century, when someone talks about their common law wife or husband I can't help but think 'blimey, they look good for nearly 300'.

Interestingly that isn't strictly true in Scotland (beware, I am about to go full Ken Barlow here) irregular marriage in Scotland, lasted until 2006 when marriage by custom by cohabitation with habit and repute. If you could establish this, you could claim the similar rights as someone who had married formally.

Even in this case it wasn't a case of 'live together x numbers of years and you are then common law spouses' you had to present yourself as husband and wife and you had to establish that the majority of people had to believe you were married.

This article explains it better than I have. Interestingly the article claims that the 2006 act did not apply retrospectively, so there are probably people knocking around who were married under common law in Britain.

OP posts:
Blu · 31/12/2015 11:22

I have seen (many) people on MN who have found themselves in the lurch due to being a non earning , non-property owning, non-married SAHM but I have never seen anyone advise that 'common law' holds any weight wrt any assets or rights of cohabiting. Quite the opposite in fact, with many MNers zealously insisting that marriage is necessary for protection even when the woman owns her own house, has a higher salary, works and they share childcare.

Jibberjabberjooo · 31/12/2015 11:24

I have definitely seen a couple of posts from people in shock that common law doesn't exist and wrongly assuming that living together for two years was all you had to do. Hmm

foragogo · 31/12/2015 11:32

So what is the definitive position with regards to cohabiting then? I can totally see of you don't work, aren't on the deeds, have no income of your own that you are screwed. But I was under the impression that, as a co habitee, with mirror wills, named on pension expression of wish, own income, both equal earners and contributors to the family, the only disadvantage I face through not being married is 1. No widows pension and 2. We can't pass assets to one another after death to about inheritance tax.

Is there more?

foragogo · 31/12/2015 11:36

Avoid not about

vladthedisorganised · 31/12/2015 11:39

Mentioned many times, but the "refuse to move until you get your own way" is one that gets me. I can't think of any situation where that helps.

That, and the 'LTB' if someone's partner is a bit grumpy. I did see one woman advised to leave her husband immediately, since he was 'acting withdrawn' after she'd had a miscarriage; from the little I read it seemed more likely that he was grieving than 'definitely having an affair' Hmm

NickiFury · 31/12/2015 11:42

Is discussing co-habiting extensively and the law surrounding it ok then? Not derailing? Is it only discussing special needs that is considered de-railing? What's the difference? The actual initial discussion of SN was not de-railing, the insistence on mis-reading my posts and arguing points in them when it was clear that I didn't want an argument and said so was. And Mrsultra there were quite a few posters involved in that discussion not just two. Just thought I would point that out Smile

ExConstance · 31/12/2015 11:45

This is now a long thread, so sorry if it's been mentioned. On every affair thread after LTB there is usually a suggestion to change the locks - totally illegal, no matter how badly the marriage both partners are entitled to live in the house, until a court says otherwise.

Swipe left for the next trending thread