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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New baby sex and gender

139 replies

Iliketoparrty · 29/12/2015 18:13

My SIL is pregnant and texted folk yesterday about finding out the sex of the baby.

Text said something like - SIL and DH are expecting a male child in ...2016.

So DH texted back congratulations on having a baby boy ... Etc. MIL also phoned them to congratulate them as it will be the first grandchild for MIL.

SIL responded we don't know if baby is a boy, need to wait and see. Baby sex isnt important, it doesnt mean anything. Hopefully its a girl. This was also reiterated to MIL and other family.

MIL has been on the phone asking DH (he is a doctor) what does that mean, is the baby ok? DH tried to explain the sex/gender difference but MIL is still worried.

In the last hour we have had 4 family members phone us about this as they don't want to call SIL in case she gets upset.

Aibu to think there was no need to tell folk about the sex of the baby if she doesn't think its important?

OP posts:
eurochick · 29/12/2015 18:15

You're sil is being a twat. But she's pregnant so I'd be inclined to roll my eyes and let it go.

eurochick · 29/12/2015 18:16

Your not you're. Bloody autocorrect!

ExBallerina · 29/12/2015 18:16

I'm confused. I can only imagine you are too. Confused

FithColumnist · 29/12/2015 18:17

YANBU. She sounds like she's being quite precious about it, tbh. And who the hell hopes that their male baby is going to be a girl? (Or vice versa!) If she's that liberated, right-on and non-gender-binary, surely she shouldnt be "hoping" for anything beyond the child to be healthy and happy.

Coldlightofday · 29/12/2015 18:20

Does she mean in case the child doesn't align with its biologically determined sex?

Which is fine, but yeah, why find out?

Does she have personal reasons for this being a priority for her? I mean, it's important, for sure, but I was more bothered about my DC having all the bits he needed to be alive. In between vomiting.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 29/12/2015 18:20

I'm confused.

catfordbetty · 29/12/2015 18:20

I don't really get what's going on 😖

VimFuego101 · 29/12/2015 18:21

I'm confused too. Did they or did they not have a scan to confirm the sex of the baby?

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf · 29/12/2015 18:21

Is this more likely to be gender non-binary thought processes that she's having to back track to, or gender disappointment?

Cornelialovett · 29/12/2015 18:22

Eh?

MyGastIsFlabbered · 29/12/2015 18:22

I don't really understand the sex/gender difference, but I'm a bit hungover today so could someone explain in very simple terms for me?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/12/2015 18:23

Now I could be wildly wrong but what I'm reading from it is.
She found out shes having a boy and thrown her rattle out the pram because she wants a girl. If that is the case she shouldn't have gone in for a baby

Leelu6 · 29/12/2015 18:23

Is that now the PC word for a baby boy - male child? Hmm

Text SIL saying 'I hope your first child will be a masculine child'.*

*The Godfather reference Grin

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf · 29/12/2015 18:23

Sex: biological characteristics.
Gender: psychological.

Scan will tell you the sex, but not the gender. So she's either being open the possibility of these not being the same, or is hoping the scan was wrong but sent the text before.

ByThePrickingOfMyThumbs · 29/12/2015 18:24

Are they being all hip and non gender binary?

Pipbin · 29/12/2015 18:24

I agree with her about it not mattering and they will treat the baby the same etc, so then why find out, or if you do want to find out then why tell people?

She has told people that her baby will have a penis. Why bother telling people if you don't want them to know.

Cornelialovett · 29/12/2015 18:24

I understand the difference but is she saying the baby is male as has a penis. But that he might not identify as male and actually they are hoping he's a girl so transgender?
That would be v odd!!!

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2015 18:25

She has to be a Mumsnetter Grin

JohnLuther · 29/12/2015 18:25

My brain hurts.

Enjolrass · 29/12/2015 18:25

So her child has a penis but she hopes it will grow up to be a girl?

Cornelialovett · 29/12/2015 18:25

I mean odd in the way that why would you actively hope for a transgender child.

EmpressOfTheVulvaCupcakes · 29/12/2015 18:26

Gender identity is a frankly ridiculous concept that plays to sex stereotypes. Eg if the little boy grows up to like pink sparkly stuff and playing with dolls, SIL will decide her child has a "female brain" and is actually a girl.

January87 · 29/12/2015 18:26

My sis was a bit like this on her first child, was convinced she was having a boy. Convinced. Came the gender scan and was told she was having a girl, 90% chance.

Well she sobbed for hours, and said throughout the rest of the pregnancy that there was still a 10% chance it could be a boy. Nutso.

AuntieStella · 29/12/2015 18:27

She's being really odd.

If you have said you're having a male child, it really is going too far to be ruffled if people refer to that male child as a boy.

If she did not want to reveal the sex, she didn't have to. Or perhaps she didn't, and it's a gremlin in the text?

SeptemberFlowers · 29/12/2015 18:27

Eh ?

What's wrong with just saying ,"We're having a boy !" and be done with it ?

Xmas Confused